By Amanda
1796 – Philadelphia and New York
The servants had brought breakfast to my room. This was not unheard of but rare. Soon after the meal arrived, Catherine came in and sat with me while I ate. I had been living with her for three years now, and most of my morning meals were taken in the dining room or sometimes the kitchen.
“I’m traveling south, to Georgia, to breed one of my mares,” Catherine informed me, looking sad. “I shan’t be returning alone.”
“Is something wrong?”
“It’s too terrible to face, I fear.”
I wiped my mouth and sat up straighter. “But, what is it?”
“Now that my mother is dead, I am the end of the family line. I once hoped she would become well again and bear a brother for me. Someone to will our fortune to. However this has never happened. So it falls to me to produce an heir.”
“You can’t mean…”
“Indeed I do.” Tears formed in her eyes. “I fear that my parties, my tavern, the life I love, must come to an end.”
“This cannot be, Catherine. Surely there is another way.” Setting my tray aside, I moved closer. “Can women not own property handed down to them? This is the new world, is it not?”
She looked at me for a moment, then said, “And then, after I am gone, to whom should my holdings pass?”
“But if you marry, would your husband not take everything?” I asked.
“I’m no fool, child. My lawyer, he is my uncle. Though I control much wealth, my holdings are, on paper, scant. It is by fortune alone that my uncle would be so honest as to fulfill my father’s wishes. And I fear he might not have been so were it not that my father’s fortune pales next to his own. What is mine is hidden in false holding companies and manly pseudonyms.”
“Still, surely you need not be married.”
“Should I produce a bastard?” She seemed to contemplate this for a moment. I could see that she was desperately searching for some alternative. “Perhaps rescue an orphan and will it all to her?”
This notion brightened her face slightly. To me it sounded like the perfect solution, but even being in her home, I did not fully understand the nuances of people of wealth.
“No man shall abide my wickedness,” Catherine said quietly. “The whole of my life will change, and all so I can produce an heir to leave my fortune to.”
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye. “I have always hated my fortune, and now it has cost me everything I hold dear… funny, isn’t it?” she scoffed. “The things we cherish most often cannot be bought.”
“But why?” I pleaded. “Why must you marry a man? Leave it all to Alice, or…”
“To you?” she smiled. “If only that were possible.”
“Why can’t it be?”
I had to understand this. I was scarcely concerned with the prospect of inheriting her wealth. What I feared was losing everything else Catherine meant to me. “Why can’t you make it possible?”
“It simply isn’t done. That is why.” She sounded angry.
“What will we do without you, Catherine? Does that mean nothing to you?”
“Oh, more than I can say.” She placed her hand on my arm. “My girls and my horses are all that I’ve ever loved.”
I was sobbing uncontrollably by now. I ached at the thought of losing Catherine. I wondered who else I would lose? Alice? Those I called friends from the tavern?
“What manner of wife will you make?” I asked.
“A terrible one, I’ll wager,” she laughed. “Shan’t let him touch me once I conceive. Perhaps I should be so lucky then as to have him divorce me.”
“What about a… a sodomite?” I cringed. “If you would ignore his wickedness, might he not strike a deal and ignore yours too?”
Catherine laughed again. “No I fear that Pierre is truly a man.”
“You know him already?”
“I do.”
“But Catherine, there could never be another like you.” I wiped the tears from my eyes. “What you’ve created for us, no one could ever manage that again.”
“Perhaps it will all be fine in the end. On our wedding night if I conceive it could all end there, since he’ll no doubt see that I failed to bleed for him.”
“You’ve…”
“Many years ago. From whom do you think Madeline learned about the dildo? I had learned it from my first lover. And I hope someday, Liz, you too will teach it to another. If that is the legacy I can pass on, then this will not be so horrible.”
She sighed heavily. “I’ve known for many years this time would come. I’ve simply denied it for as long as I can. I only have a few years left now in which I can produce an heir. Then it will be too late.”
“So let it be too late, Catherine. Will all your wealth to the Quakers. They could even continue to help your slaves.”
Catherine shook her head. “I have dedicated what must surely be many pounds of gold, tons of ships, and even blood, to that cause and that religion. So much that if gold were the answer, nary a Negro would live in bondage the world over. However, it is not gold which will free them, but people. And when I am gone, with or without my fortune, there shall be one less to fight for them.”
A moment of contemplation passed her. “This is something I cannot escape, love. A time comes when we all must do what is expected of us. I’ve done all I could, but now I too must do my duty. As Eliza shall someday, as Constance shall, as with all of us who must produce heirs.”
