By Amanda
It had to be past midnight. I don’t know why but I suddenly found myself awake. It had been a week since Sarah, Jenny and I had made love. We had not done anything since. Partly because Jenny was still processing it I suppose, and partly because I was still a little in shock.
Behind me I became aware of voices. It was Jenny’s almost musical voice and Sarah’s childish whispers. We had been letting Sarah sleep with us when she stayed over but sleeping was all we were doing.
From meaningless whispers words started to form. “…it was fun,” I heard Sarah whisper with a little giggle.
“Yes it was,” Jenny answered.
My eyes felt like they were going to pop when I heard what I was certain was a kiss. And not a little peck on the lips but a full kiss.
“Mmmm,” Jenny moaned. My breath ceased in my chest. What was Jenny enjoying enough to vocalize over?
The distinctive squish, the unmistakable sound of a finger moving in and out of an aroused vagina told me what she was moaning about. Jenny was letting my child lover finger her. Sarah was touching my girlfriend in a way that threatened to make me jealous, but somehow I found it more arousing than anything.
Jenny was acting on her own. I was not influencing her, no more than I had by introducing the idea anyway. I had not fully realized how excited it made me until I slid my hand between my legs and pulled the my panties to the side. I was wet, and not just a little.
Another squish.
I slid my index and middle finger into myself, running them around my clit as I pulled out.
“Mmmmm.” Jenny was trying to be quiet. But why? Why would she want to hide this of all things from me?
I closed my eyes and imagined seeing Sarah’s little fingers sliding in and out of my lover’s body. The bed was rocking gently now. It was Jenny’s weakness. She could be perfectly silent if she so desired but she could not stop herself from moving.
I could see it as if I were facing them, watching. I could clearly picture Jenny’s hips rocking in time with the little girl’s fingers. I could see Sarah’s wide eyes as she took in every bit of the experience.
That was what I remembered most about the previous week. Sarah’s childish wonder with what we had done. The wide eyes and bright smiles as she took in the whole of our sexual encounter. Even when I was young I don’t think my sexual experiences had been met with such wonder and enthusiasm.
A deep breath and I know they were kissing. The unmistakable sound of teeth lightly tapping against teeth, tongues wrestling.
I massaged myself in circles as I listened to the sounds of sex behind me. It was so thrilling to dream dreams of their bodies intertwined. I knew Jenny loved me, and she had always been so fond of my little girlfriend. Perhaps her own fondness was based in something not so different than mine. I wanted to roll over and join in, I wanted to ask questions, I just had to know what drove her to secretly seduce my angel. I kept silent. Desperate to know, but more desperate to experience the orgasm building in my body, I said nothing. I didn’t make a sound.
“Mnnnmm.” Jenny’s tone was higher. She was desperate to cum. Sarah’s little fingers were bringing her close but the child did not posses the skill to take her lover over the edge. I could hear the frustration in Jenny’s heaving breath. “Like this,” Jenny whispered desperately.
I could hear Sarah move on the bed. I could imagine her moving to get a better view of the woman’s hand. I wanted to see them, I wanted to see my dearest loves writhing over each other.
“Oooh, Oooohmmm.” It was Sarah’s voice. I opened my eyes in surprise. I hadn’t thought that Jenny was manipulating the girl’s tiny clit while enjoying the child’s hands on her own body.
Sarah came with a deep breath. Except for that one sharp inhalation she had become absolutely silent. That was enough for Jenny. I could feel her trembling as she came hard.
My own orgasm would wait no longer. Trying to remain still so as not to alert them to what I was doing, I massaged myself faster until the fire raced through me and the world melted away. Time always seemed to stop for me as I came. If it lasted a minute or ten seconds it didn’t matter the world was gone and all I knew want the touch, the manipulations of my clit or devices sliding in and out of my body.
Somehow I managed to remain silent. Nearly out of breath, I relaxed into the bed. I listen to my darlings kissing and talking playfully behind me as I drifted back in to sleep.
