Juicy Secrets Forbidden Tales of Lesbian Love

 

A brief summary of what has transpired thus far. (To get a more detailed breakdown of the earlier chapters, please see Pages From a Diary Chapter Links )

Eleven-year-old Mallory is a bright but lonely girl with strict fundamentalist Christian parents whose marriage is going through a rough patch. One day, Mal gets acquainted with a girl named Julie, who lives with her father Jason and his girlfriend Lisa. Soon, the girls become fast friends, and before very long, more than friends. Mallory has a difficult time reconciling her emerging sexuality with her faith, but soon finds her desire for Julie and her interest in sex getting the upper hand, especially once she learns to masturbate.

Meanwhile, her parents’ relationship is really beginning to founder Mallory finds herself increasingly disgusted with them both, but doesn’t let it show. By then, she and Julie are beginning to experiment sexually, but don’t really know what they’re doing. Julie’s dad’s girlfriend Lisa finds out about their curiosity and offers advice, then the girls persuade her to undress and join them in bed. Mal and Julie have full-on sex for the first time, then Lisa gets involved. 

Soon thereafter, Mallory and Julie are confronted by a fifteen-year-old girl from their school named Megan, who tells them she recognizes their feelings for each other, admits to being gay herself, and invites them to drop by her place a few days later. Megan only wants to hang out and chat, but Mallory casually takes charge of the situation, and soon the three of them are naked and having sex.

Mallory’s mother Sharon is spending more and more nights away from the home, supposedly staying with her own mother. So she isn’t there when Mal’s father Dan collapses and nearly dies from alcohol poisoning. Only Mallory’s quick thinking and immediate response saves his life. Once Dan is taken to the hospital, Mal learns that her mom isn’t really at Grandma’s house, but out with another man.

Not long after her father is released from the hospital, Mallory is taken out on a shopping trip by her mother. During the lengthy drive, Sharon explains her side of the story, treating her daughter more like an adult than she ever has before. Mal finds herself feeling sympathetic… but then she’s startled to catch herself having sexual thoughts about her mother, and gets flustered and confused. Those thoughts won’t go away, either.

A few days later, Mallory and Julie spend an afternoon with Lisa, where they enjoy a lengthy round of sexual abandon. Afterwards, Mal gets an inspired notion: since their friend Megan has guessed that the girls are fucking Lisa, why not invite her over to make their threesome a quartet? Lisa is hesitant at first, but doesn’t take much persuading. Mal phones Megan, and plans are laid for the four of them to hook up the next day. They do, and much fun is had.

In the meantime, Mal’s mother Sharon gets a job at a senior center, and she is making plans to go back to school. Needless to say, Mal’s father is most unhappy with this development. On the other hand, Mallory is quite pleased for her mom, and takes the opportunity to get in her lap and give her playful, but subtly flirtatious kisses. Sharon soon excuses herself to take a bath, but Mal feels certain that she’s also masturbating. More then ever, Mal suspects that her mother is secretly gay.

And now we rejoin our story, which is currently in progress. Do enjoy!

 

by Rachael Yukey

 

November 19th, 2006

I know… it’s been a whole week since I wrote anything. Gimme a break—I’ve been super-busy! Besides, I’m not feeling the urge to write as much as I used to. I’ve been thinking about that, and what I realized is that I started the diary to fill a hole in my life. But I’m happier now, and the hole isn’t as big. I hope that makes sense.

I actually re-read the whole thing over the past few days. I think I’m a much better writer than when I started. Thank you, thesaurus!

So what’s been going on for the past week? Well, I’ve been playing a LOT of piano, as much as I can find time for. Ever since I saw the video with Jason playing his gig, the idea of being in one of those student bands is consuming my mind. Plus, my piano teacher  says that I’m getting close to playing a real piece, not one of the simplified student versions. She played me the piece she has in mind, by a guy named Chopin (that’s not how it’s pronounced at all, by the way), and I thought it was beautiful. I really want to play it.