And that was the end of it.
Again I found myself devastated. It seemed that everyone I came to rely on somehow was taken from me. That was the moment I finally began to realize that I must become my own woman. I must make my own way in the world and never place my future in the hands of another again. These realizations, however, did nothing to stem my tide of tears. I cried for the next three days.
Catherine was true to her word with me. She arranged to give me all the money from the sale of Madeline’s home. She also saw to it that funds her husband would never find out about were paid to me every week. It was quite a tidy sum. Twenty-five gold coins each week. I was shocked by such generosity, and wondered to myself how I could ever begin to spend such a surplus.
I had to decide where I was going to go, what I was going to do. I could not stay in Catherine’s house, but at least I had until the next party, which was to be held in the spring of that year.
She made it known that this would be her last, and it certainly was the best, even in the shadow of her burden. Women came from across the seas to partake of her hospitality. It lasted a full week and every manner of debauchery was indulged. Catherine spared no expense in treating us all to everything she could imagine. Perhaps most surprising, it was she who put on the stage performance — much to Alice’s disappointment, as the girl had dearly hoped to be the crown jewel of this final gathering.
For the concluding year, the ultimate taboo. Catherine invited as a guest one of the former slaves she had brought to Pennsylvania years before. For many, that was a great shock. But far more shocking was to see Catherine in her coat and breeches kneeling between the woman’s legs, lapping and sucking at her sex. I asked myself if this was what she had meant by her ‘exotic tastes’.
When it all was over, I fell to tears again. Alice stayed with me another two days but could do little to comfort me. Before she left, though, she made me swear an oath that I would write to her from wherever I went.
So, that was the finish of my time with Catherine and ultimately in Philadelphia. Without Catherine’s leadership and tavern there would be nothing left of us, her girls. However, I knew a bit about some of the attendees of her parties, and I wondered whether anything like I had known here might exist elsewhere in the country.
New York City seemed to have promise. It was there that Constance had been widowed, and where she lived with a woman she commonly called her cousin. I did not know her address, but surely someone there would know her name. Constance after all was quite wealthy thanks to the death of her husband.
I had told by Catherine that I might wish to seek out Constance in New York, thus setting my heart on that city in the end. She knew others there who might be persuaded to introduce me. Little did I know at the time what she was sending me to.
Catherine had lawyers in Amsterdam, Paris, and New York City. All I would have to do is tell any of them my name, and the allowance she had afforded me would begin to come within weeks.
On the day that Catherine and I said our tearful goodbyes, she left for the south and I took a coach north from Philadelphia, but not before stopping to see Alice for what I feared might have been the last time in my life.
The trip to New York City was unexpectedly short. I would suppose that if I had done more study of maps and geography I might not have been so surprised.
I rented a room in a hotel across the street from where the coachman let me out. I stood looking out of the window wondering if this was my new home, or just a stop on the way to a life I had not yet conceived.
I was flush with cash. I had been given a thousand gold coins, plus an additional twenty-five per week paid back for the years I had lived with Catherine. I could hardly believe how much she had given me, though it was not a lifetime’s wealth. It was only enough to get me started well in a new place, and I mustn’t spend it foolishly.
As I stood in my room gazing out of the window while the sun set lazily, suddenly I became aware of the destiny that I would make for myself. It was this new vision that gave me a direction in my life. I could learn all I needed and hopefully find the perfect city to live out my dream.
I ate my supper that night content in the knowledge that I would, for the first time in my life, have a destiny of my own making. Indeed I would rely on Catherine’s money initially, but the day would come when I could thank her politely and cut myself off. I simply needed to find a way to perpetuate an income first.
In the morning I would find Constance. She had no reason to befriend me, as I was much beneath her, but we had at least our perversions in common and the knowledge of Catherine’s sorority. I hoped that perhaps that might be enough for us and she would be willing to teach me about the interesting points of New York City.
With the sunrise my first stop became Catherine’s New York lawyer. I secured my income for the following weeks, and perhaps months or years. I was about to leave the office when it occurred to me that this gentleman might be acquainted with the woman I sought.
“Sir, I was wondering,” I began. “Do you perchance know a widow by the name of Constance Burgham?”
The lawyer looked at me, curious why one like myself might ask after a lady of such station. I could tell, however, that he did know her, and hoped he would assist me in finding her.
After staring at me for several moments, he finally said, “She lives outside the city, in Kings County.”
“Would you provide me a map, perhaps?” I batted my eyes and did my level best to seem demure and helpless. I prayed this would cause him to take pity on me.
