A brief summary of what has transpired thus far: Holly, an experienced lesbian at age thirteen, is vacationing with her mum on an ocean liner, the Jade Princess. The trip is boring at first, but quickly livens up when Holly gets acquainted with two gay crew members – Anna, a barmaid, and Julie, a cashier in one of the ship’s gift shops — as well as a girl her own age: shy, geeky Jessica. Holly flirts with or fucks all three at various points, with the promise of more to come. Suddenly, what promised to be a dull vacation has become a most enjoyable experience.
The story resumes here. Do enjoy.
by kinkys_sis
Chapter Two: Pirate Attack
Anna and Julie were now my lovers and good friends, but I never had the opportunity to get anything going with Jessica. It wasn’t her fault. It was simply that her parents kept a sharp eye on her, always wanting to know where she was and what she was up to.
On the other hand, I got to hide underneath Anna’s bar counter one morning and make her come with my mouth. I only wish I could have seen her face when she was serving someone and I was licking her pussy. I was able to do something like that for Julie a time or two – station myself behind the shop counter and give her a good fingering. No one seemed to think a thirteen-year-old was capable of such wicked behaviour. Well, would you?
The ship had called at Mombasa, a place that didn’t impress me much. Our arrival hadn’t been anticipated, and it wasn’t a regular port of call for large cruise ships, so no organised outings were laid on. There was also some sort of civil unrest going down. Most passengers decided not to go ashore and settled instead for the view, which was in itself quite spectacular. Fort Jesus, built in the sixteenth century by the Portuguese, overlooked the harbour. It was an imposing structure, but it had been built for the slave trade, and I had no interest in touring the site of an atrocity. I was glad when we finally set sail again, heading north towards the Red Sea.
I continued to have sexy fun with Anna and Julie when their work schedule allowed, and whenever I could get away from Mum and her crowd.
***
One day the ship had slowed considerably, and no one seemed to know why. My first thought was of Somalian pirates, but after I rushed up on deck, a look around told me the surrounding ocean was empty of other vessels. All I could see was a smudge of land on the horizon to our west.
Then the captain’s voice came over the Tannoy system.
“We have a minor engine room problem that is being investigated as I speak. It may slow us for a while, but we should soon be on our way. I will, of course, keep you informed of further developments.”
I took myself up to the bar to tease Anna for a bit, but there were loads of customers, so she was too busy to spend more than a moment with me. I was able to let my bikini top slip briefly, so she got a nice peek at my nipples. She seemed distracted as she served her next customer, which gave me a laugh.
An hour later, the captain spoke to us once more. “Our technical problems are a bit worse than we first thought. We’ll be detouring to Mogadishu in Somalia, where spare parts will be air-freighted to us. It will mean a two-day stopover. The cruise reps will be available to advise you on possible sightseeing excursions. Updates will follow as information becomes available.”
Mogadishu was even less inviting than Mombasa. I was feeling fed up with the whole cruise until a rep told me about a jeep trip to somewhere called Warsheikh. She said it wasn’t too far, and they had a spectacular beach that hardly anyone knew about, ideal for swimming and snorkelling. There was also a fish restaurant and bar in a picturesque old shack. By then, anything seemed better than being stuck on board that broken-down tub, so I put my name down for a couple of seats on the jeep.
Neither Anna nor Julie could get off work to join me, but I got a nice surprise when Jessica’s parents gave her permission to go – that is, after her mum was assured there would be proper adult supervision. Little did Jessica’s mother know that the first chance I got, I planned to spirit her precious daughter far away from the grownups!
The jeep was larger than I expected, quite spacious and comfortable for what turned out to be six passengers, along with a local security guard and our driver. Aside from Jessica, I didn’t know anyone.
Jessica’s cheeks took on a beautiful glow when I whispered to her, “We can get to touch each other’s pussies when we’re swimming in the ocean. It’s time you touched mine.”
“It is? Oh, goodness,” she said. Jessica had a habit of questioning nearly everything I said.
After spending hours on target practice on the ship’s gun range, I was fascinated by the guard’s rifle. When I asked for a closer look, he took a childish delight in demonstrating how it worked, although he did take care to slide the magazine out before allowing me to hold it.