My art teacher approved the new idea I had for my line drawings, with the damaged and destroyed buildings. She even had a word for the style I was going for: steampunk. She thinks they’re the perfect choice for the medium. I’m perfecting what I want to do, and next week I’ll probably start sketching them onto the mushrooms. It actually won’t take long; I can do a line drawing really quick. But I have to be sure of what I want, because I won’t be able to erase on the mushrooms. (I tried to do it on one of them, and it didn’t work at all.) That means I have to get it right the first time.

Mom and Dad are barely speaking. Mom worked at the senior center four days this week. She says it won’t usually be that much, but right now they’re teaching her how to do the job. She didn’t work on Wednesday, because she drove to Mills to meet with a counselor and talk about career options. She’s thinking about IT, which I guess is what makes the internet work. It’s kind of funny to think about that, because my mom knows nothing about computers. But she thinks it sounds really interesting, and you can get a certificate with a two-year program. Even better, she can do it in person if she wants, because they have a course in Wadena and it’s only about twenty miles away.

Honestly, Mom is like a different person all of a sudden. She baked cookies this week, actually played a game with me Wednesday night, and the only time the TV has been on is when I’ve watched cartoons. Mom’s been too busy reading books about computers to watch her shows. Has she been a lousy mom because she was unhappy? Is that all it was? I really think it’s true: if you don’t have what you need, you don’t have anything to give anyone else.

Yesterday Julie and I went to Cindy Moen’s twelfth birthday party. It was fun! Cindy says she wants to be a cop like her uncle Jeff, so it was a police-themed party. Julie and I saw Megan before we went, and she laughed, saying it got her thinking about kinky cop parties. We didn’t get it, so she showed us some pictures on the internet of women wearing really sexy police costumes. I pointed out that Cindy’s party (sadly!) wouldn’t be like that, and we had a good laugh.

It was a sleepover party, but that part wasn’t as big. There were like ten girls at the main party, but only four of us stayed for the sleepover. It was me, Julie, Cindy, and Emma Fronning. Things got interesting when Emma brought up that Julie and I had been seen a lot with Megan Frost. I remember thinking that we should have known it would attract attention, because Megan is so much older. By that time, we were all sitting on Cindy’s bed in our nightgowns.

“She’s nice,” said Julie. “We like her a lot.”

“Maybe,” said Emma, sounding dubious. “But I heard she’s into some freaky stuff. Like, she gets it on with girls instead of boys.”

Emma and Cindy broke into a fit of giggles at the mention of getting it on, but it tapered off after a few seconds when Julie and I didn’t join it.

“So what?” said Julie. “She’s still nice. I don’t care who she gets it on with.”

“Me either,” I said.

“You don’t think it’s weird that she’s into girls?” asked Emma.

I was kind of annoyed at first, then I realized something. Emma didn’t sound judgemental. At all. She almost seemed… interested! I wondered if Julie picked up on that. I kinda hoped so; she’s better with words than I am.

“Doesn’t bother me at all,” said Julie. I glanced at her, and saw a sweet little smile on her face. She’d picked up on it, all right! “Does it bother you, Emma?” she asked. She asked it in a low, kind of sexy tone.

Emma flushed red, and looked down at her hands, which were twisting in her lap. “No,” she said. “I guess not really.”

Cindy spoke up unexpectedly. “I don’t think you get to pick who you love, do you?”

“Or who you want to have sex with,” I blurted, and immediately shut up. This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to talk, ever!

Cindy and Emma were staring at me, open-mouthed. Julie smiled at me, but gave me a little eye-roll to go along with it.

“Whoa, someone has a dirty mind!” Cindy exclaimed. Then all four of us were laughing, and it was okay.

Julie was smart enough to see the opening and zip through it. “Don’t you ever think about that stuff?” she asked, looking at Cindy.

