Results of a Study on Maternal Exhibitionism
North Central University Department of Family Dynamics
Ingrid Dahlberg, PhD, and Sonya Eklund, MSW
Introduction
One of the most exotic forms of sexual deviance is the young mother whose primary erotic fetish consists of pruriently exposing her genitals and ultimately masturbating in front of her daughter(s). Although not well known, this is a far more common phenomenon than one might expect. Only in the past few years have researchers gathered enough evidence and first-hand testimony to verify that the behavior occurs with surprising frequency. It has recently been estimated, in fact, by the American Medical Association (AMA) that perhaps a quarter of all mothers engage in such activity at some point.
Of course, this is the sort of deviance that gets handed down, so to speak, from one generation to another. When a girl witnesses her mother bringing herself to orgasm, and when she sees how pleasurable it appears to be, she naturally will want to try it for herself. And, later, when that little girl becomes a mother, she is quite likely to repeat the behavior with her own daughter.
To learn more about this, we conducted confidential interviews with just over four hundred women who had at least one daughter from age eight to eighteen. This brackets the period when the subject activity seems to occur most often, when the girls are between eleven and fifteen years old.
Results
In our study, 116 women (29% of the total) openly admitted to engaging in such behavior, while another 31 women (8%) gave certain answers that suggested they may have done the same, although they were unwilling to come out and say so. Based on the results of our work, it seems that the previous estimate of one in four mothers partaking in incestuous exhibitionism with their daughters may need to be revised upward.
One of the most interesting findings of this research (contrary, perhaps, to some expectations) is that women expose themselves to and masturbate with their daughters far more often than they do with their sons. Although popular reporting may indicate otherwise, we conclude, based on our results, that mother-girl relationships occur with much greater frequency than do mother-boy relationships. The fact that this ratio is so badly misunderstood reflects insufficient prior investigation, not reality, in our estimation.
Here is the primary data from our study:
This is the breakdown of mothers currently active in exhibitionist sexual behavior with their daughters:
Note that in our study the oldest currently involved daughter is eighteen years old (actually seven different girls are that age). However, because we only surveyed women whose daughters were between eight and eighteen, we cannot say with certainty that this behavior does not continue into later years. In fact, informal anecdotal reports from some of the conversations conducted by our interviewers suggests that a good number of these women have carried on similar activity well into their twenties or thirties with their own mothers.
Of the 116 women in our study who have engaged or who currently are engaging in such activities with their young daughters, just over 90% said their own mothers had performed similar acts with them. One woman told us that both she and her mother (ages thirty-two and fifty-one, respectively) regularly masturbate together with the younger woman’s two girls, who are now ten and twelve.
Although our research was designed specifically to look for cases of mothers involved in exhibitionist relationships with their children, including masturbation, it seems clear that the activities of women is not always limited to exposed self-pleasuring, but sometimes will go beyond that.
However, this particular study was not intended to document cases of actual incest (though, admittedly, many of the acts of exhibitionism we’ve reported definitely do go right up to that line, if not in fact crossing over it), and it will take additional effort to determine how often such activities merely serve as foreplay and eventually lead to full-blown sexual relations. We feel safe in assuming that this does occur, perhaps frequently, but we are unable to estimate how often with any degree of precision.
In order to better understand the thought processes that may take place in some of these women while they are engaging in illicit sexual activities with their daughters, we chose five of our most forthcoming interviewees and spent additional time with them, recording the conversations (with their permission). The aim was to go beyond the data we’d already gathered and uncover some qualitative information.
Narratives
The following is a selection of transcribed descriptions provided by each of these women. In all cases, the names have been changed to provide anonymity.
Amy, 34, mother of two daughters, ages 15 and 12:
Well, my mom did it with me and my little sister, and she told me that her mother had done it with her, so who knows how far back it goes. My sister doesn’t have any kids, but sometimes she and I get together and play around with my two girls. You know, it’s all kind of innocent, I mean, we’re just having fun. We’re not hurting anyone. The girls learn how to please themselves, which is a good thing, and they get much better knowledge directly from us than they would from a book or from their friends. Kids don’t usually talk to each other about this kind of stuff, or at least girls probably don’t. I know for sure that my daughters have never told anybody, because if they had, I could be in big trouble!