He did as I asked. And with map in hand I left him, taking the first coach I could. I gave the driver the map and we traveled for almost two hours, including a ferry ride from Manhattan to Long Island, before reaching the Burgham estate.
I was quite concerned as I walked up the path to the house. I hesitated a moment before ringing the bell. Shortly afterward a man opened the door, looking me over carefully.
“I am Elizabeth Jordan,” I said. “I am here to speak to the lady of the house.”
“No solicitors, ma’am.” He was about to shut the door, but I blocked it with my foot and smiled. “No, of course not. But I am not a solicitor. I believe she will be willing to speak with me. I am one of Catherine’s girls.”
He paused, then nodded his head and told me to wait, closing the door. After ten minutes, I thought I was being made the fool and was about to leave when the door opened again. It was the same man. “This way,” he said.
I was led through a house every bit as wonderful as Catherine’s to a parlor. There, upon a sofa, sat Constance with Mary, the supposed cousin she was never far from.
“Elizabeth Jordan, m’lady,” the man announced, then walked away.
“It took me a moment to remember your name, girl,” Constance said, looking me over. “You could have dressed better, perhaps, and my man might not have thought you a solicitor.”
She stood and approached me. “One of Catherine’s girls,” she said with a false smile. This was not going well. She did not at all look pleased to see me. “What is it? Do you want money? Quarter?”
“No, nothing like that, m’lady.”
“Good, because you shan’t find it here.” She resumed her seat on the sofa, and I moved to stand in front of her.
“You know the city,” I finally said. “I do not. I need someone to teach me the… finer points of New York City, shall we say.”
She glanced at Mary then back to me. “You’re asking me to be your guide?” Mary tittered at this.
“I’m asking you to take pity on one not unlike yourself, ma’am. Catherine has provided well for me, but I wish to find other like-minded women. Perhaps there is a place—”
“No. Not here. Nothing like what Catherine had. I’m sorry.”
She waved a hand, dismissing me, and I had no choice but to leave. I was nearly out of the parlor when she called, “How did you find me?”
When I told her about the lawyer who had given me the map, Constance seemed annoyed. I feared then that I had caused him trouble and was immediately sorry for my honesty. I left them and returned to the waiting coach, who drove me back to my hotel.
A week passed as I searched without finding any sign of anything even remotely similar to Catherine’s tavern. I had hoped I might see something, but the city was larger than Philadelphia and I realized it was very likely that without contacts here I could hunt forever and find nothing. After all, we are necessarily secretive and quite good at it.
I had begun to contemplate other cities. I spent time seeking out bookstores in hopes of finding literature of a more improper nature that might give me some clue as to where I should go next.
It was evening and I was sitting in my room looking over a book I had bought when there came a knock at my door. I got up and crossed the room, opening the door to find Mary standing outside looking a bit unsure.
“Our mutual lawyer friend told me where to find you,” she said. I stood aside to let her in.
“Does Constance know…”
“She sent me,” Mary smiled. “She’s not really so cold as she seemed.”
I suspected that. She had been quite friendly to me at Catherine’s parties.
“New York is not a friendly city for women of our type,” said Mary. “But we are not entirely alone. You will find that there is a tea party held every Monday afternoon at four.”
She handed me a slip of paper with an address. “They wouldn’t let you in off the street, but Constance has promised to send for you, and she will gain access for you.” Mary looked me over, then glanced about my room. “Please wear your finest gown.”
She did not stay any longer. Monday? That was in two days. I would have to find a frock that might allow me to pass in higher circles. Nothing I had brought from Catherine’s seemed appropriate.
I spent several hours the following day, hoping to find something that would fit since I would not have time to wait for one to be made. Eventually I found a red velvet dress that would do for the party.
When at last a coach arrived for me I hurried from my room and boarded it. I thought I might have to pay the fare, but I learned that it was one of Constance’s personal drivers.
I rode some time to a large house within the city. It seemed a fine place and I climbed the steps to the door with great hope and anticipation.
I reached out to ring the bell but the door opened and a woman in a butler’s uniform gestured for me to enter. “Miss Elizabeth Jordan, I presume.” I nodded my head and was led upstairs to a large sitting room.
Within I found five women in silk and velvet dresses seated and chatting, sipping from fine china cups. I was announced and all eyes turned to me. Mary stood and gestured to an empty chair which I took.
I sat quietly, sipping tea as I listened to the conversations of the women around me. I was not sure how to approach them, and none seemed to take much interest in me.