The next morning I was awake first. I went the kitchen and started breakfast. I wanted to surprise my girlfriends, I also wanted to have time to think about whether or not I would reveal what I knew to them.
Sarah was the first to come in, but I hardly had time to say good morning before Jenny wandered in and sat down at the table. She looked up at me expectantly. It was another of her quirks. When she cooked she served as well, and she expected the same treatment from me.
I scooped scrambled eggs that had started their day as an omelet, onto her plate. Two strips of bacon and I poured her some orange juice before giving the same to Sarah. After serving myself I sat down and looked first at Sarah. My attention then went to Jenny. I thought I knew her so well but these last few weeks had proven that no matter how long two people are together they can still surprise one another.
“What hun?” Jenny asked, and I realized that I had been starring at her for several seconds now.
“Oh, sorry nothing… How did the two of you sleep?”
Sarah snuffled like a puppy being hugged for the first time by its new owner. Jenny glanced quickly at her then smiled. “Oh great actually.”
“I’m sure, after the way you two came,” I blurted. I covered my mouth with my hand, shocked that I had said it. Jenny coughed and dropped her fork. Her face flushed and she looked away from me. Sarah kept her eyes on her plate but she didn’t seem in the least ashamed.
“Yeah it was really nice,” The little girl said. I laughed. It was so honest. She had no idea why Jenny would have reacted with shame. She had enjoyed the experience and that was all that really mattered.
“You were awake?” Jenny asked in shock. “For how long?”
“Long enough to enjoy it,” I told her. Jenny’s eyes opened wide. “Jen, I don’t know what to say. I mean… I didn’t think you…”
“I didn’t.” She interrupted me. “Not until last week.” She reached out and brushed Sarah’s hair back. The girl smiled and tilted her head into Jenny’s hand. “Last week… It was powerful, being with the two of you I mean. It did something to me. I wouldn’t even know how to describe it… Well maybe… It was like a whole new world opened to me.” Jenny paused for a long time. So long that I thought she was done, and I was about to say something. “I have to see more of it, I… I’m dying to explore it.”
I sat back, eyes wide. All I could do was stare at her. “Wow,” I finally managed to say. Jenny couldn’t look at me. It was endearing, seeing my normally self assured and confident girlfriend looking shy.
“Does it make me a bad person?” She asked, her voice hardly above a whisper.
I knew what she was feeling. I had felt it. Years ago as it dawned on me that my feelings for the little girls in my life, and there were many since I was a teacher, were not matronly. The ‘P’ word. Big stone letters slamming to the ground, causing the earth to shake, threatening to crush me. Cold and cruel the word echoed in my head for years. I ran from it, I ran from teaching, I ran from everything. Slowly I had learned to accept myself. I wasn’t a monster, a rapist, a child molester. Oh I had gone through the five stages. The denial, the fear, the anger… All of it. I had even entertained the notion of joining the church in hopes that it would cure me of this terrible sickness.
The love that truly dared not speak its name. I couldn’t tell any one, I was isolated. But it’s true. In the end you really do achieve acceptance. Not from the world, but in yourself. “You’re not a bad person.” I tried to reassure but I knew where she was. The fear step. Afraid she was bad, afraid it made her a monster.
“I blamed you,” she said to me. “I thought it was your fault… For being what you are. That somehow you’d made me…” Jenny wiped a tear off her cheek.
“Don’t cry,” Sarah’s little voice said. The child reached over and stroked Jenny’s arm. “You’re not bad. I love you Jenny.” Sarah got thoughtful for a moment. Her eyes got wide, “You’re not sorry are you?” She asked with a note of desperation.
“No she’s not sweetie. That’s why she’s crying.” I answered for her. Jenny nodded her agreement. Sarah looked genuinely confused. “It’s hard to explain. I know your father told you people wouldn’t understand but it’s more than that…” I started, trying to help her understand. “People get very angry about grown-ups that do things with little girls. Things like last week.”
