Juicy Secrets Forbidden Tales of Lesbian Love

by Rachael Yukey

Tuesday, October 10th, 2006 

So far writing in my diary has been an evening thing, but today I’m up really early. I had a scary dream about Mom finding my diary… I don’t even want to THINK about that!

I have over an hour before Mom comes to wake me up, but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep. Might as well get this thing caught up, cause there’s a whole lot to tell. I was writing last night about what happened Sunday. Here’s the rest of it.

Julie and I were on our own in her house, and we decided to check out the dirty novels Lisa had stashed in her and Jason’s bedroom.

I followed Julie up the stairs, tiptoeing even though there was nobody else in the house. It wasn’t just that we were going to look at somebody else’s stuff without asking. That was kind of bad, but the worst thing was us reading about people having sex. I knew EXACTLY what my parents would think of that.

The door to Jason and Lisa’s room was hanging open a little bit, and Julie pushed it the rest of the way. We slipped inside. It’s much smaller than Julie’s room. There’s a queen-sized bed with a nice green comforter that takes up almost half the space. There was also a closet and two dressers. The walls were light blue. Like Julie’s room, it all looked nice and new.

I was getting nervous.“How much trouble will we be in if we get caught in here?”

“None,” said Julie. “I’m allowed to be here. And Lisa never told me I couldn’t read her books. There’s no way anybody is getting up those stairs without making noise, so we won’t get caught. Even if we are, I’ll just say we didn’t know about the sex stuff and I thought it would be okay. I’m allowed to read any of Dad’s books.”

That made sense, so I felt a little less nervous. Lisa’s books were in a small shelf tucked inside the closet. Julie looked through them and brought one out.

“Let’s try this,” she said.

Holy crow, that book sure did have a lot of sex in it! We found the first sexy part before the end of the second page. It described a man and a woman getting naked and having sex in a lot of detail. I didn’t understand all of the words, but I caught the gist. Pretty soon I could feel that warm, tingly feeling creeping over my body. Julie must have felt it too. She was doing the reading and her voice was getting kind of unsteady towards the end. When the scene was over, her cheeks were flushed pink.

“Wow,” she said, slowly shaking her head, then looked up from the page. “Want to see if there’s more?”

I nodded. This was wrong, God was probably looking down at me and wagging his finger, but I didn’t care one little bit what God was thinking about anything right then. I wanted to hear more. Julie thumbed through the book, then flipped back a couple of pages.

“There we go!” she exclaimed. She shoved the book at me, with her thumb pointing to a place on the page. “Right there. It’s your turn.”

I read the first sentence… then stopped. My mouth felt dry and my heart was beating like crazy. It was describing two women kissing on the mouth, and using their tongues like married men and women do. Julie was watching me. I didn’t want her to think I was scared, so I made myself start reading again.

It went on for a long time, getting wilder and wilder. The women were kissing and touching one another all over, taking all their clothes off, and then using their fingers and even their MOUTHS on each other’s private parts. I found my mind drifting as I read, forming pictures like the story was a movie I was watching. First I was one of those ladies, and the other one was Jason’s girlfriend Lisa. That just popped into my head and it kinda freaked me out, but I kept reading. Then I saw myself doing sex with Officer Felter, and then… Lord God please help me…  I was picturing my new best friend Julie, who was sitting right next to me! I forced my mind back to where it was.

Julie was watching me, her mouth hanging open a bit. She was breathing all shuddery and weird, and I realized I was too. The room felt really warm, and I had that damp feeling in my underwear again. I should stop, I thought. I should stop right now. But I didn’t. I read all the way to the end of the chapter.

When I was done, me and Julie just sat there looking at each other. It was like time was frozen. Finally I had to break the silence. “Do you understand what all these words mean?” I asked her.

“Like what words?”

I thumbed back through the chapter. Those images of naked women wanted to pop right back up in my mind, but I forced them down.

“Like this one. Clitoris. Or here… orgasm.  Do you know what those are?”

“No, I don’t. But I know how we can find out.”

Julie stood up, grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. She put the book back on the shelf in the closet, then led me back downstairs, where she sat down at the computer in the living room.

“My computer doesn’t have the internet,” she said. “But Dad’s does!”

That surprised me. “Are… are you allowed to do that?”

“Use the internet? Sure! Dad says if he ever finds porn in the browsing history he’ll put a password on it, but that’s not what we’re looking for. If he asks, we’ll tell him we heard the words and just wanted to find out what they meant. Actually, that’s kind of true, huh?”

