Juicy Secrets Forbidden Tales of Lesbian Love

by Rachael Yukey

Thursday, October 19th, 2006 (evening)

By the time I got on the bus this morning, I was totally freaking out. I was so sure that Julie was wishing yesterday hadn’t happened, and never wanted to even look at me again. The very thought scared me silly, and I couldn’t get it out of my head.

But as it turned out, things were fine. The weather was really nice this morning… still chilly, but that nasty wind finally stopped blowing, and it did get a few degrees warmer. Julie was sitting on one of the benches next to the bike racks, chatting with Cindy Moen. When they saw my bus pull in they both got up and walked over. Julie hugged me tight, and Cindy said “Hi.” I said, “Hi” back, and the three of us headed for the cafeteria. I was able to breathe again.

Cindy’s the police chief’s niece. She’s been hanging with Julie off and on ever since Julie moved to town last year, and joined us for lunch a few times in the past couple of weeks. I thought at first she was just putting up with me because I was with Julie, but now I actually think we might become friends. I always thought I must be really unlikable because nobody talked to me much, but maybe that’s because I tend to hang back and keep to myself. Maybe if I give them a chance to get to know what I’m like, more people will like me. It’s something to think about!

Cindy is pretty but in a different way than Julie. Julie is tall and thin and has that lovely dark hair, but Cindy is shorter and chunkier. I don’t mean fat because she isn’t, but she’s from one of those Norwegian families that were the first settlers up here and have only ever married people from other Norwegian families.

According to my thesaurus, the word I’m looking for is stocky. A lot of people seem to think girls like that aren’t pretty, but I’m not one of them. I love Cindy’s round cheeks and chin, and that silky yellow hair. I’m blonde, but I’m not as blonde as she is. I caught my mind wandering, imagining Cindy and I doing some of the same stuff I did with Julie and Lisa the night before, and had to force my thoughts back to where I was.

School is the most boring place in the world. I know… duh! But seriously, this morning just dragged on forever. I like A.L. a lot more, because they give us interesting stuff to do and also because it’s challenging. The stuff they give us in regular school is either dull as dirt or just plain too easy. It only takes a couple of seconds to figure out the math they give us, then we keep basically doing the same problems over and over! And the books me and Julie read for fun are three or four levels above our reading assignments… but I guess maybe that’s why we’re in A.L., huh? Then there’s stuff like history and civics. I read somewhere that the average adult remembers less than 1% of the history they learn through twelve years of school. So what’s the point? You memorize the stuff, you pass the tests, and you probably don’t remember any of it after a week, because who cares?

The morning seemed to drag on forever and I thought lunch was never going to come, but it did. Cindy and a couple of other girls had lunch with us, so it wasn’t till we went outside for free time that Julie and I were able to be alone. We got away from the playground and walked down by the football field. We’re not really supposed to do that, but nobody pays much attention except when the really little kids are wandering around. They’re trying to get money in the city budget to put a big fence around the playground. It’s to keep us safe, they say. Safe from what? Are they scared one of Joe Christiansen’s donkeys is going to get loose and kick us to death? It’s not like big cities, where they say there’s a ton of scary people running around.

But right now there’s no fence, so we were able to slip away without being seen. I thought Julie would be dying to talk about what we did yesterday, but she had something else on her mind.

“What are you doing this weekend?” she wanted to know.

I thought about that for a moment. “I don’t think anything is happening… except church,” I added, rolling my eyes. “Why? Are we running off to the city to become movie stars or something?”

Julie made a face like she was seriously thinking about it. “Nah,” she finally said, “I’m saving that for my twelfth birthday.”

We both got giggling.

“Here’s the deal,” said Julie. “We have a big family vegetable garden out at my grandma and grandpa’s place. Everything’s been picked except the winter squash, but we’re supposed to get a hard frost sometime next week so that has to come in now too. We’re doing that this Saturday, since the weather’s gonna be nice. But Friday night I’m going out there to spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. I asked Grandma if I can invite a friend and she said sure! Wanna come? It’s a really cool place with lots of stuff to do. We’ll be pretty busy Saturday afternoon but nobody will make you work; you can just hang out if you want. Think your parents will let you?”

“Probably,” I said slowly. “I’m starting to think they don’t care what I do, so long as I stay out of their hair and don’t embarrass them. I’ll ask! I’d love to come.”