It didn’t take long to cover thirty or so miles on a pretty good coastal road before we arrived at our destination. Everyone was astonished by the beauty of the place. A pure white sandy beach stretched into the distance. Gentle waves cascaded onto the sand or swirled around large rocks.
A car park was at the rear of the beach restaurant, which held the bar. The place was like something you’d see in an old movie. All manner of things were hanging on the bar-front – large shells, oddly shaped bottles by the dozen, many years’ worth of old postcards – and just outside, several octopuses were stretched on wooden frames to dry in the sun.
The African guy behind the bar was delighted to see us. His English was difficult to understand, but I was able to gather that he didn’t see many customers during the daytime.
There was a machine on the bar that extracted the juice from fresh oranges. Jessica and I wanted to see it in operation, so we had one apiece. The bartender laughed when I asked what else he’d added to our drinks, a clear liquid he’d poured from a bottle with a picture of dates on it. A dab of my finger to the top of the bottle told me it was some sort of powerful liqueur; it made the orange juice taste delicious.
I asked him if there were any parts of the beach that were especially good for swimming. He told us, “No, anywhere is good.” He pointed at our glasses, “But you want go far, I put drink in clean bottles with this.” He held up a straw.
“That’s great, thanks,” I answered.
The others from the ship decided they were going to have lunch — grilled fish, of course. But Jessica and I wanted to take ourselves up the beach.
“Not a lot far, okay,” the guard said in halting English. “I must be seeing you.”
But we didn’t stop until we were quite a long way off. Okay, we were still in sight, but not near enough for anyone to see what we were up to.
We dumped our bags on the sand, shrugged out of our clothes and spread out our towels. My eyes fastened on Jessica’s backside when she bent down. “You’ve got a lovely arse, Jess.”
She blushed as always. “I have?” Again with the questions!
“You do. And I want to feel it. You gonna touch my bum? I’d really like that.”
“You would?” she asked, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Her eyes locked on mine. “I think maybe… um, that I’d like to… feel it, yeah.” She paused. “No, I know I want to. Are we going to play naughty games?”
Taking hold of her hand, I pulled Jessica with me down onto the spread towels. “Not games, Jess. Sex.” I put a finger over her lips before she could utter the obvious question. “Come here, cutie.”
She didn’t hesitate. just rolled into my arms, her body nestling snugly against mine. I cupped her arse and gave a squeeze, then she did the same to me. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… your bum feels nice, Holly,” she said.
I couldn’t resist. “It does?”
“Don’t take the mickey.” But she was grinning. “Are you going to kiss me now?”
“Fucking right I am.”
“Holly! Oh, my goodness, such language!”
“Nothing wrong with my language,” I answered as I pushed Jessica’s bikini bottom down as far as I could reach. Then I crushed my mouth to hers.
That was when Jessica surprised me in a big way. The shy, unsure little girl was transformed into a lustful teen. She clutched at me, groping the cheeks of my arse. Her kiss was desperate, her tongue engaging mine in a fierce dance.
I hadn’t expected such urgency, but there it was. She wanted to touch me. She wanted to be fucked.
Oh, wow. My heart was throbbing like the massive engines of the ship.
Jessica tore at my bikini until the side ties came free. As she cupped my arse with one hand, she forced the other one between us, going straight for my pussy. Her fingers pushed into me, curving to go deeper. Her body was pressing mine until she was writhing against the back of her hand, using it to rub herself off.
My fingers pushed into the cleft of her arse, finding her star as I helped Jess rock on her hand. She lifted one leg over my hip as her fucking got more frantic. Even as she kissed me fiercely, her eyes remained open. I could see the need, the sheer hunger that had been released, and wondered how long she’d been bottling it up.
Jessica never faltered, nor did she offer any resistance as my probing finger eased into her arsehole. She simply jerked faster against her hand and worked the fingers in my pussy even harder.
I could feel my climax nearing, even though this wasn’t the ideal way for me to be fucked. Her helpless passion was infectious, beautiful, and so intense.
My ability to think shut down completely as an orgasm hit me. I was only vaguely aware Jess had stopped rocking. She abruptly pulled away, breaking the kiss. “Oh, G-god!” she exclaimed. I knew she was coming along with me.