But seriously, what’s wrong with sitting down together, just a mom and her daughters, and sometimes with my sister, their aunt, and we all just watch each other touch ourselves. What? Oh, yeah, the girls do it too. That’s the way it was, right from the get-go. I guess my oldest, Brianna, was about 10 when I started with her. I showed her how to do it and let her see how good I could make myself feel, and then I encouraged her to try it for herself. Did I help her? Well, yeah, a little bit. I mean, I showed her the best way to rub herself, not too hard and gradually building up. And so, yes, of course at first I put my hands on her to make sure she knew what I was saying. But other than that, we don’t usually touch each other.
Um, let me restate that. My sister and I will sometimes make out, you know, kiss, while we’re masturbating. In front of the girls? Sure, why not? No, I haven’t kissed my daughters very much, but I have encouraged them to kiss each other while they’re doing it. That, let me tell you, is really exciting, to see my 15-year-old Brianna and my 12-year-old Claire kissing each other while their little hands are working hard between their legs. I’m getting wet now just thinking about it!
Dawn, 40, mother of four daughters, 17, 16, 11 and 11:
For me, it’s just the normal way that mothers and daughters are together. That’s how it was with my mother and my three sisters. We always masturbated, for as long as I can remember, and we never hid it from each other.
It’s funny, now, thinking back, I’d forgotten about this… when Mother put us to bed every night, we always were expected to play with ourselves. Like some kids are taught to say bedtime prayers every night, we were taught to have bedtime masturbation, even when we were only 4 or 5 years old. Of course, we didn’t really have orgasms when we were that young, but it still felt really good, and by the time we were each 9 or 10 years old, we knew exactly what to do to make ourselves cum whenever we felt like it. And that made Mother very proud of us.
On the weekends is when we’d have what she called our special time. Every Saturday night (and sometimes on Friday nights too, unless we were busy with something else), Mother would gather us all together onto her big bed and we’d all be naked and then we’d talk and tell stories and sing songs and after a little while we would all be playing with ourselves, Mother included. This started very young; I’m not sure exactly how early, but by the time I was 5, my two older sisters — who would have been 8 and 10 — and I would spend every Saturday night that way, feeling close and having fun and masturbating together with our wonderful mother. The baby was only two then, and she would usually fall asleep early, but by the time she was 5 or 6, she joined in as well.
We went right on that way until my oldest sister got married when she was 19. I was 14 then, and the little one was 9. We had such fun! And after the oldest moved out of the house, we kept up the games every Saturday night, each of us getting better and better at reaching numerous powerful consecutive orgasms. I’ll tell you, Mother’s bed must have more female juices soaked into it than any bed ever has!
So, then the next oldest went away to college and it was just me, at 16, and my little sister, who was 13, and Mother, then 40. The three of us kept up the tradition and I, truthfully, decided not to go away to college and not get married so that I wouldn’t break up our wonderful Saturday nights. Finally, when the youngest was 18 and I was 21, she left home and it was just Mother and me. We continued masturbating together, and not only on Saturdays, but now almost every night.
If Mother hadn’t suddenly had a stroke and died less than a year later, we might still be doing it. But then I was alone and I was devastated. Almost by instinct, I got married right away and quickly started having children. Fortunately, my first two were daughters, which is what I wanted, and then I divorced my husband. All I really needed was those two girls. After several years, though, I felt the desire for a larger family and so I adopted two cute little sweethearts, twin girls, when they were just a few weeks old. They’re 11 now, and my others daughters are 17 and 16.
The same as my mother did with our family, I’ve taught my girls all about masturbation from a very young age. We spend each Saturday night together, playing and talking and laughing and singing and, of course, masturbating. My older girls like to watch porno movies while we’re doing it, and I like that too. We get the ones that show very pretty young girls touching themselves and sometimes we also like to watch lesbian videos. And something new has also started happening recently.