“Great!” Julie said. “It’ll be tons of fun. But we’re going right after school tomorrow, so as soon as you get an answer call me, okay?”

I nodded, grinning. I didn’t know what Julie’s grandparents were like, but this sounded like a way better Friday and Saturday than anything happening at home!

There was a long moment of silence. We weren’t really walking at that point; just kinda hanging around by the announcer’s tower. Julie looked like she was thinking about something, and I just kept quiet while she worked it out.

Finally, she said, “I had another one last night after I went to bed.”

“You mean an…”

“Yeah, an orgasm.” She leaned back against the tower wall and looked up at the sky. “It took a long time,” she said finally, “and it wasn’t going well at first. I had to find the right thing to think about, like Lisa said.”

“But you found it,” I said. “Julie, that’s great!”

“Aren’t you going to ask what made it work for me?”

“If you want. I didn’t think it mattered that much.”

She closed her eyes, and her voice sounded like it was coming from far away.“I imagined that it was you touching me,” she said. “That’s what worked. I thought about you doing what you did yesterday for me, and then… us doing more.”

“More?”

“Yeah, more.” She looked down at her feet. “Almost like we were ladies from those sexy books. And instead of just helping me you were… you know…”

I put my arm around her waist and snuggled close. “It’s okay,” I told her. “I’ve had thoughts like that too. And you know…” I stopped. Did I want to go there? Julie was looking at me with those big, beautiful eyes. I had to tell her the truth.

“Yesterday, Julie—I felt like maybe I was doing more than just helping you. I wanted to make you feel good because I… because I love you. I’m feeling… ”

I didn’t have the words. I still don’t. But Julie got the point. She turned to face me, put both arms around me, and we just stood there holding each other.

“I just don’t want it to be weird,” she said. “Because you’re my best friend, and I love you too.” She gave a nervous laugh. Wow, this is all a little scary. Are you still, um, worried about sin?”

“Not like before,” I said. “To tell the truth, I’m getting tired of the whole thing. If I was made by God, why would he give me these, these feelings he says I shouldn’t have… and then expect me to keep them all bottled up? It’s starting to make me mad, just thinking about it. And I don’t even know what the Bible says about masturbating. I’m almost ready to do what Lisa said and ask your dad.”

We both started giggling at that. Breaking off our hug, Julie and I leaned back against the wall. “Lisa’s right about him knowing the Bible really good,” she said. “He used to read a lot when he was on tour because the bus rides were boring, and religion is one of the things he got interested in for awhile. He can tell you about all kinds of religious stuff, not just Christian. If you come with me tomorrow we’ll be going to my house and my grandma will pick us up there. Dad might be off on an ambulance call, but if he’s still there you can ask him anything you want.” Breaking off, she glanced around. “Hey, we’d better start heading back.”

I led the way around the side of the concession stand, then stopped in my tracks. There was a girl leaning against the wall with her legs crossed and her arms folded, right around the corner from where we’d been talking! A girl I know.

Her name is Megan Frost. She’s fifteen, and her mom goes to my church. Megan always used to come with her, but these days she’s only there once in awhile. She’s also in A.L. and rides the bus with us on Wednesdays, but we don’t see much of her because she always goes to the back with the rest of the older kids.

Her real hair color is light brown but she dyes it black and cuts it off a little above her shoulders. She wears a lot of black or dark-colored clothes and a bunch of jewelry that’s got a lot of metal instead of stones. I think it’s what the high school kids call goth. She was always a thin girl, but now it’s hard to tell what she looks like, what with the loose clothes she wears. She has really high cheekbones and dark brown eyes. I don’t think Megan has a lot of friends; mostly I see her by herself.

She was grinning at us. “Interesting conversations you guys have.”

Julie and I looked at each other, then back at her. All I could think was how much trouble we could be in if Megan told anyone what she’d just heard.

“Walk with me,” she said, tilting her head in the direction of the school. “I’m on study hall for the next hour, but if you guys don’t get back soon someone’s gonna notice.”

So we walked. Neither Julie or I could find anything to say. But that was okay, because Megan was doing all the talking.“Yeah, I was listening,” she said. “I’ve been catching this vibe from the two of you for the past few weeks. So when I saw you heading out of the playground today, I figured I’d tag along.”

