By Amanda
1802 – Paris
The final day of my party. I hated for it to end but I had to decide what I would do. Josette was still my primary idea for the end of the night, but perhaps it would be just as exciting for the women to see Alice violated with my dildo. That seemed, however, like an anticlimax for my first party. On the other hand, Josette would be something to live up to indeed if ever I had such a get-together again.
As the ladies and the boys talked and mingled, I went to my bedchamber and rang my servant’s bell. Soon enough Josette arrived and curtsied. I smiled at her and took her hand, placing it on my elbow. I escorted her to my bed where I sat her down. “I will not force you to do anything, dear. But I do hope you will let me use you in my show tonight.”
She looked away, blushing. I was concerned, but at least she had not refused outright. Eventually she turned toward me. “What would they think of me then?” she asked. “It’s just so awful.”
“They will love the show. Believe me, they will be jealous of you, that you are the one in the show. That you get to be the special one I make love to.”
“And what will you think of me?”
“Do you mean, will I fall in love with you?” I shook my head. “I’m sorry child, that is something I cannot offer. There is already someone else in my heart.”
“Am I to just go on being your maid afterward?”
“I would hope that from time to time we might indulge ourselves, but I’m afraid that, yes, you still would be my maid.”
“It’s not so horrible as I thought,” Josette said quietly. “Sandra was the first I ever made love to and it was…” She shrugged and kept her eyes averted. “Oh, how wicked am I…”
I patted the girl’s hand. “I will tell you what someone very dear to me once told me. Women like us are not wicked. Wickedness breeds only hate and misery. You felt pleasure and joy, and that simply cannot be wicked.”
“But, madame, such things… they are not for a proper lady to enjoy.”
“They most certainly are,” I corrected. “Am I not a lady?”
“You are like no other woman I have ever known. You speak with a freedom that I fear and you live without apology. But indeed, I think you a lady.”
“Tonight, my show, it is just for fun. Meant to excite them all. But for us, for you and I, it is a chance to enjoy something that we perhaps might never have another chance to enjoy. Once these three days are done, life will become very ordinary again. You will return to your regular duties and I, I will return to my tavern, my ships, and sitting about the house hoping to find something to entertain me.”
Hearing myself speak I felt a bit sad. I truly did not want my life to return to the humdrum, but I had little choice.
“If I do this, will you keep me always?” she asked. “I could not bear to be sent away after we did it.”
“Of course, dear. For as long as you want. I’m very happy with you,” I reassured her.
She nodded her head absently.
“Truly I feel bad that you’ve missed most of the party. We could have had fun scandalizing the ladies,” I teased.
Josette giggled.
Her queries weighed on me a bit, though. Should I go ahead and do this with her, even if I were later displeased with her service, I could not turn her out. Serving in my home, she had a measure of freedom and could have the comfort of not being looked down upon. But were she to go elsewhere, she would be in the conventional world, a world of expectations of marriage and all the ordinary things that were required even of a servant girl. If we did this, it would require a long-term commitment on my part.
“You have always been so good to me, madame,” she smiled. “I think that perhaps I should like to give you my virginity.”
“And do you know what happens?”
“It hurts some, they say. And I’ll bleed.”
“I’ll be gentle with you, but there is only so much I can do for the pain. Perhaps a drink of rum will help.”
We talked a short time longer before I sent her down to prepare the table for dinner, and I myself joined the others.
Alice, not surprisingly, was entertaining my guests with a guitar and song. I stood watching her and cheered for her when she finished. It seemed to take me back to another time in my life. A time when I was someone I scarcely recognized now.
I had a worldliness about me now. I knew things that most other women would never dream. Even my guests could not fully understand all the things I had seen and done in my life. Perhaps there was something of Catherine in me. I felt I might have begun to gain her strength, her freedom.
I was mingling with my guests when Monique approached me. I had scarce had time to speak to her. I smiled and hugged her close. “I’ve missed you, dear,” I said quietly. I still had such an affection for her.
“You’re making all of your dreams come true,” she said with a smile. “I feel so fortunate to be counted among your friends.”