We clutched one another tightly, riding our ecstasy to the limit and beyond. Soon, her movements eased, yet she continued to stare into my eyes.
“What is it, lover?” I finally asked.
A smile lit her face. “I made you come,” she said. She sort of tested the word before saying, “Fuck.” Then her mouth found mine for the softest and most loving of kisses.
We slowly drew apart, pausing to take huge gulps from our bottles of the potent orange drink. Then we lay together quietly, holding hands.
After a while, Jessica turned to face me. “From the first moment I saw you, I wanted you to kiss me,” she began. “I wanted it so badly. I didn’t even know you liked girls! But I’ve never been kissed before. I’ve never really looked at girls that way. But I wanted you to be my friend – my special friend. It shocked me at first. I was fighting my feelings, but I just couldn’t keep away from you. All I knew was I wanted you – a girl – and I didn’t care. I was unhappy when you started avoiding me. I knew you were, but I kept trying.
“I was so jealous when I saw you playing with yourself while that other girl was watching you. But then you called me over and stuck your hand up my skirt. You were the first to ever touch me there. I wanted you to, but I was afraid you’d just mess me about, then send me away. I’m so glad you didn’t.” She hardly paused for breath as the words tumbled out.
I finally touched a finger to her lips. “Jess, stop. I’m here, aren’t I?”
She stared at me for a moment. “You are.” This time it was a statement, not a question.
This conversation was getting a bit too deep for me. “Hey, let’s go try the water,” I said, springing to my feet.
“We’re still naked!” Jessica squealed.
“Who gives a fuck? They can’t tell from way over where they are.”
Jess thought about it, then nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”
But we’d barely got halfway down the beach when we heard a crackling sound somewhere in the near distance.
“Do you think they’re setting off fireworks for us?” Jess said, skipping ahead.
For a moment I laughed along with her, then grabbed her arm. “That’s not fireworks. Those are guns. Someone’s shooting.” The sound suddenly erupted into a crescendo. “Oh, fuck. Get back to the jeep while I grab our stuff.”
“I can’t leave you, Holly. I’ll wait.”
The gunshots got a lot louder.
“No, go now!” I shouted. “I’ll be right behind. Fucking run!” Jessica hesitated, until I turned to hurry towards our stuff. Then she flew over the sand towards the beach bar. She seemed to be oblivious to her nakedness.
I hastily gathered our things, then turned to follow. Racing along the beach, I saw the driver yelling at everyone to get in the jeep. As the engine fired up, Jess was pointing my way, screaming at the driver to wait. He wasn’t listening. The wheels of the jeep spun, spraying sand and gravel that momentarily blocked my view. The next thing I knew, the jeep was roaring down the road. Shit! They’d left without me!
As I got closer, I saw the guard standing at the corner of the bar, peering anxiously into the distance. He spun around, his rifle raised as I arrived. Needless to say, he was not happy to see me.
“Why you here, missy? Not on jeep?” he shouted. “No good, no good. Terrorists, pirates, bad peoples – they come now.”
We both spun around when we heard a clatter. The barman had tripped and fallen at the side door of the bar in his haste to flee. His rifle had skittered away from him, but he didn’t bother picking it up – just got back to his feet and ran away as fast as his legs would carry him.
“No good run, missy,” the guard said. “You hide bar. I try take them away.”
I thought, At least we’ve got one brave man here, not like that fucking driver. And in the heat of the moment, he paid no attention to my nudity.
I went inside, looking for somewhere to hide. There wasn’t any good place to conceal myself. However, I did spy a large sweat-stained shirt hanging on a hook. It was easier to put on than trying to tie my bikini.
I almost fell when my foot snagged on something. Looking down, I saw the rifle the barman had left behind in his haste to escape.
Did I dare? Could I actually shoot someone? This was a very different thing from firing at a paper target. I was surprised, though, that my hands weren’t shaking when I picked up the weapon. But would I know how to use it? Was it even loaded?
I didn’t have the faintest idea what type of rifle it was, but I was surprised at how easy it was to handle. I checked and found the magazine was full. God knows how many bullets it held. I thought about the movies I liked to watch – check for spare ammo was the rule. I did a quick search of the drawers and found two more full magazines.