Cindy colored. Her complexion is really pale, and it’s pretty spectacular when she blushes. “Do you?” she shot back.

“All the time,” said Julie, looking right back into Cindy’s eyes. “And I mostly think about girls. If that bothers you, Cindy, I guess I can go home.”

I was glowing with pride in Julie, owning who she was like that.

“No, that’s okay,” said Cindy. “Like I said, you can’t pick who you love.” she giggled. “Or who you want to, um, get it on with,” she said, and we all got giggling.

Then it got quiet. “I think about that stuff a lot,” Emma said suddenly. We all looked at her. She looked away from us suddenly, embarrassed.

“Who doesn’t?” I said, hoping it would make her feel comfortable.

“Well, I try not to,” said Cindy. “It makes me feel kind of funny if I think about it long enough. Know what I mean?”

Julie and I shared a look. I was trying to suppress a grin, and she looked like she was doing the same thing.

“The funny feeling is the whole point,” said Julie. “You’re just getting turned on. That’s okay. Only problem is, what do you do about it?”

Cindy made a face. “I think we’re kinda young to… just go and have sex, you know?”

Now I was really having to hold back a grin. A lot she knew! I thought for a few seconds, then decided to be bold.

“You don’t have to have sex to do something about it,” I ventured.

Cindy stared at me. “You’re talking about… playing with yourself. Right?”

Julie shrugged. “What’s wrong with that? I say if it feels good, do it!”

“I’ve thought about doing it,” Emma piped up unexpectedly. She’s adorable, by the way. Almost as short as me, with brown hair and a cute little button nose. “But I’m afraid I’d be committing a sin or something if I tried it. Anyway…” she blushed… “I don’t really know how.”

“I used to think stuff like that was a sin,” I said. “I don’t believe that anymore.”

The atmosphere was different now. Our voices had grown low and intense. The air was thick with sex. I was turned on, I knew Julie was, and I bet Cindy and Emma were, too. And after that last statement, they were both staring at me.

“I thought you were the good little church girl,” said Emma. Her voice was husky.

“I’m the girl who gets dragged to church,” I countered, staring straight back into her eyes.

Emma nodded, obviously re-considering what she thought she knew about me. “So,” she said, speaking slowly, “do you… ummm… you know…”

“Masturbate?” said Julie. We all got giggling again, but it tapered off pretty fast.

“All the time,” I replied.

“I tried it once,” Cindy put in suddenly. “It felt kind of nice, but it wasn’t like… well, you know those movies grownups watch where people have sex and it feels so good they’re screaming? It wasn’t like that.”

“You just need to learn how,” said Julie. “I didn’t come the first few times, either.”

“You mean… have an orgasm?” ventured Cindy.

“Right!” said Julie.

“Is it really as good as all that?” Emma asked.

“Better!” I proclaimed. I caught Cindy’s eye, then Emma’s, until both of their eyes were on me. I was in that place of power again, ready to make something happen.

“I think you two need a lesson,” I said. I caught Julie’s eyes widening slightly, and I knew she was worried I was pushing too far, too fast. But I’ve learned to go with my intuition when it comes to sex. It hasn’t been wrong yet.

“You want to teach us?!” Emma’s voice quavered.

I stared straight into her eyes. “I’m turned on,” I said. “Aren’t you?”

Lips a little apart, she nodded slowly. “If you mean that funny feeling I get when I think about sex, then yeah.”

“Is your pussy wet?” I pressed.

Her jaw dropped… then she nodded. “I… I think so. It gets that way if I think about it long enough. I can’t BELIEVE you asked me that, though.”

I looked at Cindy. “How about you?” I already knew the answer. Cindy’s color was high, her breathing shallow.

“Yeah,” she said in a breathy voice. “I can feel it in my underwear.”

“So what do we do?” asked Emma.

Triumph surged through me. Julie was grinning.

“First things first,” I said, “are we going to get interrupted?”