“I feel the same. I think my life is richer for having you in it.” I took her hand and placed it on my elbow, then escorted her to my courtyard. “So tell me, have you anyone special?”
She hesitated a moment. “I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “There is a girl, one of the servants. She seems receptive, but I just am not sure.”
“Well, you must take care. You wouldn’t want your employer to find out anything that might hurt you,” I warned.
“Indeed.”
We walked slowly around the perimeter of my yard not saying anything. I was simply enjoying having her on my arm.
“I think I shall make my intentions more clear to her when I get home,” said Monique.
“I hope that she responds favorably,” I replied. “But if not, and you must leave there, then know you will always have a safe home to come to. I have plenty of guest rooms and would happily put you up in one of them.”
“You could put me up anywhere, but you must also promise me at least one night with you,” she teased.
I smiled, but if I got what I truly wanted such a thing simply would not be possible.
We returned to the party and I found Josephine. I needed a favor from her so I found a private corner to talk to her in.
“Tonight I’m going to put on a bit of a show for you all,” I began.
“The servant girl, right?”
I nodded. “After dinner is over, I’d like to make an entrance of sorts. Would you please lead them out so that Josette and I can come into the parlor with all eyes on us?” It was so vain, but I did not care.
“Of course Liz.” She smiled and patted my arm. We then returned to the party. There was drink and more of Josephine’s hemp to smoke. We enjoyed it while waiting for dinner.
Just before dinner, I sent Josette to take my largest pillows and lay them out on the floor of the second floor party hall. I had no stage, but this would do. When she finished, I snuck to my room and retrieved my dildo then took it to the second floor and hid it under one of the pillows.
Then dinner was served and I sat at the head of the table making polite conversation with my guests. They blushed and giggled about what we’d done the night before. Many speculated on what this night’s big event might be.
I teased them, hinting at how scandalous it would be, but I did not reveal my plan. We sat drinking wine and becoming more drunk while Josette nervously served us.
When I felt it was time to treat them to the show, I stood and tapped my fork against my glass. “Ladies and gentlemen…” I looked around the table. “If you will all kindly retire to the parlor, I will send for you in just a few moments. We have quite a treat for you indeed.”
Slowly they got up and began filing out to the parlor, but I stopped Josephine and whispered in her ear. “If you would wait for just ten minutes and then bring them to the second floor, I’ll be ready.”
She smiled and nodded.
Josette had started to remove the dishes but I stopped her. I told her to have the cook finish clearing the table and whisked her away to my room. I would have liked to put her in a fine dress that I could easily remove from her, but I simply had not decided in time what I was going to do. Instead I put her in my loveliest nightgown and I removed my own dress, leaving only my underclothes.
We then hurried to the second floor and stood before the pillows just in time for the ladies to begin arriving at the top of the stair. I encouraged them to gather round me but said very little until they had all arrived.
Finally I said, “Here it is, the last night of our gathering. I trust you have enjoyed yourselves thus far, but tonight is the grand finale. I give you all my lovely maid Josette. She is a dear creature, and as you can see, lovely indeed. But can you imagine? She’s a virgin, and in my very own home.”
There was a giggle from the audience.
“Well, not to worry. I shall alleviate her suffering this very night.”
I took Josette in my arms and kissed her. She seemed nervous and I assumed the tremble I felt in her was not from erotic excitement. I held her back from me slightly and looked into her eyes. She tried to shy away, but I would not let her.
“Give yourself to me,” I whispered.
There was a long pause before at last she nodded her head. “Oui, madame, I am yours to do with as you please.” She spoke quietly but not so low that she was not heard, and what she said seemed to excite my guests.
I slowly slipped the nightgown over her head and off, then coaxed her to her knees on the pillows, leaving her naked. She swallowed hard and seemed unsure but did not stop me. Again I kissed her. I cupped her breasts in my hands and nibbled at her neck. I was listening as her breath grew faster.
I eased her to her back, kissing her as I did. I lapped at her nipples and teased them with my teeth. I returned my attention her soft throat. Eventually I began to make my way down her body. I paused to tongue her belly button, then stopped only upon reaching her mons. I nibbled at it and rubbed my hand over the silky hairs that grew there. Had I this to do over again, I’d have shorn her from her neck to her feet. But it mattered little.
