Lisa and Brenda, Jenna and Me
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I lay awake that night thinking about the mistake I had made. I had been hoping to meet Lisa again and get to know her, but now I had managed to get her girlfriend to cheat on her. There might be some girls who would hope Lisa got jealous and left her girlfriend after something like that. I am not that kind of girl. My heart ached for Lisa, whom I barely knew but would have liked to know better.
When my alarm went off — about two hours after I finally fell asleep — I went to the bathroom to pee and shower. Sitting on the toilet to think about what to do about my faux pas, I ended up getting pissed off at Brenda and Lisa, wondering why the fuck they weren’t roommates. If they had been, all this would have been easily avoided. Then I realized it was immature to blame them. While I made an honest mistake, the mistake was mine. They obviously had some reason not to be living together, and it wasn’t my place to question their motives.
I would have talked to Lisa about what I’d done, but I didn’t know where or how to find her. All I knew was that she attended UCLA, which is a HUGE campus. The place has ten libraries. Actually, there may be more. I’m aware of ten, though. That’s how big the campus is.
As I sat there thinking, long after I finished peeing, Jenna walked in.
“You gonna be long?” she asked.
“No. I’m finished. Just thinking about stuff.”
She took a longer look at me and her brow furrowed with concern. “Wow. You look like shit. Did you go out after I went to bed and get drunk or something?”
I looked at my adopted sister through bleary eyes. “Thanks for the encouragement,” I said, wiping myself and flushing.
“If I don’t tell you, who will?” she asked.
“Probably everyone I see today.”
“Wanna shower together?” she asked.
“As long as a shower is all you have in mind,” I said. “I’m too tired for anything else.”
“Who has the time?” she asked. “I gotta get ready for school myself, and you’re usually out of the shower by now. Just trying to save a little time and maybe cheer you up by washing your back.”
I thought about that. If I’d been in the mood for sex, I would have turned down her offer because I knew where washing my back would lead in that situation and she was right about not having time. But I was in no mood for sex — a rare thing but not unheard of — so I accepted her offer. My time sitting on the pity pot, literally, had taken up my shower time, and her offer was both sweet and smart.
After washing my hair and the rest of my body, I let the hot water cascade over me. Jenna soaped a washcloth and gently rubbed my back, both cleaning and relaxing me.
“So, what’s the big problem keeping you up at night?” she asked. Of course, I knew she would want to talk a little bit about whatever was bugging me, which was actually another reason I had accepted her offer to shower together.
“I fucked up,” I said and surprised myself by starting to cry.
Jenna turned me around to allow the water to rinse my back as well as to hug me. “Oh, Cheryl. What is it? Don’t cry. You’ll make me cry, and I don’t even know what’s wrong.”
Have I mentioned I love my sister? We argue sometimes, but she cares so deeply for me and my mom.
“I seduced this girl and later found out I was getting her to cheat on her girlfriend, who happens to be that girl Lisa I told you about.”
“You didn’t know they were together?” she asked.
“No. I just knew she had the same name as Lisa’s girlfriend — Brenda.”
She pushed me back and looked in my bloodshot eyes. “I’m sorry, but explain to me how this is your fault.”
“Jenna, it doesn’t matter if I meant to do it or not. If Lisa finds out, she’ll assume I did this to make her break up with Brenda, which would put me next to last on her list of people she would agree to have sex with, right above Phyllis Schlafly.”
“Oh,” Jenna said. “I get it now.” Then, “Who’s Phyllis Schlafly?”
I sighed. I love Jenna dearly, but since she’d turned thirteen if it wasn’t porn or required for school, she wouldn’t read it. “An ultra-conservative woman who was against things like the Equal Rights Amendment.” I looked at her puzzled expression and explained further. “The amendment guaranteeing women equal rights?”
“Oh,” she said. “There’s an amendment for that?”
“Not yet.”
“Well, that’s stupid.”
“Yeah. You really do have to read educational material more often,” I said. “Now, back to my problem?”
“Why not talk to Lisa about it before she has a chance to make up her mind about your motives?”
“Because I don’t know where the fuck to find her?” I said, phrasing it in a question to illustrate how silly Jenna’s question was.
Then she looked at me with this ‘how-can-you-be-so-dumb’ expression.
“Well, I don’t!” I protested.
“Do you know where Brenda lives?”