“Naw,” said Cindy. “Mom and Dad are in the home theater room in the basement. They’ll stay in there way after the movie’s over.” She lowered her voice conspiratorially. “I think they have sex after they watch their movies. Right there in the movie room!”

This produced another round of giggles, and then we all got quiet.

“We should all get naked, then,” I said softly. “Then I can really show you what to do.”

Emma cocked her head to one side, shrugged, and then slipped her nightgown over her head and off. The rest of us followed suit, until we were all just sitting on the bed in our panties. Julie and I were reclining against the wall, Emma and Cindy against the headboard. Slowly, trying to be as seductive as possible, I lifted my butt, pushed my panties down to my ankles, and then off. Julie took hers off, too.

I looked over at Cindy and Emma. They were just sitting there kind of frozen, staring at our girl parts. Cindy tore her eyes away, looking off into the center of the room. “I’m s-sorry,” she stammered. “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay to look,” said Julie. Cindy didn’t need to be told twice! I reached down and opened my slippery lower lips with a thumb and pointer finger. Julie followed my lead. I took in a long, deep breath. No mistaking it; the room smelled of wet, excited pussy.

“Do you girls know all the parts?” I asked. Emma shook her head, and Cindy just shrugged.

I walked them through it, just like Lisa had done for Julie and me. Outer labia, inner labia, vagina, clitoris. I told them all the sexy names along with the correct ones. Julie pointed out the same parts of herself that I was referring to. I noticed that Emma was watching my finger closely as it pointed to the different parts of my cunt, while Cindy was paying more attention to Julie.

I knew what I wanted to do next, but hesitated, worrying that it was maybe too bold. Closing my eyes for a moment, I listened to that little inner voice that hasn’t steered me wrong so far.

I opened my eyes. “Cindy, Emma,” I said. “Would you like us to help you come?” I glanced at Julie, whose eyebrows were buried in her hairline. But she held her silence, trusting in my instincts.

Their eyes widened. They looked at each other, then back at us. Emma nodded. “I would,” she said, her voice cracking. Cindy quickly nodded.

I patted the empty space on the mattress to my right. “Emma,” I said, “why don’t you take your panties off, then come sit by me.” Emma hesitantly removed her last bit of clothing, then got to her knees, shuffled over, and sank down next to me. I was very aware of the warmth of her body against mine.

“Cindy?” I said, indicating the spot to Julie’s left. Cindy slipped out of her panties, then scooted into position.

I placed a fingertip on Emma’s knee, drawing it up higher, moving to the inside of her thigh as I went. She shuddered, inhaling sharply through her teeth. I heard a whimper from my left, and glanced over. Julie was lightly caressing Cindy’s belly.

I stopped just short of Emma’s smooth pussy. “Nobody has to do anything they don’t want,” I said. “All you have to do is say stop, and we’ll stop. I’m going to touch your pussy now, Emma.”

She nodded, her moist lips parted. I let my hand travel that last inch, a thrill of excitement coursing through me as my fingers swept across Emma’s outer lips, detecting a trace of moisture where they came together. I slipped a finger between her labia, tracing around the entrance, and she was REALLY wet there.

“Emma’s pussy is really juicy,” I said, my voice thick with excitement. “Is Cindy wet, Julie?”

“I don’t know yet,” said Julie. “Can I find out, Cindy?”

Cindy just nodded, her breathing ragged. I saw Julie’s hand slide down until Cindy let out a little squeal.

“Super-duper wet!” Julie exclaimed.

“Are you wet, Julie?” I asked.

“Do you even need to ask?” was her reply.

Reaching over with my free hand, I slid a finger right into Julie’s folds. I went straight for her clit, and she exclaimed, “Oh, yeah!” Seconds later her hand was between my legs, and I reacted in the same way. Meanwhile, I started a slow circle over the hard nub of Emma’s clit.

“Oh, wow,” she said, pressing herself against my fingers. “Oh, gosh… Ohhh! I’ve… I’ve really been missing out!”