Now what the fuck was I supposed to do?
I peeked out the side window when I heard another crackle of gunfire, much closer this time. I caught sight of the guard firing his rifle towards some low shrubs that bordered the parking area. Several guns returned fire. I couldn’t stop my scream when the guard was almost tossed into the air before he crashed to the ground. He didn’t move again.
There was a clatter behind me, I swung around to see the barrel of a gun come through the widening door gap. I hadn’t really meant to fire, but somehow the rifle bucked in my hands and a whole load of holes appeared in the door, almost slamming it shut. Only the gun lying in the doorway had kept it from closing.
I looked through the gap and almost puked when I saw the blood-splattered body lying just outside. God, I’d just killed someone!
The sound of running feet could be heard just outside. I’m not sure how I found the courage to do it, but I pulled the trigger and swept the rifle back and forth above the counter. I heard several screams before the gun was empty. I jammed in a fresh magazine, then crouched down while I listened. I heard nothing except whimpering.
Raising my head, I peered over the bar, but I saw no one. A bit higher, and there they were – three big black guys lying on the ground. Two weren’t moving at all. The third was writhing in pain. It was then that the shakes hit me, and my guts churned. I fought for control. You’re okay, I told myself.
I took my mobile phone out of my bag, gingerly pulled the door open and stepped outside. There was no one there – only dead bodies. Even the wounded man had stopped moving.
I had no idea what to do. Should I run down the road, the way the jeep had gone, or would it be better to head for the distant houses? I reasoned that was the direction the pirates had come from, and there might be more of them. Better to head down the road. I snatched up a couple more ammo magazines the first guy I killed had dropped – they looked the same as the one I had left – and ran like fuck across the car park.
I hadn’t got very far when the sound of a roaring engine came chasing after me. I was in deep shit.
There was a low wall next to the road. I pivoted and dove over it. That was a mistake. This big black guy was sitting on a rock, his gun aimed at me, a huge grin on his face.
He waved the gun a little and shouted at me. I didn’t have a clue what he said, but I didn’t see what else I could do. I dropped my rifle and lay on the ground looking up at him.
I heard the truck brake to a stop before several more men piled over the wall. I was trapped.
They bent and peered intently at me. One spoke to me, trying what I guessed were different languages. The last was in a kind of English. All I understood was… “Ship… English?”
My voice croaked when I tried to answer. One of them tossed a bottle of water at me. I took a slug, then managed, in a weak voice, “Yes, I’m English and from the cruise ship.”
They jabbered among themselves. Some shouted, there was a lot of arm waving. The guy still sitting in front of me suddenly roared and they all went quiet.
The one who had spoken to me before now said, “You come, not you troubles – you okay. People pay us, then you go back.”
The big guy shouted again. My interpreter pointed towards the truck. “You go up, we go.”
Not one of them seemed to care that I’d just killed four of them. Their dead were simply forgotten.
We drove inland, mile after mile, climbing gradually higher. At last, we arrived at a forested area, and shortly after turned off the road and continued down a bumpy dirt track. It was several miles before we pulled into a clearing surrounded by small huts. There were even more armed men sitting or just lying about. Most of them got up to come over and see the white girl they had brought in.
The big guy spoke once more. Hands grabbed hold of me. and I was dragged towards a wooden cage affair. One opened the door and pushed me inside. I stumbled and fell to the ground as the door was slammed shut and chained.
Another pair of hands clutched at me and hauled me up. I jerked away, but then saw the black girl who was helping me stand. She was beautiful, proud and poised-looking, but who was she?
Her voice, when she spoke, was calm, with no trace of fear. “I hear them say you are English. How did they get you?”
I told her my story. She didn’t interrupt, only raised an eyebrow when I told her about the four men I had killed. When I had finished, she looked at me closely, then said, “But you are so young. You must be very brave to fight these people … and kill them, yet you suffer no shock. It means I can rely on you. When the time comes, we will fight together.”
Her English was almost perfect, just with a slight accent. “How is it that you speak my language so well? None of the others can. Who are you?”