“And last night?” she asked.
“And last night. They say that grown-ups that like little girls that way are sick and mean. They say lots of things about us, because they don’t think you or other little girls can make up their own minds.”
“Daddy told me all this,” she said. “He said that I could choose though cause he explained things to me.” Sarah scratched her head. “It’s stupid.” She finally said. “If a kid doesn’t like it all they have to do is say stop, so why does it matter?”
“Well partly because some people that like little girls are mean, and they won’t stop.”
“I’m not afraid,” Sarah said confidently. I felt tears race to my eyes. A child’s trust. Something that was a privilege to have. And that made me think that perhaps we were moving too fast for her. She was so young. So innocent. The sex, her father’s conversations, neither had served to dampen her innocent nature though. I’m sure to her it was just a game, something fun, and she was getting lots of attention from adults. I felt a twinge of guilt that I might be taking advantage of her.
“Sweetie. Do you understand that I loved you before we did things like that, and if you wanted to stop I would still love you?” I asked. Even after all this time I had doubts. I wanted her to know that she was an equal and that she didn’t need to do anything with us to be loved.
I became aware that Jenny was watching our exchange intently. I don’t know what she wanted to hear. What would help her to deal with what she was feeling.
“This is boring,” Sarah finally said, breaking an uncomfortable silence. “Daddy talks to me about it, you talk to me about it…” She looked over at Jenny, “are you going to do it too?” Sarah huffed loudly. “I know I know I know,” she groaned. “If I want you to stop I just have to tell you, but I don’t want you to stop okay?” she asked. She put her hands on her hips and looked at me impatiently.
“Well,” I said. “I guess I have been told.” Sarah turned her attention to Jenny, satisfied with my answer.
“Umm… Yeah, yeah I guess,” she answered, sounding unsure of herself. “I’m going to take a shower.” Jenny left us there for the bathroom.
“So what happened last night?” I asked.
Sarah lowered her head and pushed back away from the table, keeping her eyes on her plate and giggling. “Well I was lying between you and her. And Jenny was awake. And we were talking… And we started kissing.” She stopped. Sarah straightened up in her chair and shrugged her shoulders. “And she started rubbing me, and then… She touched me, down there and so I touched her back.” She said trying to sound matter of fact. I smiled to myself. That was what must have qualified for her as the gory details. I didn’t want to make her any more uncomfortable than I already had so I let it drop.
Some time after noon Sarah went home. She was going to spend the day with her mother and father, and probably go to dinner with them, then come home and back to my house. I sat in the living room feigning interest in the television, but it was killing me, I had to ask Jenny about the previous night.
“Baby.” Jenny looked up at me.
“Yeah?” she said, closing her magazine. She knew me all too well. Any conversation that started with ‘Baby’ took more than a glance and a yes to end. “Talk to me about last night,” I said. “I want to understand. I mean you were really disturbed by all of this at first, and now… Well… I guess you’re still having a hard time but I mean last night had nothing to do with me.”
“But it does, it has everything to do with you. I mean… No I brought her to our bed that night. And it was your first time too…” She looked up at me waiting for me to confirm. That was the question, did I lie to her and say yes or did I confess the incident from the week when I thought she had left me. I had to confess, I loved her to much to lie.
“When I thought you had left me, her and I did some grinding on each other’s legs.”
“Didn’t even wait for the body to get cold.” Jenny sounded angry.
“It’s not like that. God, I was stressed. I thought you were gone. My god Jenny, I thought I’d lost you. And then there she was and I wasn’t thinking straight.” I looked up at her, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.