“Y… y… yeah,” was all Cindy managed to get out. Her mouth hung slack, and sweat was beading on her forehead.

Emma moaned, and I moaned right along with her as a powerful wave of pleasure struck me. Julie laid her head against the wall and let out a low cry.

It doesn’t get much better than this, I thought. My fingers were stroking two wet pussies and my girlfriend Julie’s hand was driving me to ecstasy. I slipped a finger downward and into Julie, pressing my palm against her clit and grinding down.

I could feel my orgasm building. Then I remembered what Lisa had done with Megan, holding back her own climax so they could come together.

“Get off my clit for a little while and just finger-fuck me,” I whispered in Julie’s ear. She nodded, unable to speak, and left my clit behind, her finger slipping deliciously into me and moving in and out. She drove herself hard against my hand as her own pussy convulsed. I withdrew my hand before she came, lightly caressing her thighs with my moist fingers.

Suddenly Cindy was raving “Oh, gosh. Oh, wow. OHHHHHH!” she cried as her butt bounced up and down. We were all staring at her, but I made sure to keep rubbing Emma’s clit. Suddenly she wrapped both arms around me and squeezed so hard, it took my breath away. Her mouth was pressing against my shoulder, the hot panting breath on my skin. Her hips were gyrating frantically.

“Now, Julie,” I gasped. Julie left her finger inside of me, pumping furiously, while moving her thumb to my clit. My orgasm hit as Emma’s body went rigid, and I muffled a scream with my shoulder.

Afterwards we all just lay there against the wall, gasping for breath. Emma found her voice first. “I never thought anything could feel that good.”

Cindy raised her head. “Me either,” she said, then gave me a probing look. “But this isn’t a new thing for you two, is it? I mean, doing stuff together.”

Julie and I shared a glance. “Can you guys keep a secret?” Julie asked.

Emma snickered. “I think we don’t have much of a choice, not after this.”

“We’re girlfriends,” said Julie. “We’re keeping it to ourselves for now because we know how people will take it, but we’re in love. We do all kinds of sex stuff together.”

“We have a deal,” I added. “An agreement, I mean. It’s okay to do things with other people if we’re both there. We don’t do it separately.”

“Whoa, that’s wild,” said Emma. “Is that what the deal is with Megan Frost?”

“We’re not gonna talk about that,” I said firmly. “Just like we won’t tell anyone about what just happened here. Oh, and Cindy?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy birthday!”

***

The next morning, Emma seemed totally relaxed, like nothing had happened… or at least like it wasn’t a big deal. Cindy seemed a little awkward and nervous at first, but once she saw the rest of us acting like everything was cool, she eased up. As Cindy’s mom was setting the table for breakfast, she asked if we’d done anything fun after bedtime.

Cindy blushed, but Julie came to the rescue. “Oh, you know,” she said. “Just girl stuff.”

Cindy’s mom rolled her eyes, but didn’t ask any more questions.

 

December 2, 2006

It’s official: Mom is going to study IT at the tech college in Wadena. It’s a two-year course, and when you finish you’re ready to test for your Cisco certification. I don’t know what that means, except that if you have that certification, you can get a really good job right away. She’s super-excited! Mom’s already bought the textbooks and is busy reading them. Dad isn’t making any secret of how he feels about it, but Mom’s acting like she either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

Jason came home on Wednesday. Thursday was Thanksgiving, but all my family does is eat a big lunch, then we go off and do our own thing. I’d told Julie that, and apparently she got to thinking about it, because I got a call around four, asking if I wanted to come over for turkey sandwiches and pie, then sleep over. Yes, please!

We were all lounging in the living room, eating turkey sandwiches with mustard and mayonnaise, and I was talking about Mom’s school plans, when Jason dropped a bombshell.

“She’s not the only one who’s going to school,” he said. All eyes turned to him.