We both got giggling. Julie is pretty smart! She typed the word clitoris into the search bar and then we waited. Oh boy, was there lots of stuff! Definitions and pictures and whole websites. The pictures were fascinating. I mean, who knew our privates had this much stuff? Julie was reading aloud from one of the links we clicked.

“The clitoris is stimulated during sex and masturbation to provide pleasurable…”

I cut her off. “Hey! There’s that word you used when I was spending the night. Masturbation! Boy, was I wrong about how to spell it!”

That led to some more searches. What exactly was masturbation, and how did you do it? What about arousal, what’s that? We got a real education, and I was relieved to find out that the wet feeling in my panties (which was getting worse the longer we looked at this stuff) was a normal part of growing up and becoming sexual. Is that happening to me? I wondered. I don’t even have boobs yet!

It took a lot longer than I thought it would. Every search we did led to more questions and more searches. There was one website that suggested looking at your privates with a hand mirror to learn about them and I decided to do that as soon as I could. By then I was pretty sure that I knew what it meant to be aroused because it was happening to me, and I thought it was happening to Julie too.

I was really curious about orgasms. It sounded like the best thing in the world that a person can feel, and the websites we looked at said you could give yourself one by masturbating. I was struggling a little with that.  I was dying to try it but I’d just BET it was a sin.

Eventually, we saw it was getting late and closed the browser. Jason might be getting back any minute, and Julie had promised to start cooking the duck if he was on an ambulance call. We took Benjie for a walk, and when we got back Julie taught me how to prepare a duck for roasting. It’s not as easy as a chicken! But we had fun. We were just sliding it into the oven when Jason showed up.

He came into the kitchen, put an arm around Julie, and kissed the top of her head. He extended an arm to me, and tipped his head a little to the side. I hugged him, and he hugged me back.

“How’s the birdie?” he asked.

“Dead,” Julie replied. She put on a sad face. “We couldn’t save it, Daddy. We did everything we could. It’s resting in peace in the oven.” She cracked up, and I started laughing with her.

Jason snickered. “Do you want me to take over and do the side dishes?” He wanted to know.

Julie looked at me. “Whaddya think? You wanna cook the rest of supper with me, or should we let Old Guy do it and maybe end up with weird mystery food?”

I was getting over being shocked when she said stuff like that, and wanted to get in on the fun. “I think we’d better do it,” I said. “I like eating more when I know what I’m eating!”

“Jesus,” said Jason, rolling his eyes. “Queen Smart Ass, and Smart Ass in Training. Keep talking, you’ll both be cleaning the toilet with a toothbrush after dinner.” He left the kitchen.

Julie and I decided to do turnips and green beans to go with the duck, and after we put the turnips on to boil we wandered out into the living room with a little time to kill. Jason was in the new bathroom doing some kind of work. Julie grabbed an acoustic guitar off the wall and started strumming some chords. She’s not nearly as good as her dad but it was decent. I turned on the keyboard and just kind of made up a melody to go along with it.

After a minute or so Jason poked his head out of the bathroom and said, “Hey, look at that! Maybe monkeys can use tools after all.”

Julie stuck her tongue out at him and kept playing. We kept it up for a few minutes, then went back to check the food.

“How long have you been taking lessons?” she asked.

“Since I was six,” I said.

Julie looked impressed. “I’ve been playing guitar about a year,” she told me. “I’m not always the best about practicing, though. I like playing, and Dad says I have a good ear, but I’m not going to get where I want to be if I don’t work at it more.”

Julie and I finished preparing dinner, and the three of us sat down to eat. The Hansons don’t pray before meals, but it didn’t bother me. Food seems to work just fine whether God blesses it or not. And seriously, does he bless the food of every single Christian family that asks, all the time? How does he have time for anything else? And what’s wrong with me, that I’m having all these weird thoughts about God?

Never mind. The duck came out perfect, and everything was delicious. Jason complimented our cooking, then told us some funny stories about when he used to tour. He’s been to really cool places and seen some amazing stuff. But before he could finish eating, his pager sounded again. Seventy-three-year-old female, history of heart failure, having difficulty breathing. Jason got up, gave us a quick wave, and disappeared.

Julie and I cleared the table and put away the leftovers. We were just finishing that up when Lisa came home. She hugged and kissed both Julie and me, and her kiss was really close to my lips… any closer and it would have been right on my mouth.