“I’ll be angry at you for that some other day,” she said after a long silence. “I mean I guess I understand but some day we’ll talk about this again.” Jenny ran her fingers through her hair and sat back on the couch. “I don’t know exactly what I was thinking really. I mean we were talking, and the next thing I know I’m leaning in and kissing her… You know, she kisses pretty good actually, I mean for, you know, being so new to it. God Amanda, she was so soft, not like any woman I’ve ever been with. And that smell. What is that smell kids have? It’s like, almost like powder or something. Whatever it is it was driving me nuts. It just felt natural to let my love for her…” She trailed off. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
“You know I went through this too. Discovering that I was a…”
“Pedo.”
“Yeah. But you don’t have to go through it alone like I did. I’ll be with you I’ll always be here for you no matter what.” I cocked my head to the side and half smiled at her. “Oh, and pedo is what ‘They’ call us, we’re girl lovers sweetie.”
“It sounds so innocent.”
“It is. It’s love sweetie, as real as any other love you can have.”
With sunset I caught sight of Mark and Josi’s car pulling in to the driveway next door. Soon my house would be filled with Sarah’s glow, a felt a calm pass over me at the mere thought.
The knock at the door was not Sarah’s and it was too soft to be Mark’s large hand. I opened the door to Josi’s pretty face.
“Can I come in?” She asked. Her arms were folded across her chest and everything about her screamed parental worry.
“Always.” I let her in.
“A lesbian three way.” Josi said sitting on the couch. “Is that normal for you? I mean I don’t know, do lesbians have lots of wild sex?”
“Some, but not us really.” I answered.
“My daughter hasn’t even had a period and she’s had a lesbian…” She looked over at Jenny. “And you, I thought you were…” Josi slid down on to the couch. “You know I want only my daughter’s happiness. I don’t care if she’s gay, straight or in-between. But we’ve tried to teach her that love is between two people who are loyal to one another. You know, traditional values with a more liberal edge.”
“You’re telling me I have to choose her or Jenny?” I asked.
“I don’t know what I’m telling you. I mean I was pretty wild in college and I’ve never even had a three way. Now my daughter has.” She almost laughed. “How am I suppose to make her understand what this is all about?”
“I don’t know Josi. But she seems content with things the way they are. She loves Jenny, and me… And I think she was really thrilled about what her and Jenny did last night…”
“Last night?” Josi said, her brow raising.
‘OOPS.’ echoed through my head. “Umm, yeah.”
“I don’t want to know.” Josi held her hand up. “I didn’t want to know about the three of you but it was her first sexual experience and she just had to tell me all about it.” Josi took a deep breath. It was obvious that all of this was a bit much for her. “Amanda, please be careful with my little girl.”
I wasn’t sure what I was suppose to say. How could I let her know that her little girl was safe with me? In the end I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. “I will take care of her.”
Josi hugged me back and I can’t tell you what a relief that was. If she had pulled away I’m afraid I would have had to give up my little love before I’d ever really gotten to know her.
My next door neighbor left and not long after Sarah skipped across my porch and threw my door open without stopping to knock. “Mandy!” She ran the few steps across the living room and hugged me. She began kissing my belly, and not long after went to Jenny to give her the same treatment.
“What do you think about seeing a movie?” Jenny asked, keeping her eyes on Sarah.
“You mean go to a movie?”
“Sure sweetie, my treat.” Sarah crawled up into Jenny’s lap and put her arms around my lover’s neck. Again I was tempted to jealousy, but they seemed so beautiful to me.
We went and saw a movie, and afterward stopped at the Baskin Robins near my house for a cone. I myself prefer Tastee Freeze but I guess that’s because I grew up in the south.
I think a lot of people would be scandalized by a story of a woman, no, two women, having sex with a little girl. I find the whole thing to be a shock, but when you’re there, and so in love, if you could see Sarah’s happy little face. I can’t believe it was abuse. Of course that word, it echoes in your head. Every time that I even dreamt of making love to my little angel it swam around, trying to undermine me. I suppose I talk about being a pedophile like I’ve come to accept it and I have, but it’s hard to overcome the doubts. The world outside is always ready to reinforce those doubts, and with good reason as there are always plenty of people out there that could care less about the feelings of the children they are with. I often find myself watching the evening news, shaking my head and whispering, ‘They give the lot of us a bad name.’