When I was growing up, my sisters and I and my mother never really touched each other sexually. We were just together, very close, but focused on touching ourselves. But my little twin girls have taken to masturbating each other. I suppose for them it’s almost like they’re touching themselves. Although it made me a bit uncomfortable at first, I wanted to give them freedom to do whatever felt best. And now, I have to admit, I really enjoy seeing them together, holding each other close and kissing. As I watch those two identical lovely, pale, slender little bodies with breasts just barely starting to show, touching, licking, kissing, caressing, fondling, fingering, and bringing each other to orgasm, it’s added a whole new level of excitement. I’ve even begun to hope that maybe their older sisters will decide to try the same thing, and I’ve dropped a few not so subtle hints to that effect. So far, no results, but you never know. Tomorrow is Saturday, and this just might be my lucky weekend.
Elizabeth, 36, mother of one daughter, age 16:
Faith, my daughter, and I have such a great relationship. We’re always playing around together, teasing each other and stuff. She knows just what to do to get me all excited, and she loves doing it. I guess we’re sort of the reverse of some of the others, because even though I deliberately paraded around mostly naked in front of her from the time she was just little, and even though I always dressed really sexy and tried to emphasize my long legs and my figure, it was Faith who sort of got things started. Well, I mean, maybe it was both of us. But mostly her.
The very first time it happened was when she was 14, two years ago. We were sitting together on the sofa late one Saturday night watching TV, and you know, that’s when some of the cable movie channels have adult movies on. Well, Faith is flipping around the dial and she comes across the start of this movie where two women are flirting with each other, and then they start kissing, and then they start taking their clothes off! So I said, naturally, like any good mother should, that we don’t want to watch that (even though I really did want to watch it).
I’ll never forget my daughter saying, “Come on, Mom, of course we should watch it, it’s hot!” And so we did. We sat there together and watched these two beautiful young women kissing each other and then taking off each other’s clothes, and touching each other’s bodies, and then one girl started licking and sucking the other girl’s breasts, and — wow, it was really erotic. My pussy was getting so wet and I could barely keep from touching myself. But then, after that scene was over, that is, after we’d watched them rub each other’s pussies and then watched them go down on each other in a 69 position until they both climaxed, the next scene showed a different woman masturbating while she’s watching the scene we just watched on a video tape!
I was so into the movie at this point that I’d nearly forgotten Faith was there. But then I heard her moan, and I looked over and saw that she had one hand down inside her pajama bottoms while the other hand was caressing her breasts on the outside of her pullover top. I came very close to saying something that would make her stop, but for some reason I didn’t. I let her go on that way and before long I started touching myself too. And when the woman on TV started coming, both Faith and I did too. It was so incredible, almost surreal, that we were sitting there, mother and daughter, masturbating while watching a porno movie together. But it felt so good.
After our orgasms, we looked at each other and just laughed and smiled. I knew right then that we’d discovered something very special that we could share with each other.
That very night, I took Faith upstairs to my bedroom and showed her where I kept my secret stash of adult videotapes and DVDs. I told her she could use them any time, or we could watch them together whenever she wanted. She said how about right now, and so we did. The movies I have are all of young women either masturbating or making love with other young women. That’s what I like best and my taste certainly seemed to suit Faith. She chose one and we started it showing on the TV in my bedroom, then we snuggled together on the bed and played with ourselves for the next hour and a half. I have no idea how many orgasms we each had — too many to count — but finally we were exhausted. Faith asked if she could sleep in my room that night and so we shared a bed, cuddling with each other in our warm erotic afterglow and sleeping wonderfully.
Two years later and it’s every bit as special now as it was then. My daughter and I are really very sexual with each other. It’s almost like we’re lesbian girlfriends or something. No, that’s not right, I mean, we don’t really make love, per se, but we kind of play and tease like we’re lovers. One thing we like to do is go shopping together at places like Victoria’s Secret and try on naughty little outfits for each other in the dressing room. I swear, every single time we do that we always end up watching each other masturbate right there in the dressing room! It’s so hot to be together that way, so turned on and yet having to stay quiet and not be discovered. God, what amazing orgasms we’ve had doing that!