“I was raised Orthodox Christian, taught by an old priest who lives in the mountains. There are many priests there, where churches are carved into the mountainsides, some of the oldest Christian churches in the world.” She hesitated. I guessed she was considering whether or not to tell me more. “You have heard of Sheba, the Queen of Sheba? She, Makeda, was my ancestor.” She paused, waiting for my response.
“Yes, I know who the Queen of Sheba was.” It was true. Jessica had actually given me a lecture on the subject, and that time, I was paying attention. “But I thought she came from somewhere near the Red Sea.”
She solemnly nodded. “That is indeed what many believe. It is even mentioned in both the Bible and the Quran, although only briefly. They are all wrong. Our version of the Bible makes far more accurate references. Sheba was in Ethiopia, in my land. I am the present Queen of Sheba. I am believed to be the first monarch since her time who is not a man. My name is Makeda.”
“Um, I’m Holly.” It was the weirdest coincidence, to have been talking about the Queen of Sheba one day and then actually meet her – or her descendant, at least – on the next. “But you’re so light-skinned, and your face… the shape, I mean. Is so different from most of the natives I’ve seen.”
“I am of the Habesha people. We are not of the black African tribes. My ancestors came from southern Arabia, they moved here, mostly into the mountain areas. That was several thousand years ago. Over the centuries, my people have inter-mixed with the other tribes of Ethiopia. So now, we are neither Arabian nor true black African.”
“You said something about us fighting together. How can we fight when we’re stuck in this cage?”
“You will see, but you must be ready. My warriors will come for me. When they do, do not get separated from me or you will surely be killed. Once we make good our escape, you will stay with my people. Is there still more fight in you?”
I nodded. “Believe me, staying in this bloody cage is not on my agenda. I’m with you, Makeda.”
She nodded. “Together we do battle, together we win.”
The moon shone brightly, enough for me to take a closer look at my new friend. “You called me young, Makeda, but you are not much older yourself.”
“True, I am only sixteen, but I have trained to be a queen and a warrior. You have not. I do not understand how you even know how to use a gun.”
“My younger years were spent in Uganda, where my father worked. That’s where I learned to shoot. I was also taught to box. I’ve never been one to frighten easily, or back away from a scrap. It can get me in trouble sometimes, but that’s just the way I am.”
“Yes, I see it in you,” she said. “You are like me. I did not expect to see this in a young white woman. We are well met. We will survive this ordeal.” She took my hand in hers. “I see something else in your eyes. I see how you look at me. You called me beautiful. But you said it as men do when they look at me. Perhaps your pulse quickened?”
Shit! Was I that obvious?
“Did I offend you? That was not my intention. Your beauty, your stature and poise, even a certain wildness I see in you… these things excite me. Again, it’s the way I am.”
She came a step closer. “You have experiences with other girls? Very good, yes … but perhaps you have not kissed a queen before. Myself, I have never kissed a white girl. Shall we find out what else we have in common?”
Even with our difference in ages, Makeda was no taller than I was. We were a perfect match when our arms circled one another.
Her fuller lips were a delight against mine, and the urgency of her kiss suggested someone in need. Oh my God, I was going to make it with an honest-to-God queen, and a beautiful one.
My hand found her smooth, naked sex beneath her skirt. She was shaved clean. My fingers moved along the length of her pussy lips, which were still quite dry. I pressed, without seeking, the spot where her clit was hidden. Gently, but moving quickly, I rubbed her. Makeda responded, her hips gyrating to my actions. She kissed me harder, more urgently.
I slid my fingers back down to her opening. The moisture was there now. I eased her lips open before pushing between, slipping slowly into her. The groan, deep in her throat, was like the growl of a lioness. Her pelvis began to push and pull, back and forth on my probing fingers.
She wasn’t as gentle as I was when her hand found its way beneath my shirt. Smiling when she realised I was naked underneath, Makeda plunged two fingers into me and instantly began to fuck my cunt, making that growly noise again when I pulled a breast free with my other hand, then gave her engorged nipple a hard squeeze. Her response was to fuck me harder.
Using her other hand, she gripped my arse cheek, giving it a sharp squeeze. This girl liked it rough. Or maybe she was just starved for sex.