I glanced up to see her with her eyes closed. I smiled and pushed my tongue into her sex. She drew a deep breath and lifted her knees. I slipped my fingers into her and stimulated what I had come to think of the magical patch of flesh behind her pubic bone.
She was rocking her hips. I wanted to draw her close. I hoped that this might help her when I finally donned my dildo.
Josette tangled her fingers in my hair, and I sensed that she was getting very close. I stopped and she nearly gasped. I pulled my dildo from beneath the pillows. I removed the remainder of my clothing and stood to put it on. Some of the women began to whisper. I had not thought before that this might be the first time some of them had seen such a thing.
As I buckled the straps, I looked down to see Josette’s trusting eyes watching me closely. With a smile I knelt back down and kissed her. I slipped the dildo between her legs and teased her sex with it.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
The girl nodded.
I pushed the dildo against her opening and waited for her to exhale the breath she was holding. When at last she did, I pushed into her gently yet quickly enough to have it done in a single motion. She squealed and dug her nails into my back.
Slowly I slid the device in and out of her, trying to build her need for release back up again. She closed her eyes, and with each thrust I could see that she still felt a bit of pain but was clearly building an orgasm within her.
Josette clawed at my bottom, encouraging me deeper and faster. I obliged, pushing as deep inside as the device would go. She tore at my back, and I’ve no doubt she drew blood. She raised up her legs and wrapped them about my waist. I covered her mouth with my own and wrestled with her tongue as our pace grew ever faster until at last she threw her head back and cried out.
I pushed deep, then drew out in a slow stroke before pushing in deeply again. Each time I did, she grunted or gasped.
When at last it was finished, I sat back. There was a spot of blood on one of the pillows and with a smile I held it up for the audience to see. There was a cheer and clapping, and finally Josephine gathered them all and ushered them down to the parlor.
“Well, that was wonderful,” I said to Josette as the room emptied.
The girl gazed up at me, still seeming shy and demure. “What of you, madame?”
“Oh, that does not matter right now. Come, we must mingle with our guests.”
I helped her to her feet, then removed the dildo and left it on the pillows before taking her on my arm and leading her to the parlor.
As soon as I opened the door, Josephine shouted, “Hear, hear! I give you Madame Jordan and her lovely companion Josette!”
There was clapping and they all moved toward us, offering hands for shaking or taking mine and kissing my fingers. And of course I did not let them forget Josette, as thanks to her willingness this had all been.
The following morning the women would leave, but that night they began to find places in the parlor to make love. Their hesitance of the night before seemed altogether gone, and they were more than willing to be seen in the throes of passion.
I took Josette to a sofa in the middle of the room and sat her down. Josephine had my dear Sandra occupied, and I was dying for release. I pulled Josette on top of me as I kissed her and stroked her back with my fingers. We both were nude.
She pushed herself up and looked down at me, a bit unsure. “Madame?”
“Come now, surely you know what to do.”
“Oui.” She kissed my breasts and bit at my nipples. She had done this only once, but seemed to take great care with me. I stroked her head absently as I enjoyed her touch. I ran my hands to her shoulders and back up, letting my mind run free with fantasy.
The feeling of her tongue on my sex washed over me gently, and I closed my eyes. She was timid at first but the longer she was between my thighs the more at ease she seemed.
Her fingers slid up into me and I groaned. She had paid enough attention to know about the flesh behind my pubic bone. As she tapped her fingers against it and lapped at my clitoris I rocked with her.
Josette began sucking hard on my magical knot of flesh while driving her fingers as deep as she could. My orgasm rushed through me. I ground my sex against her hand and tongue.
When the pleasure subsided, I pulled on Josette’s shoulder and we drew close together on the sofa. I kissed the back of her neck. “Thank you.” I whispered.
She tightened her grip on my arms but said nothing.
* * * * *
Josette awoke first and set about preparing for breakfast. When she got up, I awakened and simply lay alone on the sofa staring at the ceiling. I was feeling actual jealousy over Sandra. I would have much preferred to have left Josette to my mistress and taken Sandra instead, but that was not what had happened.