My mind raced through the conversation we’d just had. Did we say anything about Lisa’s part in what happened yesterday? I was pretty sure we didn’t. We’d mentioned talking to her about masturbating being a sin, but that was different. I knew that Lisa would be in a pickle if anyone found out the whole story.

Finally Julie spoke up. “Are you going to get us in trouble?”

“Why would I want to do that?” Megan said, looking shocked. “I get you guys, you know? I mean, I’m gay. I didn’t figure it out till I was a little older than you, but I’m totally into girls.”

“Who says we’re gay?” I asked, trying to act indignant but probably just sounding scared.

Megan snorted. “Oh, please. So you ‘helped’ her get off yesterday? And you both are having fantasies about doing more than just helping? Maybe you’re into guys too, but don’t tell me you’re completely straight. And not only that, you two are totally into each other… whether you realize it yet or not.”

Julie and I looked at each other guiltily, then back at her. My mouth opened, then closed again. A couple of times. Every word Megan had said was true, and I knew it.

As we carefully slipped around the corner of the school building and back onto the playground, Megan slid in between us and put an arm around each of our shoulders. She’s way taller than me, but not that much more than Julie.

“So you’re busy tomorrow and Saturday,” she said. “Would you two wanna hang out Sunday after church? I have a deal with my mom that I don’t have to go to church all the time, but I’ll come and then we’ll ask your parents if you can come back to my place for a while, Mallory. We’ll tell ‘em it’s something for A.L. My mom works after church so it’ll just be us. Can you get away, Julie?”

Julie just stared at her, but I managed to find my voice. “What is it you want to do?” My mouth was dry.

“Oh, just hang out. Talk. It’s cool to have people around who understand some of the things you feel, and I don’t get much of that around here. And maybe I can help you guys sort out some of the things you’re feeling. I sure didn’t get any help when I figured out that I liked girls. What do you say? Julie?”

“I’m in,” said Julie. “Um, if Mallory can come, I mean. I know my dad will be fine with it.”

They both looked at me. “Okay,” I said. I knew Megan was right; my folks wouldn’t even blink. Megan was from the church, and we’d tell them it was a school thing.

Y’know, I just realized something: fibbing to my folks doesn’t bother me anymore, not even a little bit. I feel like it’s just survival!

That was when the recess monitor blew her whistle. Time to go in.

“See you Sunday!” Megan said.

School seemed to drag even worse after that, which I didn’t think was possible. All I wanted was to go straight home and ask my mom about Julie’s invitation to stay at her grandparents’ place.

As it turned out, Mom didn’t even stop to think about it when I asked; just said, “Yes,” and went back to watching her program. Awesome!

I went into the kitchen, dialed Julie’s house, and got her dad. “Hi, Jason,” I said.

“Hey, Mallory!” he replied. “Did you ask your folks about this weekend yet?”

“I sure did! Mom said it was fine. I’m calling to let Julie know.”

“She’s taking a bath,” he said, “but I’ll tell her. Just come with her to our place after school tomorrow. I’ll be on call for the ambulance, but hopefully I’ll see you before you leave. Bring a change of clothes and whatever else you think you need, and make sure you have stuff you can get dirty in. My mom will come pick you ladies up around four. You’ll stay the night at her place, then Lisa and I will come out Saturday morning. You’ll ride back with us at the end of the day and I’ll drop you off at home. Sound like a plan?”

“Sounds great!” I said. “Thanks, Jason!”

“No sweat,” he assured me, then his voice took a more serious tone. “Hey… you doing okay, kiddo?”

“I’m fine,” I told him. “It’s been pretty quiet here.”

“Good to hear. You know where we are if you need anything, got it?”

I thanked him again before hanging up. Then I ran upstairs and got everything packed for the sleepover before dinner.

After we ate, Mom drove to the church to help set up for something that’s happening there tomorrow morning, which meant I got some time to practice piano. My practicing has been really off and on lately, and I miss it. But Mom watches TV almost all the time now, and the piano is in the living room. Maybe I should ask for a keyboard for Christmas. It’d probably be too much money, though.

Never mind. This weekend is going to be AMAZING!

 

Friday, October 19th, 2006

Today was another super-long day in school. You know how when you’re really excited about something, it takes forever to happen? The whole day was like that. I was hoping to spend some alone time with Julie during free period but it was drizzling outside, so they sent us to the gym instead. But Cindy and a few other girls hung out with us, so that was fun, too.