She broke the kiss with a firm bite of my lower lip. “I want to see your face when I make you… I do not know the words for what you call it. The priest did not teach me that.”
“I’m sure he didn’t,” I said, trying not to smile. Imagine a priest telling a young girl how an orgasm worked! “The word is come. When you make me come… that’s when you want to watch me. Are you ready, then?… I am! Please, fuck me faster.”
“Yes, we go faster. Then we can … come together.”
I sensed she was about to cry out loud and clamped my lips on hers, stifling the noise. It wouldn’t do to get caught by one of these guerillas! Her body went rigid as she pulled me hard against her. She kept her fingers moving inside me, trying to make me climax at the same time she did.
By now you must know this about me: I can come almost on demand. I reached out, urging my orgasm to burst forth. And it did. Oh, fuck! It was like a raging storm. Makeda was coming, too. We were as one, riding a tsunami of lust and need.
Afterward, she held me tight, her head resting on my shoulder. “You have much experience,” she said quietly. “You are soft when it is needed, then hard when it is time. You know much of making love to a woman. So young, so clever, so brave… and you fucked me so good. You will take the time to teach me these things.” Then she drew me down to lie with her on the one straw mat.
I fell asleep with a smile on my face. My last thought was that King Solomon might have fucked the first Queen of Sheba, but little Holly had just fucked the current one. How cool was that?
On to Chapter Three!
Very hot and exciting. Who knew Jessica was going to like a finger up her arse. Super hot 🥵 Happy the men left her alone. Can’t wait to see what cums next
Well, that escalated quickly. 😀
We gave four stars. Certainly above average, and we really wanted to like it more but we couldn’t. Exciting and sexy for sure and yet..it didn’t get into us like some of your other stories. We can go along with a young teen in outer space, but the same thing here on earth..Holly is just a little too much of a cypher for us. Precocious sex pot? Cold blooded action hero?
Of course we admire her courage and quick thinking, and yet it just seems a little too far fetched, even for a fantasy story.
Perhaps the next chapter will change our minds about how this story and Holly pan out, but at the moment for being well told it left us a little cold. We’ve seen this scenario told better in your Captain Breen stories.
Maybe it’s just the modern setting that makes it less believable to us? Don’t take this as a bad review, it’s well done but…our heroine feels a little empty inside.
We really hesitated a long time before posting this, it’s just our humble opinion and we must be honest. Don’t take it the wrong way.
ps, just to add we are very much looking forward to the next chapter to see where this is going.
Nice cultural touches, cannot wait to see more. Happy new year
Alright. Let’s see if I can offer something constructive while I try to recover from this episode.
First off, I just wasn’t expecting the story to suddenly veer off into action adventure territory. Chapters One and Two are so tonally different, it’s almost as if they’re two separate stories. I suppose if it was a book, I’d just read the back cover and know what I was getting myself into, and yes, maybe I should have read the story description in the author links, but it was a bit of a head scratcher all the same.
Yeah, it was a little implausible to see a young teenage girl going all Rambo on those pitates’ bottoms, but at least some effort was made to portray Holly’s shock and nausea.
As the chapter neared its conclusion, I’d managed to get myself more into an ‘action adventure’ frame of mind, and imagining the story as an ‘Uncharted’ or ‘National Treasure’ style proposition helped me come to terms with what I initially thought was Carry On Cruising With Naughty Teenagers.
All well and good. And then the cage sex happened. This is a problem I’m all too familiar with – how the hell do we manage to shoehorn a sex scene into a chapter where our protagonists are in mortal peril, or at least recovering from some major trauma? I’ve done it myself a couple of times because it was a choice of either not having any sex in that particular chapter at all, or including a sex scene and trying to make it as plausible as possible. And as it’s an erotica website, readers are kind of expecting at least *something* erotic.
In this case, though, you had the option to include a sex scene earlier in the chapter that wouldn’t have clashed with the action later on, and that would’ve worked much better. As it is, within a few minutes of being taken captive by pirates and thrust inside a cage, Holly is having it away with a complete stranger. She ends the chapter with a smile on her face, musing on how cool it is to have just fucked a descendant of The Queen of Sheba. It would have worked fine anywhere else, but not here. Better to have saved that sex scene for the next chapter, when they’ve escaped and gotten to know each other a little more.