I suddenly felt really warm and tingly. That image popped into my head again of Lisa kissing me with her tongue like those ladies in the book, as we took each other’s clothes off and touched each other all over. I pushed it away. What is WRONG with me?

My Dad called just after that to say he’d be picking me up in half an hour. It completely wrecked the good mood I was in… I didn’t want to go home. I flopped down on the couch and pressed my head back against the cushions.

Lisa sat on the arm of the couch and massaged the back of my neck with her fingers. It felt good, but I was still grumpy. Julie looked at me for a little bit without saying anything, then ran upstairs. She came back with the book we were on in our fantasy series, sat down next to me so our legs were touching, and started to read out loud. I closed my eyes and focused all of my attention on the fantasy in the book, so much better than the reality I had at home. Lisa took her hand away from my neck, then I heard her footsteps cross the room. The stairway door opened and closed, and I could hear her going up. I kept my eyes screwed shut as tight as I could.

I could hear Lisa moving around upstairs, right above where I was sitting, then she came back down. I opened my eyes as the stairway door opened, and then wished I’d left them closed. She was holding one of her books, and it was the same one Julie and I had looked at earlier in the day.

“Julie,” she asked, “were you reading this?”

Julie gave me a guilty look, and I shot a dirty one at her. She’d told me there was no WAY we were gonna get caught!

But when I looked back at Lisa, she was smiling. “That was a ‘yes’,” she said, “and you were both looking at it, weren’t you?”

Julie let out a long sigh, while I nodded my head helplessly. I was wondering how much trouble we were in, but Lisa didn’t look mad. Actually, she seemed kind of amused!

“Okay, girls,” she said. “Or maybe I should do like Jason does and call you ladies. You’re not really little girls anymore.”

Lisa crossed the room and sat down next to Julie, turned sideways a little so she was sort of facing us. The book was on her knee. I love the long skirts she wears, this one was powder blue and plaited. She also had a loose-fitting light green pullover shirt on.

“I don’t mind if you read my books,” she said. “You don’t need to be sneaky about it. All I ask is that they go back the same way I had them. This is part of a series, see?” She pointed to a small number on the binding. Julie looked a little sheepish; she was the one who had taken the book out and put it back.

“These books,” Lisa continued, “are… how shall I say it… kind of adult in nature. Sexual. Did that bother either of you? Or…” and she smiled again, “maybe that’s why you were interested in them in the first place.”

Julie blushed deep red, and I’m sure I looked about the same. Lisa’s smile got even bigger. “It’s okay,” she assured us. “There’s nothing wrong with being curious about sex. My aunt had books like this, and I started sneaking them out of her room when I was about your age. But I won’t make you do that. You can read my books anytime you want.” Her eyes met mine. “Both of you.”

“So it’s really okay?” said Julie.

“Sure,” said Lisa. “You don’t have to hide it. Mallory, you can even borrow one of them to take home, if you want. Would you like that?”

My voice was stuck in my throat, so I just nodded. Lisa rose from the couch and went back upstairs, returning a moment later with another book in her hand.

“Try this one,” she said. “It’s a stand-alone novel instead of a series. You can take it home and read it… just remember to bring it back when you’re finished.” She hesitated. “Or do you think your mom and dad will mind you reading books written for adults?”

I could tell by her face that she knew the answer to THAT question. In a sneaky kind of way she was telling me to make sure they didn’t see it. But I don’t think she has to worry, neither of my parents pays any attention at all to what I do anymore. I could probably read it right there in the living room and Mom wouldn’t even notice. Not that I’m dumb enough to do that!

I just gave her a sneaky sort of smile, took the book from her, then went over to the hook by the front door where my winter coat was hanging and stuffed it in a pocket. Mom just got that coat out of storage, and it’s a big bulky thing with huge pockets. My hat and mittens were in the other pocket, so now there was a bulge on both sides. Perfect! And wouldn’t you just know it, Dad picked that moment to pull up out front.

He never got out of the pickup, just honked the horn. Probably he was embarrassed by the whole ugly scene at the church and didn’t want to talk to anybody.

I got my coat on and hugged Lisa, then Julie. Julie and I hugged for a long, long time, holding onto each other really tight until Dad honked again. I let go of Julie and took hold of the doorknob, but before I could turn it Lisa covered my hand with hers and leaned in close.

“You know where we are if you need us,” she said softly. She kissed my cheek, then straightened up.

Feeling a little dazed, I got myself out the door. The wind had really picked up, and it was cold! I almost ran to the pickup.