“Well, of course I do, she –” Then it hit me, explaining Jenna’s look questioning my intelligence. My sister may not be up on the political climate in America, but she was not stupid by any means when it came to dealing with a problem. I guess it came from her having to deal with her mother being held captive for seven years.
My irritation turned to delight in a breath. Smiling for the first time that morning, I hugged Jenna, the hot water of the shower running on us like warm rain. “Of course! I can wait outside Brenda’s dorm. Lisa’s bound to drop by sometime, or Brenda will go see her. All I have to do is wait for Lisa to drop by or follow Brenda if she leaves!”
Holding Jenna to me like that, I noticed how her breasts were pressing into my own, feeling her nipples touching my skin like small fingers exploring my body.
Seeing that the solution to my problem brought back my libido, I hurriedly kissed Jenna without much passion and said, “I have to go. Thank you so much for your help, little sister!”
And with that I left the shower before I made everyone late for school, including the twins who were getting out of bed as I entered the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around my wet hair and a smile on my face.
The first thing I did was call Deanna to let her know I would probably drive myself today, explaining my plan and how I didn’t want to keep her at school late. She wanted to go with me, but I wouldn’t let her. This was not something you did with an audience.
********
Dusk was coming when I saw Brenda leaving her dorm building. She was dressed nicely, so I strongly suspected she was on her way to Lisa’s. I nervously followed her at a distance, wondering if Gwen would have been proud of my stealth in shadowing my subject.
When Brenda got to her destination, I realized why they didn’t live together. It was a modest little house about a half mile from campus. At first I thought Brenda had not been going to see Lisa after all when an older man I recognized as one of the associate professors at UCLA answered the door. Maybe she was there to meet one of her professors about a class, but then I saw Lisa behind the man, and I noticed the resemblance. Lisa lived at home with her professor father, and probably her mother as well. She lived at home, as I did, more likely to save some money rather than by choice. Associate professors did not rake in the big bucks, after all, just as most teachers don’t. They probably couldn’t afford both tuition and housing for Lisa since only full professors got any big breaks on the costs of their children attending the university.
As I recalled my anger that Lisa and Brenda didn’t room together, I was reminded not to judge people too harshly when I didn’t have all the details.
I didn’t want to barge in while Brenda was there, of course, so I waited until she left, but when she did, Lisa was with her. Apparently, they were going out somewhere close-by together, walking along and holding hands. I wondered if Lisa’s parents knew the extent of their relationship or if Lisa was in the closet. I reminded myself to make sure Lisa came outside to talk to her when she returned and Brenda left. I wouldn’t want to add outing her to her family to my list of transgressions that could ruin her life.
I decided not to follow them, choosing to remain in the shadows across from Lisa’s house until they returned and Brenda left.
When they did come back, which was sooner than I expected, they were in the middle of an argument. I could hear them from half a block away, though I couldn’t make out what they were saying until they got a bit closer. Lisa was obviously upset, and Brenda was trying to calm her.
I didn’t have to wonder what they were arguing about. I had to hand it to Brenda, though. She was an honest person, even if it risked her relationship with Lisa. I knew it was always better to confront the person you hurt before he or she could hear the bad news from someone else. After all, that’s what I had come to do myself. I listened to them arguing as they walked along. Well, Brenda walked. Lisa seemed to storm up the sidewalk. She was crying, and my heart broke for her.
“How could you?!” Lisa was saying. “I had the chance to fuck them both! They both wanted me, Brenda! Especially Cheryl. But I said no. I was faithful to you, even if my pussy was soaking wet just thinking about it!”
“I’m sorry!” Brenda pleaded, near tears herself. “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?!”
“Ten million won’t be enough! I love you. I’m faithful to you. And you…you–” She paused to catch her breath or gather her thoughts, I’m not sure which. “You jump into bed with her the first chance you get!”
“She was so, I don’t know, sexy and urging me to join in. She’s quite the seductress!”
Me? Seductress? I think all I did was crook my finger at her and ask her to join in and have fun. I was seeing myself as others saw me, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. Or maybe Brenda was just grasping at straws to get Lisa to forgive her. Either way, what she was saying pissed me off, but I remained in the shadows, unwilling to make my presence known, probably not even after they finished talking and Lisa went inside.
“Shit, Brenda! She got herself off in a filled auditorium with me watching! I still didn’t ‘join in.’ You were just an opportunity. She was pursuing me like gangbusters! It did my ego a lot of good… until you destroyed it by telling me a quickie with her is more important than I am!”