Having said all that, I do like a good adventure, and the breathless enthusiasm of the narrative has me hooked. I’m genuinely interested to see what happens to Holly and her new friend.
@ radio973 – thanks.
@ drege – thanks, I think.
@ Kim and Sue – I anticipated that some readers might feel as you have. There is an afterword at the end of the story that addresses your thoughts. Perhaps it would have been better at the end of this chapter. And, never fear, I would not take your comments the wrong way, they’re always appreciated.
@ BlueJean – The same answer I’ve given to Kim and Sue also partly applies here. You might just see it differently when you’ve read that.
The sudden change of direction might seem somewhat abrupt to some, but not to me. I’m hoping you might see it my way as the story unfolds.
I think of some real-life events. For example, the Red Sea holiday resort that was suddenly attacked by terrorists a few years ago. Tranquility abruptly becoming a nightmare. Mind you, they didn’t have a ‘Holly’ to come to their aid.
Keep reading, I think that things may even out a bit for you.
Thanks for taking my ramblings in good faith. Sometimes I read back what I’ve written and wonder if I’ve been overly critical. You can do that with any book, if you put your mind to it. I will of course wait for the entire story to drop before making assumptions. Regardless, I’m enjoying it.
All the best erotica has some “downtime” from constant sex, just keeps the pot boiling as it were, although glad to see little arse play making its way in, delicious…roll on lessons with the queen ? and Holly’s continued adventures xxx
OK. This chapter reinforces my belief that this should have been a spin-off of Adventures in the Bush. It would have given us a bit of backstory on the Holly (Lucy) character and prepared us for her mercurial behavior / nature. The Lucy character from Adventures in the Bush was a real hellcat / wildcat, so it wouldn’t have been a far stretch to see her being capable of going “Commando” on the baddies – especially with a bit more build up and backstory about her firearms training. I also know from personal experience that a 13 year old male can be quite capable of adult acts in a pinch, so I admire K_sis for portraying a 13 year old female as being capable of such an adult act as killing the baddies to save her own life. As far as the meeting between Holly and Makeda – The Queen of Sheba – goes, it wasn’t all that jarring to me in a story like this: It actually seemed reasonable as the pirates were in the business of taking hostages to ransom. ( It seems this time they picked the wrong hostages to mess with! Ultimately, I will celebrate Holly for the precocious force of nature she is, and I will suspend disbelief when she does something extraordinary: It’s who she is – an avatar of k_sis if I’m not mistaken. A pity that it wasn’t Lucy from Adventures in the Bush continuing her wildcat ways, but now it’s Holly hellcat in the lead role, so, go Holly go!!! Give ‘‘em hell. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
kinkys_sis
Another hot story!! It is nice to know & read comments from ladies that are enjoying your stories & others. You have gotten the right age for me. It gets me horny thinking of a girl that age reading this with 2 or 3 of her friends & gradually getting naked to enjoy an afternoon of girl-girl fun!!
Keep the stories coming!!!
Sometimes I wonder if readers are expecting an entry into the Booker prize for literature rather than a well written story of erotica.
Yes, it’s right to go for high standards, but it’s also right to try and get the balance between adventure and arousal, and in my humble opinion that is achieved well here by kinkys_sis.
So personally, I’m more than satisfied and can’t wait to see what happens to our heroine in the next chapter.
Will she escape? Or will Jess be captured coming to look for her?
So many lovely options in store for us!!!
I’m not as adept at analysing stories as some of the above. Not that I let it worry me.
My only interest is, did I enjoy it or not? In this case, that’s a resounding yes! I’m loving this story. I also love the way kinkys_sis brings in mythical or historical charachters into a story in such a believable way.
Did I find it too much of a stretch for a thirteen-year-old girl to be taking up arms? In a real world, I might have done. But this is not a real world — this Kinky_sis’ world. A world that she’s so good at depicting.
Many, many moons ago I watched the movie ‘Boogie Nights’ when it came out on the big screen. (And I was old enough to do so legally, which makes me feel positively ancient now.)
