By Jos Mous
Mac had a friend. She had been greatly surprised when she discovered this. Up until now, she’d never had friends. She mostly had… passing acquaintances. And of all the people Mac had ever thought she might possible befriend, a girl like Fatimah wasn’t among them.
Fatimah was a demure Muslim girl with a rather traditional upbringing. She wore a kerchief and shapeless dresses that reached the ground, she prayed a lot, she always said that love wasn’t important, but that finding a husband who had the right faith was. In spite of these strange ideas, Mac could get along with Fatimah just fine as long as they avoided certain topics.
Right now, Mac really felt the need to talk to someone she trusted. The big problem was, she didn’t trust anyone. Well… she had grown to trust Sam, but that was the last person she wanted to talk to about the subject that had been bothering her. She thought she could trust Fatimah, but wasn’t completely sure. She had a feeling that the girl could turn on her at any moment.
Then Mac realised she was being silly. People had turned on her all the time in the States. But this weren’t the States. And Fatimah certainly wasn’t just another pussy that Mac wanted to use for a night or two.
Constantly reminding herself of that fact, Mac walked up to Fatimah one day after school and asked the girl if she would join her on a walk across the grounds so that they could talk in relative peace and quiet. When they walked there was peace. And there was quiet. There wasn’t much talking, though.
“Is something bothering you?” asked Fatimah, when she felt the silence had gone on long enough.
“Yeah,” said Mac.
“And you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t really want to, but I feel I really need to.”
“I see.”
“You see, the thing is… I have this friend, right? And we’re close. I mean, we’re, really, really close. We’re like… we’re like brother and sister, y’know?”
“Yes,” said Fatimah in a “Go on, I’m listening” tone of voice.
“Well… the thing is, I… he… he sort of accidentally… saw me naked.”
“I see,” said Fatimah, her expression carefully blank.
“Hey, it’s not like I flashed my tits at h… at him, or something. He was just… at my house one day, and I decided to take a shower, and he accidentally saw me walking naked across the hallway.”
“I suppose that can happen.”
“Well, but then he… he sort of hinted that… I mean, he didn’t exactly hint, but from what he said I could sort of… deduce that he might find me attractive.”
“This doesn’t surprise me. I can plainly see you are very attractive.”
“Come on, don’t start dissing my clothes and I won’t say anything about the curtains you’re wearing.”
A smile flashed over Fatimah’s face. “Oh, very well then. But I’m afraid I don’t see the problem.”
“Like I said, we’re like brother and sister and the thought that he could find me attractive is… well, it’s disgusting!”
“So… you’re disgusted by your best friend.”
“No! That’s the whole problem! I should be disgusted, but I’m not!”
“Perhaps you love him.”
“What? No. No way. I so do not love him. Not like that, anyway.”
“It’s not uncommon for friends to fall in love.”
“No, but…” Mac sighed. “Never mind.”
“Very well then,” said Fatimah. “I should probably go. Lots of homework.”
“Best of luck.”
“Thanks. Good luck with your friend.”
“Yeah,” said Mac.
Best friends could fall in love. There was nothing wrong about that. But siblings, no, they couldn’t fall in love with each other. That was sick, perverted, disgusting.
And besides, Mac didn’t love Sam. Sure, she trusted her and cared for her and… well… loved her in a non-romantic sense. And, okay, from a objective point of view, Sam was quite attractive.
But Mac wasn’t attracted to her, because that kind of attraction was just sickening.
And two sisters making love to each other, that was… well, that would be…
Disgusting! Totally, utterly disgusting!
And there was no possible way that Mac could even be remotely attracted to Sam.
Now, if she just kept telling herself that long enough…
It was early in the evening and Sam and Mac were lounging on the couch, sort of watching TV. There wasn’t anything interesting on, so they both stared at the screen without watching it.
During a commercial break, Mac figured she really needed to talk to Sam before her worrying lack of disgust turned into something of an obsession. The show they were staring at was already over, however, when Mac had finally found the courage to speak.
“Sam…?”
“Yeah?”
“You know, the other day, during the dishes when you were… acting a little freaky?”
“I remember.”
“Well, why were you acting freaky?” Mac asked.
“It was like I told you, I needed to work something out.”
“Yeah, but what, exactly?”
“Just… where the two of us stand.”
“And did it have anything to do with… seeing me in the nude?”
Sam was silent for a moment. Then she said, “Of course not.”
“I don’t believe you,” said Mac.
“Mac, you’re a very attractive young woman, I won’t deny that. But we’re sisters.”
“And sisters can’t be attracted to each other, right?”
“I don’t like that tone of voice.”
“Well, too bad. I’m using it anyway. Face it, you saw me naked and it turned you on.”
“Mac!” Sam said indignantly.
“Well, didn’t it?” Mac demanded.
Mac looked at Sam and saw her eyes. There was anger there, like she had expected, but also… something else. “I wasn’t ‘turned on’ when I saw you like that,” Sam said. “But I’d be lying if I said I never think about that moment.”
“And when you think about it, do you want that moment to last longer?”
“Mac, I refuse to talk about this any longer. We’re sisters, it’s wrong.”
“And with those words you admit that you’re attracted to me!”
“Mac, we are sisters,” said Sam calmly. “If I was physically attracted to you, which I’m not, I certainly wouldn’t act on it.”
“Because it’s wrong,” Mac finished, not without a hint of sarcasm.
“Yes.”
“No, it’s not,” said Mac, surprising even herself. “I know about wrong. I’ve seen wrong. I’ve seen it so much it almost killed me three times. And if you love me, that’s not wrong. I think that no matter how you look at it, love can never be wrong.”
“It is,” said Sam.
“Show me where it’s written, then!” Mac shouted. “Show me the insane deity that carved the words ‘Thou Shalt Not Love’ on a stone tablet!”
“I won’t hear any more of this!” Sam snapped. “I do not love you in that way — and I — I’m certainly not attracted to you in that way!”
“Well, I do love you, so there!”
And just like that, Sam fell silent, staring at her younger sister. Finally she spoke. “I… I beg your pardon?”
“I said I…” Mac trailed off. “I love you.”
That’s what she said. It was one of those damn Freudian slips. It hadn’t been meant to be said, it hadn’t even been meant to be thought. But it was there. And the really aggravating thing about Freudian slips is that they often reveal the truth. And it was logical too, in a sense. Mac’s childhood had left her as a fucked-up headcase. Sam was the first person to genuinely care for her, unconditionally.
How could you not fall for a person like that?
Fuck! thought Mac when she realised where her thoughts were leading. I want Sam… I want my sister, for fuck’s sake, to love me. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!
“Mac…?” Sam said carefully.
“What?” Mac asked gruffly, resurfacing from her thoughts.
“What you just said…”
“I know what I just said.”
“Was that… Did you really mean that?”
Mac sighed. “Yeah. I meant it. I know I want you, and it’s possible that I love you.”
“Possible?”
“Well, it’s not like I have a lot of experience with love, now is it?” Mac snapped.
“Mac… I want you to think about this carefully. Do you… want me to… to kiss you?”
Mac peered at Sam suspiciously. “What happened to all the ‘it’s wrong’ stuff?”
“That was before you said you loved me.”
“Wait, are you saying…?”
Sam looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. “Ever since I saw you… No, it started even before that. I can’t stop thinking about you. I just can’t. I try and I try and I try and then the moment I let my thoughts slip out of my control I see you. Not naked, not in a sexual situation — just you, Mackenzie McQueen, saying that you love me.”
“And what do you say then?”
“I love you, too.”
Continue on to Chapter 4
Oh so sweet