“Elizabeth, is it?” A voice caught my attention and I looked up to see a woman in the most lovely dress, wearing a tall white wig and smiling. “I am Josephine Prager. This is my party.”
She offered me her hand, and believing I understood, I rose and took it, kissing it gently.
“You’re one of the infamous Catherine’s girls, are you not?”
I nodded my head briefly.
“Awful sort, that Catherine, I haven’t the foggiest notion why our Constance indulges her… so, are you the girl she buggered for entertainment?”
There was a titter from the others. I was sure I had blushed, but in truth I felt more anger than shame. Catherine had set us free with her wicked parties. I could not understand how this Josephine could speak that way of her.
“No,” I shook my head. Then something came over me and I surprised myself. “But I think you could use a good buggering and I’d be happy to oblige.”
Josephine’s eyes widened but her smile did not fade. The other guests giggled and she glanced around at them, then back at me.
“Mind your manners, girl,” she snapped.
I looked over at Mary and Constance, who were seated nearby, and they both smiled up at me. “Oh, Josephine, stop being cruel,” said Mary.
Josephine calmly took a sip of her tea. I returned to my chair, keeping my gaze on her.
“We do not engage in such debauchery here,” she said. “We are proper ladies and would never do any such thing… save of course Constance and Mary, filthy sluts that they are.”
“Come now, Josephine, you’ve buggered a girl or two in your time,” Constance teased.
“Indeed, but in my defense I thought they were boys.”
Two hours passed with the women being cruel to me, to one another, and toward Catherine, all for my benefit. I had no idea how they teased me that day. I sat, taking it, grinding my teeth and biting my tongue. I did not give in to my anger. I desired nothing more than to turn them each over my knee and give them a proper spanking for their absolutely awful behavior, but I did nothing.
If these ‘ladies’ were my door to New York’s hidden dark underside, then I had no choice but to take it. No choice but to do as I’d been told and mind my manners. These women though were all I’d come to believe about the very wealthy. Bitchy, cruel, and all behind a false smile. They were not at all the type of woman Catherine and Madeline had taught me to be. Not at all the type of person I wanted to be.
Indeed I must say that what Madeline and Catherine had taught me simply would not do in the normal world which I had to be part on a daily basis. For my nights and in our private time I had learned to be something else altogether, and as terrible as it was, I enjoyed it.
For the next three weeks I continued living in my hotel and going each Monday afternoon to the tea party. I had resolved that third time that I would go no more when Josephine stopped me just as I was leaving.
“What do you know of Catherine and how she came to learn her true nature?” she asked me gently. She was speaking decently to me for the first time and I decided I would answer her question.
I turned fully to face the woman, looking into her eyes. “She calls it a legacy. One taught to her, then to Madeline, and finally to me.”
She laughed. “So you think you know what was taught Catherine? Who do you think it was bestowed that legacy upon her?”
Surprised, my eyes widened. “You?” I could hardly believe what I was hearing after the way she had spoken of Catherine.
“Of course, dear, when she was but a child, even before my husband had died.” Josephine looked quite pleased with herself as she spoke. “She was just a girl when she came beneath my wing.”
“But how?”
“Her mother was ill, and had nothing to say even then of her comings and goings. But she spent a year here and she was my… student.”
“Student, ma’am?”
“Indeed. And now, yes, now I think I should like you to be my student.”
“Me, ma’am?”
I felt quite unsure of what she meant and not a little afraid. I had no idea the honor I was being offered. Josephine said little else, however, leaving me only to imagine what it could mean. And believe you me, I failed miserably to adequately imagine.
She gave me three days to decide and to get my affairs in order. I went to Catherine’s New York lawyer and made sure that my allowance and money would be secure with him. I could only hope when I left to return to my hotel that he was as honest as she.
I waited for the coach to arrive with only my single bag, three dresses, and the sole treasure I had left of Madeline, her wicked device.
I admit that I was intrigued. If Josephine had been Catherine’s mentor, then most certainly I should learn from her as well. I might come to learn the things I needed to meet with the destiny I had chosen for myself.
After all I’d seen, I would find that I was still extremely naive. In the next year of my life I would learn the most horrible things, and yet I would endure it, ever faithful that I might someday pass on Catherine’s legacy, as she had called it.
Josephine’s coach came and I boarded it, preparing myself for what I was going to. At the time I thought myself ready. Surely much of what she would try to show me I would already be acquainted with, and soon I would come to know all those delicious feminine pleasures again. Indeed I felt a kind of giddy excitement at the thought of tasting a woman’s sex on my lips, feeling the softness of her skin neath my fingertips.