“It wasn’t!”
“Then why didn’t you follow our rules?! You could have masturbated watching them to your heart’s content. You know what we said! What we promised! Then the first chance you get you break the promise!”
“It wasn’t like that!”
“Well, tell it to the judge!”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know! Shit! Brenda, you hurt me, okay? You broke my heart!”
Lisa broke down, sobbing into her hands. I could feel my own tears running down my cheeks as I wept silently for this sweet girl who did nothing to deserve this. She was still the cutest, most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and I’d had a hand in hurting her deeply. I was ashamed of myself. I hadn’t meant for this to happen. Hadn’t even known Brenda was dating anyone. But I was still ashamed because I had hurt someone who had done nothing to earn the pain I had caused.
Brenda tried to console Lisa, touching her shoulder in an attempt to get her to look at her, maybe even hug her. Lisa wasn’t having it, though. She jerked her shoulder away from the touch as if Brenda’s hand were a spider.
“Leave me alone!” she sobbed. “Just leave me the fuck alone!”
“But Lisa. She was so seductive!”
“Stop blaming her!” Lisa said, venom filling every word. “It wasn’t her fault! You said before she had no idea you dated me! She was just… I don’t know… doing what comes naturally! But you betrayed me! You betrayed my trust! She was in it for a good time! You could have had a good time, but you wanted a better one! So get away from me! I fucking hate you!”
Anger had now become the dominant emotion. She was more than hurt, she was pissed off.
Still, I felt like a heel rejoicing that she had said it wasn’t my fault. After all, Lisa wasn’t the only one hurt here. Brenda was, too, though I could see Lisa’s point. Brenda had been completely aware of the entire situation. She knew she wasn’t supposed to accept my offer, an offer given in ignorance of all the facts. I suddenly realized that Brenda deserved what was happening right now. I hadn’t seduced her so much as invited her to join in and have fun. All she had to do was tell me what Lisa had told Deanna, that she was in a committed relationship. I would have backed off immediately.
Of course I would have been disappointed, but I would have accepted that she was not wanting to hurt her girlfriend. Hell, it could have been a boyfriend. I still would have understood.
“So that’s it?” Brenda asked. “You’re never going to forgive me?”
“How can I?” Lisa asked. “I could never trust you again. I can’t live that way.”
“And you don’t love me anymore? Just like that?” Brenda asked, snapping her fingers.
Lisa looked at her with determination and sadness coming off her in waves. “Of course, I still love you. But I’ll get over it.”
Without a sound, Brenda turned and started toward her dorm. “Fine!” she said when she was about thirty feet away. “You just lost the best girl you’ll ever know.”
“I hope that’s not true,” Lisa said to herself, not loud enough for Brenda to hear. I heard it, though, and my heart ached. It didn’t matter who this lovely girl fell in love with, as long as it was someone who cherished her as much as she deserved to be cherished.
Turning, Lisa started across the street to her house. Her mother met her at the door, and I could hear her say something about hearing them over the TV. Lisa burst into tears all over again and hugged her mother. The door closed, sealing the ugliness of life out.
I had watched her go, wanting to say something but knowing I shouldn’t. At least now I knew where to find her if I ever did want to talk to her.
As it turned out, she found me without really trying.
********
At home my family didn’t ask me about my night. I remained silent, picking at my salmon with dill sauce, asparagus, and rice, which was one of my favorite dishes. I thanked Cindy for fixing it. Apparently, word had spread through the family that I was having a problem related to a girl at school, and Cindy had chosen to make a dinner I usually loved. Tonight was different, however. Nothing would have tasted good to me.
After I went to bed, an hour earlier than usual, Jenna came in.
“Wanna talk?”
“Not really,” I said.
“Mind if I lie down?”
“Suit yourself,” I said, knowing she was just giving me a chance to talk if I wanted to. She knew me well, of course. I ended up spilling my guts about what I’d heard while standing on a shadowed street, weeping quietly while witnessing the death of a relationship I had a hand in killing.
“I hurt her,” I said. “I know I didn’t hurt her on purpose, but I hurt her nonetheless,” I said, crying softly.
“Yeah, but both of you will get over it.”
That reminded me of Lisa’s words to Brenda, which I had not shared with Jenna, and I started sobbing.
Jenna held me, stroking my back and telling me how much she loved me.
Have I mentioned how much I love my sister?
Continue on to Chapter 69