As the other women began to stir, I decided that perhaps I should dress before coming to table. I got up and went to my room where I donned a fine silk dress. I returned to the dining hall finding Josette setting the table. I then went to my parlor. Most of the women were still sleeping. There had been much drink the night before. Some were up and dressing themselves.
Sandra stood and pulled her dress together, then began tying it. She pulled the outermost layer of it on and turned toward the door.
“Sandra,” I called in a loud whisper.
She turned, looking to see who had spoken. When finally she noticed me, I nodded my head and gestured for her to approach.
The maid came and started to kneel before me, but I pulled her onto the sofa. She shied from my eyes and even my touch as I reached out toward her.
“Please, miss,” she said quietly.
“Sandra, stop,” I ordered. My voice was low but my tone was harsher than she had ever heard. “Look at me, girl.” I took her chin in my hand, turning her face to me.
“I have never wanted another as I want you now,” I told her.
She swallowed hard.
“Sandra, even after all the time we’ve been apart, I still ache when I look upon you. I yearn for you.”
“But, miss, please. I am a horrible woman. How can I ever be forgiven for what I’ve done to you? For what I’ve done to them all?”
“Do you not remember? I forgave you before you ever did it,” I said. “That is all you need. Now you must forgive yourself.” I stroked her cheek softly. “You did what you had to do. But I will free you from all of that.”
“Free…” she whispered.
“Yes, free. I want you with me Sandra. I want you to come here and live with me.”
“As your lover?” she said quietly.
“Of course.”
“And if you tire of me?” she asked. “You live a most exciting life. You could have any woman you want. They would all be happy to indulge you. What will I do if I come to seem ordinary?”
“If you stay with me, your life will always be carefree. I will see to you even if we are no longer lovers. You have my word.”
I meant it too. It would not at all be difficult to afford her an allowance.
She seemed to contemplate this.
“Is that what you fear?” I asked.
“Indeed, miss.” She lowered her eyes. “I am not at all what the mistress would have me be. I am very simple. I do not desire such as she, as you.”
“You think I crave that discipline even now? I do not. I like simple. Holding hands, a kiss, lovemaking by moonlight in my own bed. The simple things. Sandra. I want a wife and perhaps someday a child.”
“Even the mistress could not compel me to know a man,” she insisted.
A spark of hope ignited in me. Defiance. Even Sandra, somewhere deep within her, had the ability to defy.
“And I would not try, either. But we need not birth a child ourselves. Many are the children in Paris without mother or father.”
“And if we take one in, then who shall be the father?” she asked me.
“Neither of us.”
“And your parties, miss? Would you use me in your shows?”
“I shall not use you at all,” I assured her. “You’ll not be made to do anything you do not want to do.”
“What of Josette? She is fond of you.”
“As I am of her. But you are the one I want.” I stroked her hair. “Sandra, what do you fear in leaving the mistress?”
“I’ve never been free,” she said quietly. “Since I was a child, there has been my mistress to guide me.”
“Were you ever her student?” I asked.
“Not as you were. She used… different means with me.”
I wondered what Sandra meant.
“Let me guide you now. I’ll show you to your new life, your life as a free woman.”
“I could never be free,” she confessed in tears. “I have so long been her servant, her entertainment, I know nothing else.”
I took the girl’s shoulders in my hands and shook her once to get her attention. “Look at me. You are what you decide you are.”
I could see in her eyes that I was not making any impression on her. It was then that I had a thought.
“Strike a deal with me,” I began. “Stay with me until my next party. If you find you simply cannot free yourself by then, I will send you back with the mistress.”
“Can you be sure she’ll come?”
“I am sure if she knows of our deal, she will come.”
“I can hardly believe she came to this party. She’s never gone to one of Catherine’s that I know of.”
“If I must, I’ll beg her.”
“If you do she would extract a toll,” the maid warned.
“Then I will pay it, happily, if it means I can have you with me even for only a year.” I looked at her for several moments. “Sandra, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”
With tears in her eyes she nodded her head. I breathed a sigh of relief and immediately left her there to find Josephine.