I had ridden many times to the house where Josephine held her tea parties, and expected we would again. But the driver turned to the east and we went to the river, took the ferry, then traveled two more hours before arriving at a fabulous estate that could rival even Catherine’s.
I was let out at the door and climbed the short stair, ringing the bell as soon as I reached it. It would have seemed that I was eagerly awaited as the door opened immediately and I found a maid smiling back at me.
“Elizabeth, I presume.”
I curtsied quickly.
“You’re expected.” She led me to a parlor where Josephine sat quietly strumming a harp. I must admit this sight surprised me a bit, but I did not show it.
She continued what she was playing as I stood in anticipation. I was becoming uncomfortable when at last the woman finished, then arose and strode across the room to stand before me.
“An oath,” she said. “You will follow my tutelage without question and without resistance or I shall throw you out on that little ass of yours.”
This concerned me, naturally, but still I’d no idea all that Josephine had in store for me, so I was sure I was prepared.
“Yes,” I answered.
“No. No, you do not speak to me so. You shall answer me only with ‘If it pleases you, my mistress.’ Do you understand?”
What a strange thing to say, I thought, but I obliged her. “If it pleases you, my mistress,” I responded.
“Now swear your oath to me.’
“If it—”
“No, repeat the oath to me as I told you. And bow your head before me.”
I did as she instructed, bowing my head. “I shall follow your tutelage without question or resistance… if it pleases you, my mistress.”
“Very good,” she said. “You should not look me in the eye again, girl.” She glanced down at my bag on the floor. “Come, I will take you to your room.”
I was led to a large room with an impressive bed. Four tall posts rose from the foot and head of the bed to hold aloft a silken canopy. It was such a fine soft bed that I could hardly believe it would be mine. I’d no thought at all that its loveliness also hid utility.
After placing my bag in the wardrobe, I turned to find Josephine standing directly behind me. “Remove your clothes,” she said.
I swallowed hard, a bit frightened by her tone.
“Did you hear me, girl?”
“If it pleases you, my mistress.”
I did not know it then, but from that day on I would say little else but ‘If it pleases you, mistress’ time and again.
I did as I was told, taking off my dress and undergown.
“The rest,” she demanded, as I stood before her in my petticoats. Again I uttered what soon would be my motto and removed what clothing I had left.
Josephine went to the night table and picked up a bell. I stood, naked and feeling quite shy. When she rang the bell, my belly tightened. I knew that in a moment a servant would arrive.
It was the very maid who had let me into the house. Josephine handed her my clothing, then went to the wardrobe and took my bag, giving this also to the girl.
“Take it away, Sandra,” she ordered. The maid curtsied and left along with all I had brought.
I stood quietly, my eyes on the floor just before Josephine’s feet. I watched her stepping closer. When she stood directly before me, she spoke again. “Serve me.”
I opened my mouth to speak but said nothing. I did not know what she meant exactly, yet I was too frightened to ask. She repeated her order, this time grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to my knees. I understood then, of course, as she pulled the front of her dress up slightly.
“If it pleases you, my mistress.”
I took the woman’s dress and skirts and lifted them to find that she wore nothing else beneath save her stockings and garter belt. While everything else I’d experienced in the past few minutes had frightened me, this did not. This, rather, felt as if I were slipping in to a comfortable bed, warm and soft.
I leaned forth and wrapped my lips around her clitoris. I slid my fingers between her folds and worked them in and out as I lapped at her sex. I could hear Josephine’s breath coming faster and shorter as I drank in her juices and lavished in the experience.
I could tell she was recently bathed and perfumed, but the scent of her sex rose all the same and I loved it. She was fresh and lovely even in her years. I sucked her sex and licked her folds, I drove my tongue deep within her and moved my fingers more quickly as she rocked on her heels. Her sex grew wetter as I worked my magic upon her, and I knew that at any moment she would climax.
Josephine reached out and steadied herself on the wardrobe as an orgasm ripped through her. I felt her wetness run down my chin and fingers and tried to catch every drop with my tongue. It had been too long since last I’d known this exquisite sin, and if I should be damned for it I dare not miss a single bit.
I slipped from beneath her dress and remained kneeling before her, unsure if she would allow me to stand again.
“Rise,” she commanded after several moments.
I did. I glanced up only long enough to see that she was smiling. I remember feeling a bit of pride at that.
“Come, dinner will be ready soon,” she said.
I glanced about the room briefly, saying nothing but feeling distraught that she intended to parade me about the house in my nakedness with her scent upon me and her taste still in my mouth.
Continue on to Chapter 7