Gina, 37, mother of one daughter, age 12:
We only started recently, just about six months ago, a few weeks before she turned 12. I’d actually been thinking a lot about it for several years and masturbating like crazy while I imagined what it would be like doing it in front of her. Before I got brave enough to do what I really wanted, I’d fantasized about it a lot and made myself cum hundreds of times while thinking about having her watch me. Then she came home from school one day and said they’d learned about masturbation in health class, but she didn’t really understand because she’d never tried it.
That was just what I wanted to hear! I told Hannah, my daughter, that we’d have a sort of special homework class after dinner that night. And that’s what we did. I took her into my bedroom and took off my clothes and started showing her all the parts of a woman’s body. I suggested that she take off her clothes too, so we could compare, and she did. I showed her the difference between my mature breasts and her still-developing ones. I licked my finger and rubbed it lightly over the tip of my nipple to make it grow long and hard and she did the same to her nipples. I parted my labia and showed her where my clitoris was and I helped her find her own. She remarked that I seemed to have a lot more moisture between the lips than she did and I said that’s because I am very easily aroused. It doesn’t take much at all, and just talking about our bodies and especially touching myself (and touching her as well, which I chose not to mention) very quickly put me in the mood for an orgasm. She asked how often I did it (every single day, at least once, often more) and whether I could tell her the best way to masturbate.
Well, I said, I could tell you, but perhaps the best thing is for me to show you. Hannah seemed to like that idea, and so I started by caressing my breasts, getting my nipples nice and hard, even lifting them up to my face so I could lick the tips. She thought that was really cool and was jealous that her little breasts we`re way too small for it to work.
After spending several minutes working on my breasts and my nipples, my cunt was aching to be touched and I told Hannah how it felt. I said, I can feel my clit throbbing and when I press my thighs together like this, ooh, it feels so good. I could almost cum without even touching myself. But I want to touch myself, Hannah, because that feels even better. And I want you to watch so that you can learn how to do it for yourself. Okay? She nodded eagerly, and so I opened my legs to her, spreading my thighs apart and gently stroking the soft skin near my crotch. I could smell my arousal and I was sure she could too, although she didn’t say anything.
Now watch closely, Hannah, I said, while Mommy plays with herself. Get down there close so that you can see everything, honey.
As I saw my darling daughter’s fresh little 11-year-old face getting down between my legs, as I saw her big green eyes wide with excitement, and saw her long, shiny copper-colored hair draping over my knee, I had to restrain myself from grabbing my cunt right away and having an almost instantaneous orgasm. But somehow, I managed to wait, to take it slow.
Look at Mommy’s vagina, I said in a quavering voice. See how the lips get all puffy and red? That’s what happens during sexual excitement. And when I run just the tips of my fingers up and down over this very soft skin on the inside part of my thigh, it feels really really good. Do you want to touch it and see how soft it is? That’s right, that’s Mommy’s good little girl. Now watch when Mommy pulls her lips apart so you can look inside. See how wet it is? Can you see right up inside Mommy’s vagina? See how pink I am? Your little vagina is like that too, except it won’t get so wet unless you are very very excited. It’s okay, you can touch it if you want. Go ahead, touch Mommy’s pink vagina. Feel how soft and smooth and wet it is. Go on, honey, it’s alright. There… AHH! Ooh, you made Mommy tickle when you touched her there. That’s a good girl. It feels so nice. You want to touch Mommy again? Go on, baby. Yes, that’s right. Ohh, god yes… Now—no, don’t take your hand away! Keep it there. Put your finger back inside and push it in just a little more deeply. Mmm, that’s my girl. Oh, don’t stop, push it in more. Uh-huh, now pull it out a little and then push it back in, deeper. Yes, your finger is getting wet, isn’t it. I know, it’s really warm inside there. Your little vagina will feel warm too, when you fu— I mean, when you do this for yourself. But, oh, ah, keep helping Mommy now. Don’t stop. And watch, sweetie, how I’m rubbing my fingers on my clit while you help me down there. Come on, keep… keep moving your finger in and out… honey, baby, can you do two fingers for Mommy? Can Mommy’s little girl put two fingers inside now? Yeah, uh-huh, that’s right, oh, goddamn that feels so fucking good! Mommy’s getting close now, baby — Mommy’s getting ready to cum. Mommy’s going to cum on your hand… right… NOW!!!