I went into my room almost immediately and changed into the boxers and t-shirt that I normally wear to bed. I was unrolling my sox when Sarah wandered in and crawled across the bed, stopping in front of me and raising up on her knees. She reached out and put her arms around me, pulling me close.
I sat down next to her and stroked her hair gently. “What’cha thinking angel?”
Sarah rose up and kissed me on the lips. She still tasted like Marshmallow ice cream. “Can we… You know… Do stuff tonight?” she asked.
“You’d like that?” She nodded her head. I smiled and hugged her tightly, tickling her sides until she squealed. “Well I can’t speak for Jenny but I think I would like that very much.”
We started kissing. The long loving kind of kiss that ends with you lying on the bed staring into one another’s eyes. I love those moments, the ones where you’re looking into your lover’s eyes and you feel like you’re about to burst. You feel like your heart is swelling up in your chest and at any moment it will spill out drowning you in love.
I’m not sure how long we lay there but it was long enough for Jenny to come looking for us. “Hey you two, careful you’re going to make me jealous.” Jenny slid onto the bed and I tilted my head up to kiss her. Sarah squirmed from beneath me and waited for her turn at Jenny’s lovely lips. “Show me this world,” she whispered to me.
All I could think was that I was as new to it as she was. “Do you want the lights off?” I asked her. I don’t know why but I always felt less vulnerable in the darkness, and her nod told me that the same was probably true for her. I turned out the lights and returned to the bed to find Sarah and Jenny already kissing and undressing. “Hey, now I’m the one getting jealous.” I pulled my shirt up over my head and slid my boxers off.
“I like the way this feels,” sarah said, running her hands through my pubic hair. “Will mine be this soft?” she asked.
“Probably,” I answered. I turned around and took her little face in my hands, kissing her, tasting her, drinking her in. I was hungry for that little girl, her thin lips and baby soft skin. I felt Jenny’s hand on my back. She was stroking me, encouraging me. I made my way down Sarah’s body. I loved to kiss her navel, well any woman’s naval, there was something so sexy about a woman with a slight pooch belly. And Sarah had the beginnings of one on her tiny little stomach.
My lips caressed Sarah’s velvet-soft pubic area. Her mound rose to greet my lips, as if she knew what to expect. A giggle escaped her when I flicked my tongue along her slit, brushing first her clit and then her hole.
She didn’t taste like any lover I had ever had. I am at a loss now, as I would have been then to even describe the taste of a child other than to say fresh. If youth was a tangible thing, something with texture and yes flavor, then that would be what I tasted, I tasted youth.
I began swirling my tongue on her clit. It was no easy task, a child’s clitoris is very small and it took me a while before I got the hang of keeping my tongue on it. Sarah was almost purring, sometimes giggling, and rocking in time with me. She brought her legs up, grabbing her knees with her hands and pulling them apart.
“My turn.” I heard Jenny’s voice and felt her breath close to my ear. When I pulled back Sarah moaned and whined. She opened her eyes and looked up at me.
“Why did you stop?” She asked.
“Because I wanted to do it some,” Jenny answered.
I don’t know what was more exciting. Making love to, tasting, kissing, licking Sarah, or watching Jenny do it. I leaned down and began kissing Sarah, lapping at her tongue. She pulled back from a my kiss after a moment and giggled. “Is that what I taste like?” she asked. I nodded my head and turned to look down at Jenny. I loved seeing her head between the child’s legs. Sarah’s hand wrapped around my own and she squeezed hard. “Oooh, Jenny… Mandy!” she squealed. Her little face puckered up, like it had that night a week before and I smiled as I watched the child climax.
Several moments passed with Sarah lying on the bed staring up at me with a silly smile and sleepy eyes. Jenny came to the head of the bed. We kissed deeply. I sucked on her bottom lip for a moment, growing more excited at tasting the child on her kiss. “How could I have ever ended up so lucky?” I asked. “I have you, and Sarah.”