When I did, she was in one of my guest rooms reading a book.
“Mistress?” I said as I opened the door. She finished the passage she was reading and looked up at me.
“Do you think you will ever call me Josephine?”
I shook my head ‘no’, then told her, “I have spoken with Sandra. She has struck a deal that she will stay a year with me. And if she cannot bear to be away from you, she will return with you at my next party.”
Josephine looked surprised. “She agreed to that?”
I nodded.
“I must say I would not have thought she could ever be pried from my hip.” A kind of sadness passed over the woman’s face. “Do you know why I keep her with me no matter where I go?”
I shook my head.
“I adore her. For all the torment I give her, I truly do.”
“Then you’ll not let her stay?”
“I have made a promise to you. If she wanted to be with you, she would be free to do so.”
Josephine set her book down and turned, letting her legs fall over the edge of the bed. “And so, can you imagine how I look on you if I am willing to part with my most treasured servant?”
I simply bowed my head. I thought I might understand what she was trying to tell me. She could not say ‘love’, she could not let anyone see her love. It would present a vulnerability, and she simply could not have that. Of course, I did not fully comprehend the relationships Josephine had with Sandra and with Temperance. Because it was always Sandra at her side, I assumed Sandra was her favorite. I would learn later that my mistress’ affections for her maids were much more complex than such simplistic assumptions could describe..
“Mistress, I don’t know what to say.”
“What would you be willing to do for me in exchange?”
“You need not ask that. You know I would do anything.” I closed the door behind me and approached her, kneeling before her. “I will do anything you ask of me.”
“I believe you would,” she said after a long pause.
For only a moment I thought I saw a tear in her eye. I felt a wash of guilt. I could see that I was taking from her something very precious.
“Sandra has been with me since she was nine. She is my masterpiece. The culmination of a life’s work. I warn you, you must be good to her. Treat her well. To wound her would be to wound me.”
I understood. It was the closest she would ever come to admitting love. And the closest she would ever come to shedding a tear.
“And the price?”
“I will not trade her that way. She may stay with you. I will return in one year, and if she chooses to return with me at that time, you must allow her to.”
“How could I stop her?”
“You cannot free her, Elizabeth. She will be a servant to whomever she is closest to.”
“Then that shall be my life’s work.”
“I like your spirit, child,” Josephine said with a smile. “You believe you can do the impossible…”
She looked around and nodded. “Look at all the impossible things you’ve done since leaving me.”
“And much of it I must credit to you, mistress. What I learned—”
She stopped me. “Yes, but you still had to be the one to do it.”
Josephine placed her hand on my shoulder and smiled, but I could see that there was pain behind her eyes. Her expression became darker. “I own that girl as surely as if I’d bought her from a slave trader. And she hasn’t any will that I have not given her. If you set her free, then truly the student will have become the master.”
That night I let Sandra stay with her mistress. She would be mine for a year, and for that I would allow her the comfort of what she had always known one more time.
When morning came, the last of my guests began to leave. By afternoon all but Josephine had gone. I walked with her from the guest room she had commandeered. When we reached the front door, we found Sandra waiting for us.
The servant had tears in her eyes as she curtsied low before the mistress. Josephine smiled and took the girl in her arms, embracing her. “I’ll be back before you know it,” she reassured. Sandra nodded silently.
I saw Josephine to a carriage, then returned to Sandra. “Not to worry love, you have me now.” She tried to smile but could not.
Sandra was mine now, at least for the next year. I did not know how, but I had to find a way to free her from the years of training she had received from Josephine. Sandra had said she’d been trained, but differently from myself. I wondered what that might mean. Josephine’s tutelage had served to make me stronger, but what she had done with Sandra had made the girl weak.
I took her arm and escorted her to the parlor. Almost as if it were expected, she sat at my feet and laid her head on my knee. As I looked down at her, I realized what a monumental task I had before me.
A year. It was the time Josephine had used to ‘train’ me. If a lifetime of shame and fear and uncertainty heaped upon we women could be undone in a year, then surely a year would be enough to undo what Josephine had done to Sandra. Or, at least begin to.
Continue on to Chapter 14