Dad and I didn’t really talk on the way home. Just kinda said “Hi” to each other and left it at that. Lisa’s book felt really heavy in my coat pocket. Back at Julie’s house I’d felt sure I could get it home without anyone finding out, but now that Dad was just across the seat from me I felt like it could be seen right through my coat. But that was silly, he barely glanced at me the whole way home. I was more worried about Mom. Would she hug me and feel the lump in my pocket? Would she try to take my coat and hang it up for me?

But neither of those things happened. Mom was — you guessed it — watching TV when we got home. As I walked through the entryway and into the living room still wearing my coat she glanced up and said “Hi, sweetheart. I missed you. Don’t forget to hang up your coat.”

“Oh, I’m gonna leave it on till I warm up,” I told her. “It’s really cold out!”

“Okay, sweetie,” she said. Her attention had already gone back to the TV.

I went straight to my room, closed the door and pulled the book out of my pocket. There’s a little compartment up high in my closet that I found when I was five by climbing up onto the shelf… it goes back up into the ceiling and you can’t see it from the floor. Even standing on a chair I can’t actually see it, but I can reach into it. I’m pretty sure Mom doesn’t know it’s there. I’ve hidden all kinds of stuff in there since then and nobody has ever found any of it! Dad grew up in this house, but this wasn’t his room so I don’t think he knows about it either. There sure are advantages to living in a hundred-year-old farmhouse! I’ve been keeping this diary there. I got up on a chair and stuffed the book in there along with it, making sure to listen for footsteps on the stairs the whole time.

I went back downstairs and hung my coat up in the entryway. Mom’s program was ending, so she turned the TV off with the remote and got up as I came back into the living room. She gave me a hug that felt sad and stiff after the ones I’d had at Julie’s house.

“I’m going to bed,” she said in a flat voice. “Make sure you’re in bed on time, you have school tomorrow. I love you.” She turned, walked past Dad as if he wasn’t there and kept going down the hall towards their room. Dad sat down where she’d been and turned the TV back on, flipping through the channels till he found the news.

“I’m taking a bath,” I announced. He didn’t even look my way, just grunted.

I ran upstairs and got my pajamas, then came back down and locked myself in the bathroom. I got naked while my bath was running, then climbed in and lay back, closing my eyes.

Whenever I’m taking a bath and in no hurry to get out, I like to let my imagination wander, and right then, that’s exactly what I was in the mood for. First, I pictured myself in the fantasy universe Julie and I liked to read about, then imagined I was out on the road at some of the crazy gigs Jason had been telling us about. I saw myself as the star, with tens of thousands of people cheering for me. But really, I didn’t need anything that fancy. I just wanted to be anywhere but in this gloomy house.

So where, I wondered, is the best place I could be right now? That was easy, wherever Julie was. Getting hugged by her, and hugging her back. Then I imagined Lisa pulling us both into a giant group hug. Then it became more. We were touching each other all over, taking turns kissing one another on the mouth.

My eyes flew open. Stop it, I told myself. But I didn’t really want to — that tingly feeling was back.

Suddenly I had a thought. I got out of the tub, dripping water all over the floor. I dug around in the top drawer of the cabinet until I found the hand mirror Mom kept in there, then sat back down in the tub and pulled the plug. As the water ran out, I pulled my legs back so my knees were nearly touching my chest. Plucking the mirror from the edge of the tub, I slowly reached down with my free hand, feeling kind of jittery. The only time I ever touched myself there before was when I’m washing in the bath, or wiping after I pee.

I ran my hand across the outside of my – vulva. That’s the word all the websites use. When I did that, I shivered with excitement. I was feeling super-tingly! I worked my fingers down to where it opens, then brought the hand mirror down so I could see. Finally, using my thumb and a finger, I pulled the lips apart.

I took my time, putting my fingers on everything, thinking back to the words me and Julie saw online. The big lips on the outside are the labia majora, so these smaller ones must be the labia minora. Mine are hardly even there! The hole down at the bottom, that’s the vagina. It feels wetter than the rest of it… I don’t think that’s just damp from my bath! It’s more slippery than water. It feels especially good to run my fingers around the outside.

So if I go up a little more… where the heck is my urethra? I think that’s it. Forget about it. Moving along, a little bit higher… a strange fluttery feeling ran through me when I brushed a finger across my clitoris. I sucked in my breath. Once the tingling had stopped, I moved my fingers again, this time pushing down and drawing a little circle. That was nice, but when I touched my clitoris again this HUGE wave went through my body, starting down there and shooting up and out in every direction. I shuddered, and a little whimper escaped my lips.