Unh…ohh…fuck, that’s so good!! Mmmm, uh… uh-oh — Jesus, did I just masturbate in front of you? I’m so sorry, I guess I just got caught up in remembering it.
What? Oh, well, since then we pretty much have just repeated what we did the first time. I’ve asked her if she wants to masturbate together with me, but she says she likes doing it better by herself. But she seems very happy “helping” me the way she does. Basically, she fingers my cunt and I rub my clit and I have incredibly powerful orgasms. I guess technically you could say we are having sex, but I don’t think of it that way. To me, it’s more like she’s just giving me a foot rub or a back rub or something. It’s a little more intimate than that, of course, but it still feels innocent and natural.
Jennifer, 35, mother of two daughters, 13 and 9:
Sure, I feel guilty about it sometimes, but then I figure what’s the harm. I mean, my mother kept me in her bed with her the whole time I was growing up. I’d fall asleep at night sucking her breasts, even when I was 10 or 12 years old. It’s just what we always did. When I was younger, of course, I didn’t realize that Mother was masturbating while I sucked on her nipples. But by the time I was 8 or 9, I could tell that something was happening, and that’s about the time she started teaching me how to give myself an orgasm.
The last time I did that with my mother was when I was 18 years old, the night before I went off to college. We cried together that night, because we both knew it would never be the same way again. But I sucked on her nipples while she masturbated, and then I made myself cum while she got down between my legs and watched, which is what we always did. We slept together that night in each other’s arms and the next morning we showered together and for the one and only time in our lives, we fingered each other. I suppose it was because we knew something was ending and that this would never happen again, and so we let our inhibitions go. She sucked on my nipples for the first time, and we kissed, which we’d never done before, in a sexual way I mean, and we held each other tight and then she slipped her hand down between my legs and I slid my hand down to her pussy and we made each other cum. It was glorious and beautiful. We never repeated it, and just three years later my mother died of cancer when she was only 42. I miss her so much.
But now I’m carrying on the tradition, you might say, and maybe in a way I’m doing it to honor her. Of course, I’m also doing it because I want to, because my daughter Kayla is so incredibly sexy, and because it’s the best way I know to express my feelings for her. Kayla is my 13-year-old, and what a beauty she is. Watching her grow up, I knew all along that she would become an exceptionally desirable young woman, and that’s what she is.
I haven’t followed exactly the same pattern with Kayla as what I had with my mother. She doesn’t suck on my nipples, for example — at least, not yet — but we do sleep together in the same bed and masturbate together. And just like my mother used to love watching up close while I played with myself, I do the same thing with her. In fact, we sort of do it at the same time. We each lay on our sides, head to foot, or really head to genitals, so we can see exactly what the other person is doing. And we love talking to each other while we’re masturbating — dirty talk, you might say — describing to each other how we’re rubbing our clits or fucking our cunts or what have you. It’s extremely exciting that way.
Now that my little one, Lauren, is not so little any more, I think it’s about time to get her involved as well. She’s only 9 years old, which might seem too young, but I don’t think it is. After all, that’s how old I was when my mother taught me to masturbate, so I kind of I think owe it to Lauren to give her an early start just like I had. Besides, she has the cutest little body that’s just beginning to develop, and I must admit selfishly that want to be able to watch her up close, as close as I can, as her little breasts begin to bud and as her pubic hair starts to grow out. I can’t imagine anything more special than a mother and daughter sharing that wonderful time together.