Midway through the film, while it was still set in the 1970’s, a character mentions their goal when it comes to making pornographic movies. Essentially their wish was for a viewer to orgasm to the on-screen sex…then forget to clean up because they’re so captivated by the following plot. Even back then I thought that was silly. Somebody surfing the wave of post-orgasmic hormones and endophorins isn’t likely to be focused on a story about diamond smugglers or some such. (Although I do appreciate that ladies are blessed with a quicker recovery period than my lot.)
This reminded me a little of that. Here we have two great sex scenes, which are likely to be enjoyed by the reader one-handedly, either side of a scene in which the narrator kills people.
It’s not that Holly isn’t capable to doing such things, she’s already shown herself to be a very bold young lady, and it’s not that the danger she finds herself in is unrealistic. Sadly bad stuff like that does happen. And I do like the way that Holly isn’t completely unaffected by the deaths.
My issue, and it is only a mild one, is that it happens too soon after the first sex scene…and that the second one follows too quickly afterwards. It might be that the reader hasn’t had enough time to clean up after the first, or had enough time to forget the bodies and become aroused again for the second.
I’m not saying this is a bad chapter. I enjoyed it and found the writing to be very interesting. The author’s knowledge of the locations definitely lend authenticity, to mention one thing in particular. I just think it could possibly, possibly, have benefited from being s-t-r-e-c-h-e-d a little bit.
It seems my writing most often gets a whole load of very mixed comments, just as this chapter has done.
However, reviews or comments are good and I seldom let them get under my skin. None here have bothered me … maybe one or two have caused me to think about what I’ve written and that’s a good thing. I both understand and expect that my type of adventure will not always be everyone’s cup of tea. Nor will my way of sort of charging at things without too much infill or bridging. That’s just my style.
I can find little to disagree with in any of the criticisms, they all raise some valid points. Will I change? I kind of doubt it. Maybe, as I mature? But, please keep right on pointing things out. Your thoughts are always welcome to me.
My diehard fans, such as Tim and Helen, (and one or two others that I can’t immediately recall), are my constant confidence boosters. Not forgetting my brilliant editors.
Well, you forgot me for starters but I suppose that’s natural enough, I guess I get taken for granted.
I’m proud of how you’ve expressed yourself in your answering comment, and I agree with you. The regular critics most always have something worthwhile to point out. I think you absorb more than you might realise from them.
I’m loving this story, that imagination of yours always manages to astonish me.
I’m a big fan / supporter of your writing (and growth as a writer), and I only hope as you grow, you will trust your own vision more. I honestly believe this story would be more coherent, and would have been better received, if you had stuck with your original vision of Jewels of Africa as a continuation / spin-off of Adventures in the Bush, with Lucy as the protagonist. JMTCW.
As you mature, so will your writing. It’s already evident in your newer stories. All I can say is, work on the detail as much as you can. Consider the dialogue, get into the character’s heads, and fill in any potential gaps in the story. Make it as good as you possibly can before it gets handed over to your editor(s). If it feels too much like hard work, you’re doing it right. 😁
Sex AND violence at the same time is always going to be problematical. I can’t figure why this story bothers me when several previous ones don’t, but quite possibly the offscreen horror in Pages From a Diary, and the terrible effect it has on Nettie thereafter, is my reason. It’s why I don’t watch Law and Order: SV U or other modern crime shows.
I also don’t like the fact that I guessed right on Somali pirate attacks, just getting it wrong that they were land-based. The Horn of Africa is a fair substitute for hell, and has been for more than half a century at this writing.
OTOH, I LOVE the introduction of a new Queen of Sheba! How inspired!
@ kinkychic – As if! I never take you for granted.
@ Erocritique and BlueJean – Thank you.
@ Captain Midnight – I know of and understand your dislike of violence. There’s only a little bit more to come and then it’s all sweetness. I have to admit that I felt inspired when I thought of rhw Queen of Sheba.
The kinky sisters seem to love adventurous stories and so do I.
I agree that the transition from on board ship goings on to pirates and kidnappers was a bit sudden, but I also see where the writer was taking us. I don’t have any problem with it.
The Queen of Sheba, oh my, what fun. I need the next chapter to see where this is going.