Later on I passed Megan in the hall, and she winked at me. It gave me that tingly sensation, the one I seem to be getting a heck of a lot these days. I always thought she was pretty, but knowing she’s a lesbian AND that she knows about the things me and Julie have been doing makes her exciting, too. And Sunday we’re gonna be alone with her at her house… wow, just thinking about that makes me feel all hot and crazy inside

After school, Julie and I walked to her house. The sun was out by then and the wind wasn’t blowing, so it was pretty nice. It’s not going to be warm again till spring, but it was the kind of late fall afternoon that is just cool enough to be crisp and refreshing.

Lisa was still at work when we arrived, but Jason was there, doing some kind of work in the new bathroom with the door closed. He called out “Afternoon, ladies,” as we came indoors, which made us giggle. We said “Hi,” and went into the kitchen to get a snack, which we brought into the living room. After a moment I heard water running, then Jason came out.

“That’s it,” he said, rubbing his hands together. “This facility is officially open for business. I still need to add a few final touches, but it’s usable.”

I got up to take a look inside. The walls were teal, the ceiling cream. Since I’d last seen it, Jason had put ceramic tiles on the floor, got all the trim up, and installed a toilet and sink. He’d also added a soap dispenser, toothbrush holder, and towel racks. Whatever work he thought was left to do, I sure couldn’t see it.

“It looks great!” I told him. He ruffled my hair, disappeared into the kitchen, and came back out with a bowl of peanuts and a cup of coffee. He was wearing his blue EMS sweatshirt and his pager.

“Hey Dad,” said Julie, trying maybe a little too hard to sound casual, “Mal and I were wondering about something. Some Bible stuff we thought you might know.”

Jason looked surprised. “You mean there’s something I can tell you girls that Mallory’s parents can’t? Or the pastor, for that matter?”

“Welllll… it’s kind of something that we’d rather not ask them. You know?”

“No, I really don’t,” said Jason with a puzzled shrug.

Julie hesitated a long moment. Oh, Lord, I realized, she’s actually gonna ask. “Do you know anything about what the Bible has to say about sex?” she finally blurted.

Jason snorted. “It says a hell of a lot. I swear, that book has more to say about who gets to sleep with who than it does about every form of murder and assault combined. I hope you have something more specific in mind.”

I was surprised how easygoing he was with Julie asking questions about sex. My dad would have a cow if I did that! But now Julie was starting to look uncomfortable, so I got brave and bailed her out.

“We were trying to find out if it says masturbation is a sin,” I said. The words came out in a rush. My face felt hot, and I knew I must be beet red.

Jason blinked once, shook his head, and then chuckled. “We’d better hope it’s not a sin,” he said. “If it is, pretty much every single human on the planet above the age of thirteen or fourteen is going to hell for sure.” He thought for a moment.

“As near as I was ever able to figure,” he said, “the Christian Bible says nothing directly about masturbation. Some people point to this fellow named Onan… there was a Jewish law that required him to get his brother’s wife pregnant, because his brother died childless. The Bible says that Onan spilled his seed… you know, his semen… on the ground, rather than impregnate her. So God killed him.”

“Wow,” said Julie. “Harsh!”

“And you thought I was an ogre,” Jason said with a laugh. “But that’s how it was during Old Testament times. You did NOT want to get on God’s bad side! But anyway, most Biblical scholars will tell you that it’s really a stretch to interpret that as punishment for masturbation. For one thing, it probably wasn’t even masturbation; it reads more like he pulled out of her right before he ejaculated. Besides, Onan’s real crime was disobeying God’s law and not impregnating his brother’s wife. That is, if you believe that any of it happened at all.” He shot me a quick glance. “Sorry, Mallory… I’m not trying to impugn your beliefs.”

“It’s okay,” I assured him. “I kind of wonder about it myself sometimes. So you don’t think it says masturbation is bad?”

“It depends on who you ask. The Catholics will tell you that masturbation is exactly what God slew Onan over; they call it onanism. Others will tell you the Bible says nothing at all about it so it’s fine. But those people are ignoring the elephant in the room, which is lust.”

“What do you mean?” asked Julie.