“Tri-county Ambulance is offering to put people through paramedic school, all expenses paid, in exchange for a three-year contract to work there full-time. It’s a 13-month program, and FM in Fargo starts their next cohort in February. They’re doing a satellite program in Wadena, so I don’t even have to go very far for classes.”

Lisa was staring at him, open-mouthed. Finally she found her voice. “I… you’ve brought this up before,” she said, “but when exactly did you make a decision?” She sounded a bit miffed.

Jason sighed heavily. “I got to thinking about it on the road. You know why I really took the gig? Because we can use the money. What I made in the past two weeks will put a new roof on the house. Among other things.”

“But Jason, we’re doing fine,” Lisa protested.

“For now,” he agreed. “But here’s the truth, Lisa. I came to Dickson with wildly unrealistic expectations, and the teaching business is never really going to take off. It’s not like it was back in the Twin Cities. I’m charging half what professional instruction ought to be worth, and I can’t even fill up two nights a week. Nobody out here has anything to pay you with.”

He took a sip of whatever it was he had in his glass. “Right now,” he went on, “we’re subsisting on my quarterly royalty checks. Which is great while it lasts, while I’ve got a few songs that were recently recorded by big-name artists. But I’m no Dr. Luke, and I haven’t sold a song in over a year. This situation has a shelf life. You know it, and I know it. So I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. But it was this morning that made up my mind.”

Julie and I looked at each other. This was coming out of thin air for us. “What happened this morning?” Julie asked.

Jason looked at Lisa. “Maybe this isn’t the best time for that.”

Lisa gave her head a sharp little shake. “They might as well know, Jason. Listen, girls. We’d appreciate it if this didn’t get broadcast just yet. But I took a pregnancy test this morning, and it came up positive. We’re going to have a baby.”

Julie’s mouth was hanging open, and I realized mine was, too. “Holy crow,” I exclaimed. “Were you planning to have one, or did it just happen?” Then I clapped a hand over my mouth. Good old Mallory, always blurting out the wrong thing at the wrong time. Fortunately, they didn’t seem to mind. Jason chuckled, and Lisa tittered into her hand.

“I stopped taking my birth control around the end of September,” she said. “And I just skipped a period, so we figured it’d be a good idea to check. Sure enough, there’s a little human in here.” She placed a hand over her belly. It was a protective, almost reverent gesture.

Julie squealed, almost taking my ear off. “I’m going to be a big sister!” she hooted.

Lisa smiled. “Yes, you are.”

“Anyway,” said Jason, “that’s what decided me. We have to think about the long-term future. I haven’t been an EMT for very long, but I feel like I’m already pretty good at it. This is something I can kick ass at and have a sustainable career. I’ll still write songs, but then we won’t be screwed if we go a long time between having one recorded.”

“I have more faith than that,” said Lisa softly. “You’re a great songwriter.”

Jason chuckled. “I like to think that’s true, but I also have friends that I think are good songwriters. Some of them are working at McDonald’s. It takes not only writing acumen, but the ability to turn out the right saleable product at the right time. The truth is, I’ve been lucky to get as far as I have. I can’t bank our future on continuing to be lucky. And… well, there’s more.”

He took another drink, looking a bit embarrassed. “I go on these ambulance calls without a paramedic because we don’t have them out here, and then we get a medic to intercept with us on critical calls, and I get to watch some of what they do. I want to be that guy. This is the first thing I’ve ever come across outside of music that I really want  to do. And I know I can do it.”

Lisa was nodding slowly. “Then I’m proud of you, and I stand behind you. I suppose the next year is going to be a pretty busy one, though.”

Jason nodded. “Yes, it is. One point in our favor: I’m still getting enough in royalties that I can just let the teaching gig go. I’ll still do the student bands this spring, and keep teaching the kids that are in them, but I won’t take any new students. After spring, we’ll see how swamped I am. That’s when clinicals start up, and I’ll be running my ass off for a few months.”

He turned his eyes to Julie. “What do you think, kiddo?”