Kayla and I often talk about Lauren, and about bringing her into our bed. The younger one has always slept by herself, while Kayla slept with me. But now we have agreed that it’s time to make it a threesome. Kayla is almost as excited about Lauren as I am. Sometimes when we’re masturbating together, Kayla will talk about how fun it would be to watch Lauren play with her hairless little pussy or pinch her tiny nipples. It makes Kayla cum really hard when I tell her to pretend that instead of looking at my cunt, she’s seeing her little sister’s fingers sliding in and out of that smooth pussy.
So now we’re ready, both of us. The only thing I can’t figure out is how we can all three watch each other at the same time. Maybe we’ll have to take turns. Or maybe I’ll try Mother’s method after all, and have my two daughters suck on my nipples while I make myself cum. Ooh, that sounds great!
Afterword
In conclusion, the designers of this survey should be forthright and state that they also are mother and daughter, a forty-six-year-old PhD and twenty-five-year-old graduate student, and that they became involved in similar sexual activities with each other when the mother, Ingrid, was thirty-one and the daughter, Sonya, was ten. This relationship has carried on until the present day.
In our case, it began with Ingrid conducting an unusual experiment using her young daughter as a subject. The aim was to learn whether images of women masturbating would be arousing to a girl at various stages of her development.
Beginning at age six, and thereafter once a year for the next six years, Ingrid exposed Sonya to a series of erotic photographs and videos during hour-long sessions repeated daily for one week. Sonya was connected to instruments to measure her pulse rate, blood pressure, skin temperature, and brain activity. The results showed that as Sonya matured, her reactions to the images she was seeing intensified physically.
It should be noted that Ingrid did not intervene to stop Sonya from touching herself during these sessions (in response to or in imitation of the masturbatory acts she was seeing), nor did she do anything to overtly encourage such self-pleasuring. Ingrid did, however, observe Sonya on a concealed camera while the girl was watching videos and looking at pictures in magazines. She also had hidden cameras installed in Sonya’s bedroom so she could study her daughter’s actions when she was alone.
At ages six and seven, Sonya made no apparent attempts at masturbation during the sessions, but by age eight, she could be seen rubbing her crotch while watching the videos, and she also asked her mother at that time if she could keep one of the magazines being used. Ingrid allowed this, and then she observed Sonya playing with herself in her bedroom while looking at the pictures. It was not clear at the time whether the girl was able to achieve orgasm.
During the sessions when Sonya was ten years old, she began to verbally express significant curiosity about what she was viewing. She openly played with herself while being shown the videos, and then asked her mother to teach her how to masturbate like the women she had seen. Ingrid took Sonya into her bed and they masturbated together. It was then that Sonya experienced her first orgasm.
Ingrid and Sonya continued to masturbate together for the next two years. Then, when Sonya was twelve, Ingrid decided to modify the experiment and show her daughter videos and photos of two or more women having lesbian sex. Again, she measured the girl’s physical reactions and also observed her behavior on hidden camera. By this time, of course, Sonya was quite adept at bringing herself repeatedly to a climax, and this is what she did while watching the videos and looking at the pictures.
After having seen the images of lesbian lovemaking, Sonya was eager to try it. She spoke to her mother about her desires, and Ingrid told her that although Sonya was too young to be looking for sexual partners, if she was truly interested in learning, Ingrid would demonstrate with her some of the things women could do together.
This is how we became lesbian lovers, beginning when Sonya was twelve and Ingrid thirty-three. Thirteen years later, we are still deeply involved in sexual activity with one another, and although we each will sometimes enjoy other female partners (either separately or together), our primary relationship is with each other.
Personal Addendum
Finally, permit us to say that although this study was conducted with scrupulous precision and academic objectivity, we view the findings with satisfaction, and indeed with pleasure. It’s gratifying to know that we have been able to shed light on a subject far too long hidden: the natural desire for women to share themselves in a sexually intimate way with their young daughters, and the consequent beneficial behaviors flowing from that desire.
Our hope is that as this phenomenon becomes better understood — and especially as women everywhere learn how common it truly is — many more mothers and many more daughters will experience the special closeness such activities can provide.