I jerked my hand away. What on earth was that?!

I got out of there. I dried myself off, used the towel to mop up the water I’d dripped on the floor, then put on my PJs. Dad didn’t even look up from the TV as I passed him in the living room and got myself upstairs as fast as I could.

There was still time before I needed to go to bed, and the main thing I wanted to do was write in my diary about everything that happened that day. But when I got up on the chair and reached into my little hidey-hole, the first thing my hand found wasn’t my diary, but Lisa’s book.

I took them both down. I don’t worry about my parents coming upstairs after I’m in bed, they never do. There’s nothing up here except my bedroom and a storage room where Mom keeps seasonal stuff like winter coats and Christmas decorations.

I got onto my bed, propped a couple of pillows against the headboard and laid back against them. I’ll read a little of the book first, I decided. Just to see what it’s about.

It was a story about two ladies. One of them was in her thirties, made a lot of money, and liked women instead of men… a lesbian. The other was eighteen and really confused about everything. It wasn’t a very good book; I was thinking before the end of the first chapter that the fantasy novels Julie and I read were written a lot better. I started flipping ahead, just to see if anything exciting was going to happen.

It didn’t take long! I found a scene where the two women are alone together. For the younger lady it was her first time ever, and the older one was showing her what to do. My mind started forming pictures. I was the younger woman, and the older lady became Lisa. She was doing all the things the older woman in the story was doing, but in my mind she did them to me. I could almost feel her hands and her mouth caressing me, touching me, tasting me, loving me. My body felt like it was on fire, and my breath was coming in shuddery gasps. Almost by themselves, my hands were running up and down the inside of my thighs, coming almost all the way up to my privates… to my vulva. I’m not sure I like that word.

Thinking back to when I was in the bathtub, I pushed my pajama bottoms and my panties down and off, kicking them onto the carpet. With the book in my left hand, I reached down between my legs with the right. I started to read again, and began stroking my outer lips… my labia. I could feel a little bit of slippery moisture between the lips, especially down close to the bottom. Like before, I started pushing down harder and rubbing in a circle, and after a few seconds that wave hit me again. I gasped, pressed my head back against the pillow, and my butt lifted off the bed without me actually doing it.

This time I didn’t stop… I wanted more. Where has this been all my life? I slid the tip of my middle finger down into the slit. It was really wet and slippery there, and I liked the way it felt. Then I ran my finger around the outside edge of my vagina, and I liked that even better! I was tempted for a second to put my finger inside, but I wasn’t quite that brave. What if it hurt?

My finger was all gooey now, and I moved it up to the little bud of my clitoris. By now I was aching with need and didn’t want to wait — I started rubbing it right away, doing those slow little circles. A few seconds later one of those waves hit me again, stronger than before. I had to suck in my breath to keep from moaning out loud. I usually don’t worry too much about making noise in my room, cause the TV is usually on downstairs if someone’s up, and Mom and Dad’s bedroom is at the opposite end of the house. But this was something I did NOT want to get caught doing!

I kept going, the waves kept coming, and every one of them felt amazing. They were coming faster and harder… and I was rubbing pretty fast and hard, too! My breath was coming in short gasps. Something was rising inside of my body, something big and powerful and heavenly and…

All at once I stopped, horrified. What was I doing? Would God like it? I was pretty sure he wouldn’t.

Pulling the blanket up over my head, I scrunched myself into a ball. The hand I’d been using between my legs was near my face, and suddenly I was breathing in what I smelled like down there. It shocked me to realize that I liked it.

Nothing could keep me from doing what I did then. I brought those sticky, wet fingers right up to my nose and drew in a deep breath. I shivered, feeling a powerful urge to put my hand back down there and finish what I had started. Somehow I resisted. Instead, I prayed. Oh Heavenly Father, please forgive this sinner for what she has done tonight. Take these feelings and thoughts away, please, and I’ll try much harder from now on to obey your commandments and honor your word. In the name of your son, my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, Amen.

I was trembling all over, almost crying. I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped both arms around them. I was naked from the waist down and my light was still on, but I didn’t care. Curled up tight with my head under the blanket, I could smell the juices on my fingers and probably also between my legs, and I didn’t care about that either. I’m not sure how long I lay there like that, but eventually I drifted off to sleep.

On to Chapter Five!