“I think it sounds great, Dad,” she said. “It’s really cool that you want to get a job helping people.”

“Way cool,” I agreed. Julie and I were sitting side-by-side on the love seat, and she put an arm around me. I snuggled up, laying my head on her shoulder.

Jason grinned. “The way you two are always hanging onto each other, I’m going to start calling you the Snuggle Sisters,” he said. I only let a small smile escape, but inside I was giggling madly. He doesn’t know the half of it!

 

December 10th, 2006

Dad didn’t quite get the harvest done before the snow flew. It came late, but because of the late-fall rain, he was already behind. I’ve seen him combine with a little bit of snow on the ground before, but the first snow this year was an overnight seven-inch blizzard. Oh, well. I think he’s almost out of storage space, anyway, and he doesn’t want to sell until prices go up.

He’s still avoiding the house. He has been, ever since Mom started work. When I brought up the whole subject of joining one of Jason’s student bands next month, Mom said I should do it, and when we brought it up to Dad at dinner he just grunted and shrugged. It’s great that I’m getting to do what I want now, but the house just feels like a bomb that’s about to explode. I don’t see how this situation can go on for much longer.

I’m pretty sure Mom’s a lesbian and doesn’t know it… or she does know, and won’t admit it to herself. I tried playing those kissing games again with her the other night, this time spending more time on her neck and getting really close to her mouth. And surprise: she decided to take another bath right after. I know it was wrong, but this time I just couldn’t resist listening at the door. I heard irregular breaths, starting out slow and then coming really fast and furious. Just before they subsided, I could hear water splashing.

I ran right up to my room, leaned back against the door and shoved a hand down the front of my pants. When I came, I went down on my knees.

I’m really thinking a lot about getting Mom into bed. I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not, but I’m getting a little obsessed with it. Trouble is, I know this isn’t going to be anywhere near as easy as seducing my friends, or any of the other sexy hijinks Julie and I have got up to over the past couple of months. More than that, I’ve gone about as far as I can go with Mom without breaking my promise to Julie, and I’ll never do that. I need to talk to her about this, and soon.

Speaking of my friends! Julie, Emma, Cindy and I have become a tight little group. At school, we’re always together. Julie’s twelfth birthday was last Wednesday, and yesterday (that’s Saturday) we had her party, then had Cindy and Emma for a sleepover. Even better: Jason left shortly after the party. He spent the night with his parents so he could be up early to go deer hunting on their land.

Cindy and Emma were a little nervous about doing stuff with Lisa’s bedroom right next door, but we assured them that she wouldn’t hear a thing. We didn’t tell them the real truth, that she’d be listening in and getting herself off!

Once the door was closed, Cindy asked if Julie and I ever kissed on the mouth, like real girlfriends. So of course we had to show them, and then we ended up teaching them to kiss! Then we got down to the real fun. Like before, it was just hands, but this time with lots of kissing.

Afterwards Emma said she thinks she might be a lesbian, because she only thinks about girls when she touches herself. Cindy, on the other hand, said she still likes boys, and still wants to get married and have kids. But, she said, being with girls is fun, and she wants to keep doing it. I guess that makes her bisexual.

I’m at home by myself right now. It’s about three in the afternoon. Dad drove me home from church, then stomped off to his shop. Mom is at her job, helping with some event at the senior center. I’m in a weird place. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, but I feel really uncertain about the future.

I’m starting to believe that Mom and Dad won’t be married by this time next year, and that’s a scary thought for a kid my age. Things are also changing at Julie’s house, with Lisa having a baby and Jason going to paramedic school. And I’m coming to terms with the hard, cold truth that I’ve lost my faith. I don’t believe in God anymore. Sometimes that doesn’t bother me, sometimes it’s all I can think about.

But everything is going to be okay. If there’s one thing I feel secure about, it’s that Julie loves me, and I love her. For now, it’s enough.

On to Chapter Twenty!