“Can I do that to you?” Sarah asked me. I smiled down at her and nodded. Slowly Jenny and Sarah coaxed me to lie on the bed. The little girl slid between my legs and began poking at my sex. She traced my lips with her finger… If she only knew what she was doing to me. It was frustrating but so very exciting. “I just do it like you did?” She asked.
“Mmhmm.” I moaned desperately. Jenny traced her fingers up and down my body. She knew what that did to me. Even if I had not had my beautiful child lover poised to attack my sex with her virgin mouth, Jenny’s touch would have set me on fire.
Sarah’s mouth covering my clit, her little tongue fishing for my special button, sent waves of heat through me. I felt like white hot electric fingers were dancing across my skin. My belly tightened and heat wrapped itself around my lower regions. Jenny leaned down and covered my mouth with her own, breathing in my gasp.
As I gained my head again I coaxed Jenny to straddle me, then lowered her wonderfully wet sex down to my hungry mouth. She tasted sweet, soft. And mixed with Sarah’s juices on my own lips it made my head swam.
Jenny undulated, rocked, moaned. She pushed her pubic bone against my nose almost hard enough to hurt but backed off just before it was too much.
My lover’s honey dripped into my mouth and I drank her down. I loved everything about Jenny, her scent, her taste, the little whimpers and moans she made when we made love.
Sarah’s tongue on my clit was doing its job. I could feel the heat building in me. Above me Jenny was not far from climax either. She rocked her hips bearing down toward me, reaching out with her sex for more.
I pressed my tongue hard against her clit and she shivered as she rocked. Jenny reached forward. She wrapped her fingers around the blanket and pulled at it as she began to climax. My lover groaned loudly. She pushed her sex into my mouth and I obliged.
Jenny rolled off of me as her orgasm subsided. Sarah’s inexperienced tongue was bringing me closer now. She was doing her best to imitate what we had done to her.
Sarah reached up, her little hands began rubbing my belly. Feeling those tiny fingers on me was what I needed. The fire building in my loins exploded outward, encompassing me, drawing me out of the world and into the ether, the warm, wet pulsations of a staggering orgasm. I reached down and pulled Sarah’s head gently, coaxing her to press her mouth on me harder. She did her best to satisfy me and it was working as my orgasm brought me to the brink of unconsciousness.
Finally spent I relaxed my hold on the little girl and felt as if I were melting into the bed. Slowly I sat up and hooked my hands under her arms, pulling her up to me. I kissed the child gently on the lips. “I love you so much angel,” I whispered to her.
“That was cool,” she whispered back. “My jaw hurts.”
I laughed and pulled her close. “You get used to it.”
Jenny sat up next to me and began stroking the child’s hair. “I never would have thought…” she trailed off. Eventually we all lay down.
Sarah fell asleep quickly, like children do. Jenny and I lay in bed with the girl breathing deeply between us. “What did you think?” I asked her.
“I don’t know Manda panda,” she said playfully. She reached out and stroked my arm with her finger tips. “It was intense.”
I kissed Sarah’s head, then leaned up and kissed Jenny. “You’re not just saying all this to make me happy are you?”
“Of course not baby.” Jenny caressed my cheek with her fingers. “It’s almost like when I first realized I was gay,” she told me. “But I wasn’t so afraid of that. I mean you know how Mom is, she helped me through it… Now, I don’t even think she could handle this.”
“I wouldn’t think she could. But you have me Jen.” I was trying to reassure her.
“I feel closer to you. Closer than ever before,” she whispered. My heart swelled.
“God, I feel the same Jenny. Like we’re truly soul mates.”
“And I really do think I’m falling in love with her,” she whispered as she leaned close. All I could do was kiss her. I don’t know what I had done right in life, but whatever it was must have been big because it brought me Jenny and my darling little Sarah.
Continue on to Part Three
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