“Well, to lust after someone is to desire them sexually. Kinda like Lisa lusts after me, even though I’m just with her for her cooking.” We all laughed.

“Obviously we can’t entirely control who we want to have sex with,” Jason went on, “but according to Christian theology to dwell on it and let those thoughts linger… well, that’s lust, and it’s definitely sin. The only place it’s permitted is within the confines of marriage. And what goes along with masturbation? Fantasy. Fantasy that usually involves another person. That would definitely fall under the category of lust. So the argument there is that masturbation is a sin on that basis. From a Biblical standpoint, it’s a damn hard argument to refute.”

I spent a minute piecing all of that together, and my throat tightened a little as I realized it didn’t add up to something I wanted to hear.

“Do you think it’s bad, then?” I asked.

“Masturbation or lust or both?”

“Both.”

“If either is bad I was hopelessly damned once I hit puberty, kiddo. Most people would be. Lust is the human condition. Why do you think there are so many unwanted babies in the world? The human sex drive is insanely powerful. And at the end of the day lust is just something that exists in your head. Thoughts don’t hurt anybody. They’re harmless. So no, I don’t think lust is bad. I dn’t think any thoughts are bad. It’s whether you act on them or not.”

“But masturbating is an action,” said Julie.

“An action that hurts nobody,” he replied. “It feels good and does zero harm – a hell of a lot less harm than sex does, sometimes. I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all with masturbation. Hell, I don’t see anything wrong with any kind of sex between consenting partners. But understand this.” He looked at Julie, then me.

“The thing you have to understand here is that I’m not a Christian,” he said. “What I think might not be as important to you as what the Bible says. And on the subject of sex, the Bible is fairly rigid. Lisa and I are in a relationship that runs directly contrary to Biblical teachings, although it’s a teaching more and more Christians seem to be ignoring these days.”

Even at my age, I knew he had a point there. Lots of people in my church have been divorced, and the Bible says that’s wrong. Lots of people who aren’t married are living together, too.

“Do you think lots of Christians masturbate?” I asked.

“I think almost everybody does. Like I said, the human sex drive is one hell of a powerful thing, and most people can’t resist the urge to do something about it. So what’s somebody who’s waiting for marriage before they have sex likely to do? I’d guess most Christians probably take care of themselves, then feel guilty in private. It’s a rule that’s all but impossible to follow. We…”

Julie suddenly sat up straight. “Grandma’s here!” she announced, putting an end to the conversation.

I looked out the front window, and sure enough, a blue Suburban had pulled up in front of the house. A woman was getting out of the driver’s seat. Julie’s dog Benjie jumped up and put his paws on the window, his tongue hanging out.

“Down, boy,” said Jason in a mild tone. Benjie got down, trotted over to Jason, and sat down at his feet. Julie went to the door and opened it as her grandmother reached the porch.

“Hi, Grandma!” she cried, and raced into the woman’s arms.

Julie’s grandma isn’t much taller than Julie. She’s mostly slender but with wide hips, and I guess is in her fifties. Her hair has heavy streaks of gray, but there’s still some dark brown there. She was wearing jeans and a heavy coat.

“Hi, honey,” she said, hugging Julie tight. Jason was crossing the room. I got up and followed.

The woman let go of Julie, and Jason put an arm around her. “Hey there, Mom,” he said. She squeezed him back, then turned to look at me.

“Grandma, this is Mallory,” declared Julie.

“Hi, Mallory,” said Julie’s grandma. “You can call me Helen. How are you?”

“Very well, how are you?” I said. Church manners come automatically to me whenever I meet grownups.

“You’re too polite to be hanging around this house, young lady!” Helen said with a laugh. “Are you two ready to go? I don’t want to stick around too long; I left Grandpa to watch the food.”

Julie put on a fake-terrified look.“Get your stuff fast, Mal,” she said, “or there won’t be anything edible on the table tonight!”

We got our coats on and grabbed our bags. Jason hugged and kissed us both. “Have fun, ladies,” he said.

Piling into the Suburban, we settled in for the ride. Jason waved from the porch as Helen backed out of the drive, then we were on our way.

Okay, I stayed up longer than I meant to because there was so much to tell, and I still didn’t finish! Julie’s asleep, and I’m writing this in the bathroom at her grandparents house. I’ll have to do the rest later.

On to Chapter Eight!